Silently Seduced: When Parents Make their Children Partners - Understanding Covert Incest (Paperback)

by Kenneth M. Adams (Author) "Tom came home from a long day at the office looking forward to the quiet, intimate dinner he and his wife had planned..." (more)
Key Phrases: covert incest victims, covert incest survivors, covertly incestuous relationship, Ken Adams, Patrick Carnes (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description
When a parent's love for a child is more expecting than giving, more jealous than trusting, the child can become trapped in a "psychological marriage" with the parent, becoming a victim of covert incest. Identification of this problem is often difficult, for the victim often feels idealized and privileged rather than abused. Dr. Adams provides a framework for beginning a process of recovery.

About the Author
Kenneth M. Adams, a licensed psychologist, has worked with children and adults who have grown up in dysfunctional and alcoholic families. He is a national lecturer, workshop leader and consultant in the areas of childhood abuse, adult children and addictions.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 118 pages
• Publisher: HCI (April 1, 1991)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1558741313
• ISBN-13: 978-1558741317
• Product Dimensions: 8.6 x 5.4 x 0.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 6.7 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars See all reviews (16 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #20,933 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

  Popular in these categories: (What's this?)

  #12 in	Books > Health, Mind & Body > Recovery > Adult Children of Alcoholics
  #21 in	Books > Health, Mind & Body > Self-Help > Abuse
  #29 in	Books > Parenting & Families > Family Relationships > Dysfunctional Relationships

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

100 of 102 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Wow., October 5, 2000

By A Customer

This is the single most powerful book I have read on what it means to grow up in a household where the parents are not fulfilling each other's emotional and physical needs. The children become the receptacle for all the frustrated sexual energy the parents are experiencing, even if they are not talking about it. This is exactly what happened to me -- the oldest daughter of an alcoholic and his angry wife. Finally, I understand the "ickiness" (the author's word) I still feel every time I am required to spend time with my parents.

This book talks about the specific, sexualized emotions you experience while growing up in a dysfunctional home that don't get articulated because it's too squeamish to talk about them. And yet, it does so in a very safe and comforting manner. It's like getting the hug and shoulder to lean on that you never got growing up.

Facing the truth of being emotionally used by one's parents is a sobering experience -- but oh what a relief to have these feelings explained and validated. I feel extraordinarily relieved to have read this book -- it gives me new hope for my present, my future and my marriage.

41 of 42 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Changed my life, my husband's, my brother's and friends', June 18, 1999

By A Customer

Many thanks to Ken Adams for this impressive look at the cause and effects of doting parents. It's much easier to put things in perspective when you understand why your mate cannot be intimate. This book helps to understand why these things happen. It provides important tools in taking back control and learning how to separate from parents who use their children to meet their own needs. 10 stars for this book.

35 of 36 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Finally! A relief to understand!, January 5, 2004

By A Customer

The author describes in detail what kind of actions from a parent can create an inappropriate dependency from a child, the resulting feelings that can stay with the child and the patterns of behavior through adulthood that follow. Subtle things that might seem innocent in a parent's mind can actually cross a line into inappropriate territory with a child and his/her development. The child may feel "icky," but also privileged to have such special attention from the parent.

The author offers advice for recovery and gives very clear statements about what must happen in order for the adult survivor of covert incest to make healthy changes and free him/herself from binding dependencies.

I purchased this book based on a recommendation on a message board. Wow! I am filled with relief to suddenly realize why I feel this way and why there are these inexplicable patterns in my life. The biggest relief of all is to know I'm not alone and that my odd feelings about my parents are not unjustified. I read it and said, "Finally! Now I know what is wrong!"

If you feel guilty about setting limits on your parents, this book is for you. If you are having difficulty connecting with your spouse and find yourself connecting more with your kids, please read this book.