Conversationally Speaking : Tested New Ways to Increase Your Personal and Social Effectiveness (Paperback)

by Alan Garner (Author) "Scott, a 52-year-old construction contractor, reporting on his efforts to talk to his neighbors: I tried, I really did..." (more)
Key Phrases: handling criticism constructively, honest positives, promote conversation, Conversationally Speaking, Critic's Right, Reducing Anxiety (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description
More than a million people have learned the secrets of effective conversation using Conversationally Speaking. This revised edition provides more ways to improve conversational skills by asking questions that promote conversation, learning how to listen so that others will be encouraged to talk, reducing anxiety in social situations and more.

About the Author

Alan Garner has taught hundreds of Conversationally Speaking workshops. He is the coauthor of Lifeskills for Adult Children.

Product Details

• Paperback: 216 pages
• Publisher: McGraw-Hill; 3rd edition (April 1, 1997)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1565656296
• ISBN-13: 978-1565656291
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.4 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.9 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars See all reviews (38 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #3,209 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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  #2 in	Books > Nonfiction > Social Sciences > Sociology > Social Situations
  #3 in	Books > Reference > Words & Language > Speech
  #3 in	Books > Reference > Words & Language > Communication

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

83 of 85 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Must-Have Book for Making New Friends!!!, July 2, 2001

By A Customer

A had read three books on making conversation (How To Work A Room, What Do I Say Next?, and How to Start A Conversation and Make Friends). I really tried to do what they said, but for several years now, I have just fallen flat and have not been able to "connect" with others. After reading Mr. Garner's book just last week, I have really been connecting with many people. For the first time, I have been given information that actually works because it is suited to what makes people "tick". Whereas the aforementioned books basically tell you to act nice, listen, and have interesting information to talk about, Mr. Garner's information gives you tools to have people actually want to continue talking with you. I felt that the other books made you still be somewhat "boring" to other people because most people want you to relate to them, rather than them having to find your topics interesting. This book has really changed my life and I am really grateful! Other good picks are (audiotapes) The Fine Art of Small Talk by Deborah Fine and The Pocket Guide to Making Successful Small Talk: How to Talk to Anyone Anytime Anywhere About Anything by Bernardo J. Carducci, Ph D.

65 of 66 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Very Helpful Book, April 8, 2001

By	James Nuccini (East Haven, CT USA) - See all my reviews

I had considered myself a very shy person, never knowing what to say to new people, so I decided to read this book. This book is a very helpful book. The author, Alan Garner, takes you through his step by step Conversationally Speaking course, which will help anyone who has any problems striking conversation.

Garner gives advice on how to make people want to talk to you, everything from how to give off a positive body language and seem to others to be open and willing to socialize, to how you can make people interested in what you talk about, just by talking about things that interest them? Now you may ask, how do you know what interests someone, or how do I talk in a way that will make me seem more intriguing to a person, if I dont know them or what they want, let alone what they think??? Your answer..... Read this book!!!!! It tells you all of that and more, and all of Garner's techniques are supported by real life situations, and in many cases, real life dialogue that Garner has either been a part of himself, been there to see it, or heard from a friend. Just reading these alone can show you how to be more sociable and build self confidence. In short, if you want to be a better people person, then READ THIS BOOK!!!!!!!!

355 of 390 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars For Complete Wallflowers Only, October 8, 2003

By	Dylan Mantini (Ithaca, NY) - See all my reviews

I have a little trouble sometimes maintaining a conversation, and small talk really isn't my forte. I don't ordinarily buy self-help books, but I read the reviews of this one and I thought I'd give it a try. Well, the good news is that apparently I'm much more socially capable than I'd thought. The bad news, for me, is that this book has little to offer to anyone capable of even the most banal responses in social situations. Say, for example, that someone comes up to you at a party and happens to mention that they've just returned from France. Would you (a) ask what airline they took and whether they enjoyed the flight, (b) ask what parts of France they'd visited, (c) offer observations based on your own experience in France, (d) ask the person how, as an American, he or she was received in France given the recent international tensions between the two countries, or (e) offer up any one of a thousand other innocuous responses? According to Garner, you should ask the person "how did you manage to get hotel rooms over there?" or "in what way was the food there different from what we have here?" Well, you can probably imagine how much further the conversation is fated to go once your interlocutor realizes that he/she is talking to a complete ditz: "Well, I called and made a reservation." "It's, uh, French food." I can see these suggestions being of some help if your only other alternative was to stammer out some unintelligible response, or to say, "Ooh la la," or some such thing. Such examples are rife throughout the book, leading me to believe that it could only possibly help the most socially inept among us. Honestly, I'm not trying to be mean-spirited, and I can see how this book _might_ help someone who simply cannot think of a single thing to say. But even in that regard, Garner advances theories and then cuts them short without developing them. About five times I turned the page, expecting to continue reading whatever mildly interesting thesis Garner had put forth, only to find that the chapter had ended! The book is basically a powerpoint presentation for nerds. You're better off just having a little confidence in your own abilities.