Parenting Your Premature Baby and Child: The Emotional Journey (Paperback)

by Deborah L. Davis (Author), Mara Tesler Stein (Author) "The premature birth of your baby is a medical crisis..." (more)
Key Phrases: parenting your premature baby, parenting your preemie, care teammates, Mother Nature, Oral Feeding Difficulties (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Review
...An exemplary book.... -- Marshall Klaus, MD, and Phyllis Klaus, MFT, co-authors of Bonding

...I was particularly grateful to see the chapter that addresses the often ignored aspects of fatherhood layed bare.... -- Brian S. Carter, MD, FAAP, Associate Prof. of Pediatrics, Division of Neonatology, Vanderbilt Univ Medical Center

...It's an invaluable resource. -- William Sears, M.D

A beautifully written book.... -- Deborah Campbell, MD, FAAP--Professor of Clinical Pediatrics, Albert Einstein College of Medicine
Director of Neonatology at Children's Hospital at Montefiore

A beautifully written, deeply felt, testimony and resource for the ever growing number of preterm parents.... -- Heidelise Als, PhD, (Psychologist), Harvard Medical School and Children’s Hospital Boston

A wealth of wise counsel and heart-wrenching, insightful quotes from experienced mothers and fathers. -- Helen Harrison, author of The Premature Baby Book

At every stage of the emotional journey there is both validation and practical advice. -- Anne Casey, Founder, preemie-l

I heartily recommend this book to parents of new preemies and to parents of older children. -- Allison Martin, Preemie Child, Prematurity.org

Should be at every preemie parent’s bedside. -- Dianne I. Maroney, RN, MSN Former NICU nurse, Co-author of Your Premature Baby and Child, Psychiatric/Mental Health Clinical Nurse Specialist, mother of a premature infant

The perfect tool for welcoming your premature baby. I recommend it as a must read! -- Mollee Olenick, Pregnancy.org

Product Description
The premature birth of your baby or babies is a medical crisis. But more than that, it is a family crisis. When your baby* is born too soon, you must face not only the medical aspects of prematurity but also the many emotional aspects of parenting your premature baby. During hospitalization, after homecoming, and perhaps throughout childhood, there are three overarching, emotionally intense challenges you face:

1) Coping with feelings, which includes moving through your grief, adjusting, and coming to terms with your baby's premature birth and its consequences

2) Developing your parental identity, which includes feeling connected to your baby, playing an indispensable role in the NICU, and becoming the kind of parent you want to be

3) Managing your relationships, which includes communicating with your partner, with other family members and friends, and with your baby's health care providers

This book addresses all these challenges, and more.

Indeed, this book rides on the crest of a new wave. In recent years, neonatology has become much more than medical technology. Along with providing state-of-the-art interventions, more and more NICUs are also providing developmentally supportive care to babies-and to their parents. Developmentally supportive care for a premature baby consists of close contact with the parents and being surrounded by the muted, gentle, nurturing conditions that mimic the womb. Developmentally supportive care for parents consists of honoring their need to get physically close and feel emotionally connected to their newborn and become confident in taking care of this baby. In other words, developmentally supportive care tries to give babies and parents what they've been promised.

Instead of banishing parents to waiting rooms or allowing them to merely look through a plate-glass window, modern NICU policy welcomes parents as integral members of their baby's NICU caregiving team and considers parental involvement paramount-good for the babies, good for the parents, good for the family. Indeed, when parents are given opportunities to be close to their baby and are encouraged and coached in caregiving, they can become attuned, responsive, and sure with their little one. When parents are informed about their baby's conditions and treatments, they can advocate for their baby's needs. When parents are supported emotionally, they can be more emotionally available to their baby. These positive, connective emotional experiences between parent and baby contribute to optimal infant development. This book reflects and accompanies the emerging respect for the developmental needs of the entire family and the spreading philosophy of family-centered care.

There are many good books that explain your premature baby's medical conditions, developmental diagnoses, treatments, and procedures, and that guide you in caregiving tasks. This book is different. It focuses on your experiences, feelings, and relationships around the delivery, hospitalization, homecoming, and long-term parenting of your premature baby and child. It provides suggestions and support for coping, adjusting, and finding your way. It focuses on how you can deal with the challenges you meet so you can revel in the pleasures of nurturing and cherishing your little one. With quotes from many parents, this book also strives to provide you with the comfort of knowing that your reactions make sense and that you're not alone.

While every family's journey is unique, you share many of the same hopes, fears, joys, sorrows, struggles, and triumphs with other parents of premature babies. It is our hope that you will find comfort, reassurance, support, and strength in these pages.

*Usually it is awkward to refer to both singleton and multiple babies in the same sentence by writing "baby or babies" or even "baby(ies) and "child(ren)." So most of the time, we just refer to "your baby" or "your child." If you gave birth to twins, triplets, or more, please know that whenever applicable to your situation, "your baby" or "child" means "your babies" or "children."

