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27 of 27 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Incisive expose of a national disgrace and cause for hope, February 14, 2002
At the center of this important (and frankly, long overdue) book about parents falsely accused of sexually abusing their children is a pernicious phenomenon called the "Sexual Allegations In Divorce" (SAID) syndrome. This syndrome is symptomatic of a legal and child protective services system gone horribly wrong, so that not only aren't the children being protected from abuse, they end up being abused by the system itself.The syndrome arises when one of the parties injects false allegations of child sexual abuse into the divorce proceedings in an attempt to get the upper hand. Usually, but not always, it is the mother who does this, especially a mother who, as Tong documents, either has something to hide or is otherwise unfit to gain custody of the children. The accusation works especially well when the child is very young and is easily led by the parent who has custody. The accusation usually works because child protective services and the courts are predisposed to believe the accusing parent, sometimes in complete disregard of the evidence. What then follows is a nightmare for all concerned, especially the children whose family is now irrevocably split. The accused parent is denied visitation rights and stigmatized as some kind of moral degenerate while the accusing parent is exposed to the children as a liar seeking vengeance. Then comes the sexual abuse interrogations of the children and the "therapy" by counselors, social workers, psychologists and/or psychiatrists. Accused parents may now lose everything important to them, not only their children, their life savings, but their livelihood and their reputations as well. They are caught in a web of legalities and accusations beyond their ability to contend with or understand. They are drained emotionally and financially in a desperate attempt to prove their innocence. Even if they do prove that the charges are false--which, as Tong clearly shows, is very difficult--they still may not get the right to see their children because the child protection agencies typically act autonomously without regard for legal niceties concerning evidence or due process. They will even ignore the verdict of the court! Even if the accused could somehow prove his or her innocence, many people would continue to believe otherwise. Indeed, the insidiously terrible thing about charges of child sexual abuse, is that the charge, once made, never entirely goes away. So what can you do if you are charged with sexually abusing your children by a vindictive and morally-challenged spouse who has hired a win-at-all-costs lawyer aided by child counseling people desirous of increasing therapeutic opportunities for themselves and their colleagues? Very little if you are not informed. A lot if you understand what you are up against and how the system works. Tong begins with his own case, followed by a history of three similar cases. His narrative is compellingly written and sympathetic and arouses our profound indignation. He summarizes the case studies showing what they have in common and gives a list of indicators. Chapter 8 is a focus on the syndrome, while other chapters are devoted to each of the participants. There is a particularly devastating exposé in Chapter 10 of the misleading indoctrinational use of the infamous "anatomically correct" dolls and the damage done to children by such use. Tong shows how the children are led--I would even say brainwashed--into giving the social services people the answers they want to hear. For reasons that Tong makes clear, the answer they almost always want to hear is that the accused has sexually abused the child. Particularly valuable are chapters 14 and 15 on "fighting back"; Chapter 17 on problems and solutions; Chapter 18 "A Self-Help Guide," and Chapter 19, "An Attorney's View," written by Charles Jamieson, who obviously has had a lot of experience in child abuse cases. The ten appendices are also valuable and interesting. There is a chapter on the Borderline Personality Disorder (subtitled: "Survival Guide for Non-BPs") because Tong believes that BPs have just the "kind of twisted and devious" minds that "would use a child as a pawn in a custody battle." (p. 171) I would enthusiastically give this book five stars except for the fact that, although it is clearly and strongly written, fair almost to a fault at times, and of great value to those who are accused, its documentation and editing are not first rate. First of all, there is no index. In a book like this an index is essential. There are too many typos, too much repetition--some of it intentional, surely, but a lot of it gratuitous--and there are some annoying editing problems. For example: The words, "Listen to the kids and help them deal with it... Don't act like another parent. You're supposed to be a friend, someone to help..." are attributed to "Martha" on page 82 but then to "Mary" on page 107. When Tong writes on page 160 that if the case stays in the "gray area," the judge will rule "on the side of the child," he surely means "on the side of the accuser." On page 162 this short list of feminist authors is given, "Steinhem, Walker, Terr, Ireland, and Allred." Their full names need to be used. On pages 195-202 the chapter title line on the right hand pages gives the title of the previous chapter. The outline in Appendix A is unclear and misnumbered. In Appendix H it is not made clear that Dr. Robert Fay is (apparently) the author of pages 262-266, and not just the two indented paragraphs on page 262. Is the "child abuse syndrome" referred to on page 241 and then again on 242 the same as the "Child Sexual Abuse Accommodation Syndrome" mentioned on page 243? At any rate, neither syndrome is explained. Tong's is a noble cause because there is little worse than to be falsely accused of a crime and to have no redress against the accusation. This book can help.
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by Stephen J. Ceci
by Dorothy Rabinowitz
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