How Your Church Family Works: Understanding Congregations As Emotional Systems (Paperback)

~ (Author) "Reality is more complex than a tidy theory..." (more)
Key Phrases: anxious reactivity, low toleration, many church families, Senior Pastor, Program Pastor, Minister of Music (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Steinke's insights from the theory of family systems lead clergy and laity to deeper understanding and discernment...." -- The Rt. Rev. James B. Brown, Episcopal Bishop of Louisiana

Product Description

Drawing on the work of Bowen, Friedman, and his own many years' counseling experience, Steinke shows how to recognize and deal with the emotional roots of such issues as church conflict, leadership roles, congregational change, irresponsible behavior, and the effects of family of origin on current relationships. Discover why working relationships may be "stuck" in certain behaviors. Psychologically sound, theologically grounded, and practically illustrated with case studies. Seminary professors will find a helpful treatment of the emotional systems into which their students will move.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 128 pages
• Publisher: Alban Institute (June 1993)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1566991102
• ISBN-13: 978-1566991100
• Product Dimensions: 8.8 x 6 x 0.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #638,880 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

18 of 18 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Working together, December 15, 2003

By	FrKurt Messick "FrKurt Messick" (Bloomington, IN USA) - See all my reviews (TOP 10 REVIEWER)

In this text and its companion volume, `Healthy Congregations', Peter Steinke puts together a wonderful aid to ministers and congregational leaders who struggle to understand the dynamics of their congregations. Large or small, urban or rural, all congregations experience tensions, conflicts, emotions and situations that require careful dealing and compassionate understanding.

Human interactions are among the most complex things possible for study - they do follow patterns on micro- and macro-scopic levels, but there are so many variables that it is impossible to predict and plan with total accuracy (and so much the better, many would hold, including this author). Yet the application of field theory types of paradigms to understanding congregational dynamics is worthwhile. There is a self-perpetuation and internal cohesion to many of the processes, and they often seem `to take a life of their own', in other words, are somehow self-generating.

We tend to think of churches as places of holiness and justice, forgetting that because they are comprised of human beings at all levels, they are just as susceptible to corruption, pettiness, and the petty place-seeking and unhealthy dynamics of any other human organisation. That this should not be so is granted - that it is often so is a sad reality. It is not denominationally-specific, either - even those denominations that pride themselves on fairness, justice, rationality, or any other positive quality can find itself falling victim to its own people.

The church is not a family. Steinke says this very directly. However, there are significant patterns that parallel family dynamics, and in many metaphoric senses, church communities are meant to be a family. Thus, looking at the emotional dynamics of family units gives some insight.

This book combines personal and congregational stories with theoretical ideas. The first part of the book concentrates on looking at the different concepts of family dynamics and emotional systems theory - anxiety and reactivity, separateness and closeness, stability and change, and clarity and compassion. These draw on psychological theory, historical and literary examples, biblical theory, and even neurophysiological research.

The second part of the text builds these theories into practical situations by incorporating stories. These stories are short and to the point; they illustrate points well, and help to drive home the ways in which leaders and congregation members can work together. These stories can help both the ministers and congregation members recognise when dysfunctions are occurring, as well as possible solutions that look to the wider system rather than individuals.

There are charts, tables, genograms and other tools to use; these may be new to the reader, but they are explained in sufficient manner to be useful. There are also little touches that are useful, even preachable, as examples of the concepts.

The final chapter talks about the importance of interrelationships (something systems theory and biblical stories have in common), as well as the importance of vision - those who don't know where they want to go will probably never get there.

In all, this is a wonderful book, full of insight and inspiration.

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Helpful for understanding congregational dynamics, June 25, 2005

By	Matthew Gunia (Justice, Illinois) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Peter Steinke is a Lutheran pastor and director of the Interfaith Pastoral Counseling Center in suburban Chicago. His career has been one of studying and advising the dynamics of disfunctional churches and counseling pastors who have been hurt by said churches. "How Your Church Family Works" is an introduction to systems theory as it relates to interpersonal dynamics within a church and has been very helpful for this reader.

Steinke begins by introducing the concept of systems--that every unit in a system effects and is effected by every other unit in that system. He then covers how systems work--always seeking to remain stable, even if that stability harms most or all the people in that system. He then moves into a discussion of forces that stabilize or change a system (anxiety, closeness, etc.). Finally, after weaving theory and example to the point that the reader has a fuller understanding of systems theory, Steinke shows how individuals within a system can effect change for the better.

The overriding theme in in "How Your Church Family Works" can be "knowledge is power." Steinke accurately describes the "tunnel vision," the pressure to conform to others' idea of what your role in a system should be, and the tendency of people within a system to focus on other people in that system and blame them. However, through understanding systems, the way they work, their flaws, and how to be an angent of change, one can make an ineffecient, stifling system a productive, nurturing system. They key is knowledge and "big picture" thinking, and defining one's self.

In all, this book has been incredibly helpful as I continue to reflect upon my experiences at a church with a dangerously crushing emotional system. Steinke's book empowers one to be agents of positive change in situations that may be difficult to understand, let alone control. Highly recommended.

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars An invaluable book for pastors and congregational leaders, June 1, 2000

By	Melissa L. Shogren (Redmond, WA USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

As a former lay worker in a mainline denominational church and a mediation coordinator for a Christian mediation service, I found this book to be extremely helpful. Writing in a clear, non-jargon filled style, Mr. Steinke addresses some of the problems that happen within church systems and why they happen. I especially found his discussion of the concept of "displaced anxiety" to be helpful in understanding why some congregations seem to become so bitter toward a once admired pastor. This book is a must for every church library.