Organizing this book was very challenging. There is a time line to follow, but the three overarching themes of "coping with feelings," "developing your parental identity," and "managing your relationships" come up at every turn. At any point on your personal journey, you may feel emotionally overwhelmed, your growth and development as a parent and a person continues, and you will be dealing with your partner, your baby's health care providers, and others. Since books are naturally linear and don't take well to any other arrangements, we encourage you to weave your way through this book to match the nonlinear path your experience of having a preemie takes. Some sections may feel more appropriate than others at different times, depending on your unique situation, your personality, and where you are in your journey. Use the Table of Contents and the Index to find your currently pressing concerns.

As you weave your way through the book, you can also peek ahead into the future for preparation and reassurance, or review the past for validation, affirmation, and to make sense of where you've been and where you are. Take in whatever seems helpful and pass by whatever isn't. Return to the passages that are particularly comforting and try reading other parts later. It is not necessary to read this book through from start to finish. Even if you do read it cover to cover and then put it away, we encourage you to revisit this book from time to time. You'll notice that what you need will stand out every time, and what you need will always seem to be different. This book is meant to be your companion, and it will follow your lead.

If reading this book moves you to cry, try to accept this reaction. These are healing tears of grief and joy, courage and strength that mix with those of other parents. You are not alone.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 928 pages
• Publisher: Fulcrum Publishing; 1 edition (June 1, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1555915116
• ISBN-13: 978-1555915117
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6 x 1.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 2.4 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars See all reviews (16 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #94,229 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Well-rounded and thorough compendium of vital information, September 11, 2004

By	Midwest Book Review (Oregon, WI USA) - See all my reviews

A 902-page compendium of information, Parenting Your Premature Baby And Child: The Emotional Journey by developmental psychologist Deborah L. Davis and clinical psychologist Mara Tesler Stein addresses dealing with powerful and painful emotions associated with being the parent of a premature child, physical recovery from difficult childbirth, forming bonds with one's baby when it must be kept in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU), dealing with the difficulties of discharge, homecoming, and settling in, observing one's child for evidence of disabilities and coping with them, and also, how to deal with the loss of a child. Parenting Your Premature Baby And Child presents the wisdom of experts in no-nonsense terms for lay people and parents. An extensive index allows for quick reference, in this well-rounded and thorough compendium of vital information.

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A beautifully written, enormously helpful resource., August 14, 2004

By	Jane Alex - See all my reviews

I'm so grateful for this book! As a mom of two 29-week preemies, born 26-months apart and with unique medical crises and challenges, it was hard to find the emotional support and empathy I so desperately needed. My friends who were parents had enjoyed easy pregnancies and full-term deliveries, and even my own mother, who had had seven children of her own, had only experienced the happiness of healthy term newborns. I had no allies in the high-tech world of neonatal medicine in which I had been unexpectedly and forcefully thrust. My babies were extremely small and medically fragile, and my postpartum body and postpartum heart were at odds with one another. Each of my premature babies required intensive medical intervention to survive - I wasn't sure I knew how to connect with a baby that would certainly spend months in the NICU and that my fears told me may never come home. This book gave me the ability to see myself, not only where I began when the pregnancy became vulnerable, but when delivery and the months and even the years unfolded afterwards. The personal accounts and the supporting text provided a mirror to my own emotions. The validation and solidarity I felt as I ravenously read through each chapter gave me renewed courage to take one more step as a preemie parent. My babies had been given top-notch medical care in the NICU, but I needed care as well. This book cared for and understood my sense of loss, my sense of guilt, my sense of wonderment at my tiny babies. This book truly buoyed my belief that I could be an effective and loving mother - something I had always wanted to be - even though the onset of my role as a mom was so different than I could have ever imagined. I discovered through the authors' well-researched contributions as well as the candid thoughts of parents quoted in the book that there's no wrong way to feel as you make your way through the maze of parenting a premature baby. There are, however, countless right ways to connect and share love and joy, even among the fear and worry. That's a message every parent of a preemie needs to hear, and this book shares the message like no other resource I've found. Thanks again to the authors for their labor of love.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Every NICU should recommend this for parents, November 17, 2006

By	K. Feeney-Cass (Arlington, MA United States) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Don't be daunted by the book's hefty size! This was without a doubt the most useful book of all that I referenced during our two months in the NICU. Other books explain all of the technology, procedures, etc., but this one covers the mental and emotional side of the NICU - handling the one-step-forward-two-steps-back preemie dance, grief at the premature birth experience, anxieties about care, worries for the future, feelings about separation and having others taking care of your child, and the hesitancy in parenting with so many barriers in the way. This book was invaulable during the hospital experience and has been such a help in the homecoming experience. Already I know that this will take us through the next few years, as it also covers topics regarding developmental issues and what to expect as our child grows. In addition to the advice in the book, there are quotes throughout from other preemie parents who have handled all of these issues. This was one book that didn't manage to have anything to scare us; rather it validated all of the feelings we've had. The health care professionals with whom we have shared this book were impressed and wanted their own copies! I can't recommend this book highly enough!