How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free: Third Edition (Paperback)

~ (Author), Riley K. Smith (Contributor)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Transform your unsatisfying relationship into a "loving, sustainable, healthy partnership between equals." Licensed marriage and family counselors Tina Tessina and Riley Smith show you how in this guidebook for couples of all stripes (straight and gay, married and unmarried, monogamous and open). The goal is to become a "free couple"--expressing love easily; respecting each other; sharing equal power in the relationship; expressing desires, needs, and satisfactions; and resolving problems cooperatively.

Tessina and Smith walk you through the five steps of "cooperative problem solving" using the clear, sequential instructions of the "negotiation tree." Each step is detailed in its own chapter, with highly structured techniques, frequent anecdotes, and sample dialogues clarifying the concepts and strategies. "Rather than fight, you work together; rather than feeling deprived, you both feel fulfilled," write the authors. "Rather than being defeated, you experience success; rather than restricting yourselves, you are each free to be yourself."

This book is like taking a couples workshop from two skilled, warm, and articulate therapists. Recommended for couples who are frustrated by getting stuck in conflicts and are willing to learn structured guidelines for cooperative problem-solving. --Joan Price

Product Description

Studies have shown that couples who have the tools to negotiate and cooperate are more able to create lasting, loving partnerships allowing each member of the partnership to be free. This thoroughly revised and expanded edition is written as a manual and shows couples how to replace cooperation with compromise or competition. It includes many step-by-step instructions and guidelines, and introduces the "negotiation tree", a tool that can help any couple turn a struggle or fight into a cooperative problem-solving session.

The book is designed especially for people who seek a model for equal partnership, and couples who want to transform struggle into teamwork. It works for couples who are married, cohabiting, or dating-in a traditional or alternative relationship.

This is a tool for designing and creating a relationship unique to your individual personalities and situation to create a loving, sustainable, healthy, and equal partnership

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 260 pages
• Publisher: Career Press; 3 edition (March 1, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1564145492
• ISBN-13: 978-1564145499
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 5.9 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #114,371 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

17 of 20 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Held me together and got me honest, January 29, 2000

By	David Lincer (Oakland, CA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review is from: How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free (Paperback)

I found this book after making a terrible mistake in my marriage. The next day. I read it in a couple of hours, and the ideas helped me keep my marriage together and healthier for two more years. I cry a bit every time I read the introductions. I try to give this book to every person I want to spend time with. And also those entering into a new relationship.

I reccomend it highly for teenagers, new lovers, old lovers, just about everybody.

Dave

Followup to the new 3rd Edition, released Early 2002
Sigh;
The new edition really wants a new title. Part 2 of 2. Something to let people know that it really looks different. Missing all my favourite bits. Still a fine book, but definitely not the first book I would give to people. The 1st and 2nd editions are essential to appreciating the 3rd in my opinion.
I have been buying copies of earlier editions to give out to friends. Third edition in reserve for later dispersal.

David

10 of 17 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars How To Be A Couple And Still Be Free, December 6, 2003

By	W. THURSTON "Book Reviewer" (Melbourne, Australia) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

"How To Be A Couple And Still Be Free."

To many people this may seem to be an impossible dream. Tina B. Tessina, Ph. D and Riley K. Smith, M.A are two people who know that this is not the case. They have witnessed at first hand that couples within a relationship can indeed retain their freedom. A relationship that recognizes the needs of both parties, can only be good. It will allow couples to reap a richness in their existence, denied them as singles.

In today's world, we hear a lot said about the individual's right to freedom from our politicians. The concept of democracy is based on each individual's right to be free to do what they wish, that is within the law. This includes the freedom to express oneself in a healthy manner. Not all of us have the opportunity to do this. Our background, the culture we live in or a chain of events beyond our control can prevent our potential development.

The will to learn and expand our knowledge is the basis of change. To be able to do this one needs to be what we call free. Yet, freedom is not a license to go out and do what one likes with no care or responsibility. It imposes on us an obligation to recognize the rights of others, and adjust our needs to blend in with those of the society we live in.

To assist couples in meeting the obligation of recognizing the rights of others, two tools are recommended by the authors. These are The Negotiation Tree and Cooperative Problem Solving; each one is explained in detail throughout the course of the book. If each is practiced diligently, a couple will find that they can indeed be free as individuals and still meet each other's needs.

Relationships need both partners to constantly strive to make it a success. To allow them to get flabby through lack of effort will only lead to apathy and disaster. We all need to be loved, cherished and respected. "How To Be A Couple And Still Be Free," shows the way to achieve a life long relationship that meets couples needs.

This is a book I cannot recommend highly enough. Tina B. Tessina, Ph. D and Riley K. Smith, M.A. indeed have created a masterpiece. All couples should read this book at least once during their lives. They can only enrich their lives by doing so.

4 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars How To Be A Couple And Still Be Free, December 6, 2003

By	W. THURSTON "Book Reviewer" (Melbourne, Australia) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

"How To Be A Couple And Still Be Free"

To many people this may seem to be an impossible dream. Tina B. Tessina, Ph. D and Riley K. Smith, M.A are two people who know that this is not the case. They have witnessed at first hand that couples within a relationship can indeed retain their freedom. A relationship that recognizes the needs of both parties, can only be good. It will allow couples to reap a richness in their existence, denied them as singles.

In today's world, we hear a lot said about the individual's right to freedom from our politicians. The concept of democracy is based on each individual's right to be free to do what they wish, that is within the law. This includes the freedom to express oneself in a healthy manner. Not all of us have the opportunity to do this. Our background, the culture we live in or a chain of events beyond our control can prevent our potential development.

The will to learn and expand our knowledge is the basis of change. To be able to do this one needs to be what we call free. Yet, freedom is not a license to go out and do what one likes with no care or responsibility. It imposes on us an obligation to recognize the rights of others, and adjust our needs to blend in with those of the society we live in.

To assist couples in meeting the obligation of recognizing the rights of others, two tools are recommended by the authors. These are The Negotiation Tree and Cooperative Problem Solving; each one is explained in detail throughout the course of the book. If each is practiced diligently, a couple will find that they can indeed be free as individuals and still meet each other's needs.

Relationships need both partners to constantly strive to make it a success. To allow them to get flabby through lack of effort will only lead to apathy and disaster. We all need to be loved, cherished and respected. "How To Be A Couple And Still Be Free," shows the way to achieve a life long relationship that meets couples needs.

This is a book I cannot recommend highly enough. Tina B. Tessina, Ph. D and Riley K. Smith, M.A. indeed have created a masterpiece. All couples should read this book at least once during their lives. They can only enrich their lives by doing so.

Review by Warren Thurston - Owner of Boggle Books
"The home of Quality eBook Reviews"
http://www.bogglebooks.com