Do I Know You?: Living Through the End of a Parent's Life (Hardcover)

by Bette Ann Moskowitz (Author)

Editorial Reviews

From Booklist
Moskowitz and her sister, Norma, suspect that their 87-year-old mother is steadily becoming less able to take care of herself. Beyond her increasing forgetfulness, her once-spotless apartment needs a good cleaning and she is not eating. Moskowitz and Norma hope it's a passing phase, a mental fog that will lift. But doctors confirm the worst: their mother is in the early stages of senile dementia. As her confusion increases, their mother becomes contentious, even hostile. After much anguish, the sisters put Mom in the last place she wants to be, a nursing home. Their guilt is substantial, but their choices are limited by their mother's quickly deteriorating condition. Through it all, though, their mother is able to keep her dignity, much to Moskowitz's relief. A touching and honest look at one woman's psychological decline and the pain that decline causes her children. Brian McCombie

Product Description
Moskowitz describes the different paths she and her sister traveled to reach the decision to place their mother in a nursing home and the pain and comedy of her mother's present life there. The candor and humanity of this book provide reassurance and guidance where there has been little, and a sense of grace and hope where there has been none at all.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 184 pages
• Publisher: Kodansha America (May 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1568362102
• ISBN-13: 978-1568362106
• Product Dimensions: 8.6 x 5.9 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #1,302,919 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A most poignant account of caring for an aging parent., December 4, 1999

By	Marsha Foley (Marietta,Georgia USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Moskowitz has told the world her deeply personal story and in doing so, helps others to cope with the on-going loss of an aging parent. I am both a Geriatric Care Manager and the daughter of a mother who has Alzheimer's Disease. I found myself re-reading passages so I could remember them to share with my client's families. I also re-read parts to remind myself that I am not alone with the myriad of feelings that come with the role of caregiver. I intend to recommend that all of my clients' adult children read this book, it will give them great strength and comfort. Thanks Bette, for writing such a fine book!

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A personal, emotional protrayal of Alzheimer's disease., October 3, 1998

By A Customer

While different from my own, Bette Ann Moskowitz's personal story is quite familiar -- a story about the inexorable mental decline of one's Mother due to Alzheimer's disease.

My mother has been experiencing a definite, accelerating decline for a few years now. Through tests, we've ruled out pretty much every other possible reason; she's certainly got Alzheimer's. This book has provided some comfort by showing me that I'm far from alone in this kind of experience. And it has helped me know what to expect in the months or years to come.

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A book of searing and almost unspeakable emotion, March 12, 1998

By	Genevieve Kazdin "dunes_studio" (Pocasset, MA USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

How do we cope with an aged and failing parent? How do we discern the beginning of the slide into senile dementia? Where do we find the strength and endurance to make the necessary decisions?

Bette Ann Moskowitz's generosity in telling this intimate experience allows us to concentrate on her, her mother, and their journey together. Their experiences, reactions and emotions are not mine or yours. Her skill is such that we cannot help know it could be us, our parent, our child.

And well it might! With advances in medicine many more of us will live to advanced age. Many will suffer senile dementia. Many will watch a parent experience this. Will your children? Will mine?

This book is not a how-to book. You will not learn a thing about legal issues, financial concerns, or how to choose a residence. Moskowitz knows that information is out there. She brings us the as yet unspoken: the fears, doubts, triumphs, panics and, yes, joys of her experience. She writes with clarity and an ease that belies the turmoil of her mother's old age. She writes with an honesty never maudlin or self-pitying. She makes it possible -- and safe -- for us to preview our own emotions should we be faced with such an eventuality.

The shifting balance of care-giver and care-receiver seems almost unnatural. It requires a profound adjustment of all we have ever known. Perhaps the only other book that tells of this with such tenderness and truth is 'Love You Forever' (Sheila McGraw, Firefly Books, 1995).

Were I omnipotent I would mandate the reading of 'Do I Know You?' by all who are parents and all who have parents. In lieu of that, I have ordered a copy for each of my adult children. May we walk this path with the grace and courage of Bette Ann Moskowitz and Mary Solomon.