Aikido in Everyday Life: Giving In to Get Your Way Second Edition (Paperback)

~ (Author), Victor Miller (Author) "YOU LOSE!..." (more)
Key Phrases: triangular mode, circular attack, square mode, Fighting Back, Robin Hood, Little John (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Review

"...a convincing and useful set of metaphors for understnding the geometry of conflict...stubbed with radical, sensible ideas."
- Marilyn Ferguson

"The Aikido student and master Terry Dobson...has taught so many of us the goodness possible inside the warrior."
- Robert Bly

Product Description

Conflict is an unavoidable aspect of living. The principles of aikido are uniquely suited to everyday conflict resolution because it is a martial art based on avoiding attack. Its nondefensive, prosocial stance offers new options for dealing with conflict and can help break habits such as bullying and intimidation.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 280 pages
• Publisher: North Atlantic Books; Rep Sub edition (January 1, 1994)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1556431511
• ISBN-13: 978-1556431517
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.5 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.5 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (23 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #166,921 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

22 of 22 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars One of the two best books on assertiveness training around, January 25, 2000

By	Taiji 218 (The Frozen North) - See all my reviews

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I've used this book both personally and professionally in both a hospital and a university counseling environment ever since the book first came out in hardback back in the 70's. Granting some of the complaints of previous reviewers, the examples Dobson gives are now a bit out of date (Dobson cannot update them; he died a few years ago), but I have yet to have a college student fail to make his or her own update with little problem. Contrary to some of the negative reviewers' comments, I personally have found the book extremely useful, and so have the majority of the people I have introduced the book to over the years. I've especially had a number of university students tell me the book was very useful in helping them deal with their problematic professors, parents, girlfriends or boyfriends. Possibly some of the negative reviewers were hampered by the fact that they were reading the book all by themselves, without any counseling assistence or prior aikido training to help them fully orient to the concepts presented in the text. Without a doubt, the "geometry of conflict" theory presented in the book is sometimes quite arcane to the uninitiated. Nonetheless, the writing style is friendly, conversational and-- I find-- entertaining. As a supplement to Dobson, I also recommend people read "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty" by Manuel Smith-- the original assertiveness training book. With a little creative thought and persistent practice, the techniques in both of these books are extremely useful. Not magic, not a quick fix, but the techniques work if you work at them.

20 of 21 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Worth reading, even if you disagree with what is said., May 29, 2001

By	Kenneth Ruth "Kenneth Ruth" (United States) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Through out my life I have approached conflict in much the same way this book teaches. However, after reading it I found that I was missing some things that have since helped me a great deal. The whole topic of Aiki is worth the cost of the book alone. I was skeptical while reading it, for example it would appear Terry Dodson wants you to deceive by common definition (I believe a definition based on emotional feelings many of us have because of our own experiences with being deceived)...but this is not the case. The same is true for Aiki. It's not about agreeing with the opponent(s) or changing what you believe. It's about understanding them and knowing that to bring about harmony you have to communicate WITH the other person, which may not be the way you would communicate to someone like yourself. If I read this book in my early 20's I would have thrown it away. But as I understand people and myself better I'm beginning to see that it's not my beliefs or ideas that are/where wrong, it was my approach and how I interacted with others (especially those attacking me). It's not about who is right and who is wrong. Harmony is far more important. With out harmony, the facts and who is `right' can lose all meaning.

This book is for everyone, not just for those practicing Aikido. I highly recommend giving it a chance.

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars an interesting approach to conflict management, May 31, 2000

By	mattg (Massachusetts) - See all my reviews

Dobson presents an interesting approach to conflict resolution. He uses a set of geometric figures as a metaphor for the different ways we could react to conflict in our daily lives. On the surface, the pictures are pretty silly, and the sample dialogues seem rather contrived. But underneath, the ideas are sound. Anyone with knowledge of Aikido and/or Zen principles will recognize the core concepts immediately, although others may have a harder time taking him seriously. Don't buy this book if you are looking for a set of quick tricks that will enable you to bend others to your will. To apply Dobson's strategies successfully, you might have to change your way of thinking about yourself and your relationships.