The Dance Of Intimacy [ABRIDGED] [AUDIOBOOK] (Audio Cassette)

~ (Author, Reader)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

This sensible self-help book draws on family-systems therapy in recommending thoughtful "self-focus" for women stuck in difficult relationships with either mates or families. Emphasizing that "a truly intimate relationship is one in which we can be who we are, which means being open about ourselves," Lerner ( The Dance of Anger ; Women in Therapy ) highlights the importance of women defining themselves, their needs and limits, rather than reacting to anxiety unthinkingly--either by emotionally distancing themselves from problems or by overreacting. A staff psychologist and psychotherapist at the Menninger Clinic, Lerner illustrates her points with case studies from her family as well as her practice. To explore what unhelpful patterns of behavior may be passed down from past generations, she advises creating a genogram, or family diagram, going back to a person's grandparents or earlier. Lerner's book presumes at least an acquaintance with professional jargon but should be accessible to most readers of pop psychology.
Copyright 1989 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

"Subtle and literate, "The Dance of Intimacy" is like a long, revealing conversation with a wise and compassionate friend." -- Maggie Scarf"Dr. Lerner has a truly remarkable ability to analyze our problems with intimacy. She has written a hopeful, respectful, and transforming book." -- Carol C. Nadelson, M.D., former president of the American Psychiatric Association"A wise and compassionate book that will teach the reader much about the complex emotions our family and love relationships engender." -- Lillian B. Rubin, Ph.D., author of "Intimate Strangers" --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Audio Cassette
• Publisher: HarperAudio; Abridged edition (April 27, 1990)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1559941472
• ISBN-13: 978-1559941471
• Product Dimensions: 6.9 x 4.8 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (30 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #208,095 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

  Popular in these categories: (What's this?)

  #10 in	Books > Books on Cassette > Parenting & Families > Family Relationships
  #10 in	Books > Health, Mind & Body > Authors, A-Z > Lerner, Harriet
  #25 in	Books > Books on Cassette > Health, Mind & Body > Psychology

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

25 of 26 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Lerner's wisdom and insight sense rocks!, November 13, 2001

By	Jennifer K Berman (Yellow Springs, OH USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Dance of Intimacy (Paperback)

After reading the Dance of Anger I was very eager to read this book. It is amazingly helpful. I especially appreciated the chapters on distancing, "overfunctioning" and how to bring up very hot issues with difficult people. I liked the author's realism, that she tells us that it's OK to move "at glacial speed" and that it's the direction and not the speed of travel that matters. She has so much wisdom and gives so much concrete advice without oversimplifying things. I also loved the chapter on "defining a bottom line" because it helped me make an important change in a relationship where I was complaining, but not really taking a bottom line position. Plus, Lerner is a great feminist in the best sense of the word.

29 of 31 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A very good read, March 7, 2005

By	Stephanie Manley (Houston, TX) - See all my reviews (TOP 500 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

This review is from: The Dance of Intimacy (Paperback)

I like how this book easily classifies people into distancers, and pursuers. It is fairly easy to see where someone falls in terms of being a distancer and a pursuer. From knowing this, determines how you should better communicate with your partner. Now while this book does not suggest dramatic change over night, it does suggest making small changes that can make large results.
I also like that she doesn't set the reader up to expect dramatic changes from the other person. She suggests in how to better communicate with the other person, whether it is your partner, parent, or child. Then she also teaches you to set some boundaries, and make sure you take good care of yourself first.
I like this realistic approach to relationships. The knowledge in this book can apply to many different types of relationships, do you don't have to have a significant other to benefit from this book. Its well worth the read.

24 of 25 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A milestone book, December 6, 2003

By	Andrew Delin (Australia) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review is from: The Dance of Intimacy (Paperback)

I think this is a remarkable book - a 'milestone' book for me. Lerner has great insight into how relationships work, understanding behaviour, the impact of families, and the past. She will introduce you to triangles and the impact of past traumas in your family tree. In my opinion this is not 'another self-help book', it stands apart from other popular psych titles. Two other thoughts: First, Lerner positions this book for women, but in fact it is general and should be read by all. Second: I suggest reading this book slowly, eg half an hour a day, and digesting inwardly.