Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (Paperback)

~ Patrick J. Carnes (Author) "A moment comes for every addict when the consequences are so great or the pain is so bad that the addict admits life is out..." (more)
Key Phrases: twelfth step, sexual compulsiveness, addictive system, Out of the Shadows, Twelve Steps, The Levels of Addiction (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

This breakthrough work, the first to describe sexual addiction, is still the standard for recognizing and overcoming this destructive behavior. With insight and sensitivity, Dr. Patrick Carnes outlines how to identify a sexual addict, recognize the way others may unwittingly become complicit or codependent, and change the patterns that support the addiction.

About the Author

Patrick J. Carnes is a nationally-known speaker on addiction and recovery issues. He is the author of Out of the Shadows, Contrary to Love, A Gentle Path Through the 12 Steps, and Don't Call It Love. He is the clinical director for sexual disorder services at The Meadows in Wickenburg, Arizona. Carnes is the editor-in-chief of Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity: The Journal of Treatment and Prevention, the official journal of the National Council of Sexual Addiction/Compulsivity, an organization for which he also serves as a board member. He also serves on the national advisory board of the American Academy of Health Care Providers in the Addictive Disorders.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 240 pages
• Publisher: Hazelden; 3 edition (May 1, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1568386214
• ISBN-13: 978-1568386218
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.3 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (69 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #3,658 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

94 of 96 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Very Helpful, February 3, 2005

By	Niki Collins Queen "author" (Forsyth, Georgia USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

"Out of the Shadows" by Patrick Carnes is one of the best books on sexual addiction. Carnes says sexaholism transcend personality, gender, and socio-economic status. He defines sexual addiction as having a pathological relationship with sex and using it as a mood-altering drug. His descriptions of the symptoms, the three levels of addictions, and the progression through the four-part cycle of preoccupation, ritualization, compulsive sexual behavior and despair are excellent.
Carnes also deals with the sex addicts underlying dynamics such as a faulty self-image, and believing that sex is their most important need. Carnes describes how some addicts appear grandiose and full of exaggerated self-importance to create a front of "normalcy," and hide their addiction and poor self-esteem. He says the addict's family and friends often become angry and frustrated with the addict's "egocentricity" and insensitivity to others. Since guilt and remorse cannot be expressed the addict may become progressively more isolated and unreachable as they close off their vulnerability.
Carnes states that since the addict feels unloved and unlovable they have little confidence in the love of others and become calculating, manipulative and ruthless. They are purposely unclear about their intentions in relationship and are seductive in their behavior. Addicts also have a high need to control all situations in an effort to guarantee their sexual supply and ensure all possible sexual opportunities.
To get help Carnes recommends SA's 12 Step Program. He says the Program helps the addict to, "separate themselves as individuals from their addiction which, as a powerful illness, is destroying their lives. By admitting the addictions power, hope emerges from connecting with others and Higher Power. The fellowship of the Program surrounds participants with people who have suffered in the same way. They no longer feel unique. They trust and are trusted with personal secrets."
Carnes says the Program teaches the addict that they do not need the addiction to survive, but will need the Program because of the addictions power. When the addict recognizes how powerless and unmanageable they are over their addiction, they start to live a life which focuses on human relationships as opposed to sex.
Carnes points out how members of the Program continue to learn about the process through teaching others. He says sex addicts can become responsive and responsible members of the human community.

65 of 66 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This book really helped!, December 29, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (Paperback)

When I needed to understand and learn more about sexual addiction, this book was there with quality information. It gave me the basics. I have since read three books on the subject of sexual addiction and Out of The Shadows is my favorite; the only one that helped me to better understand this addiction (which I previously did not know existed). The book is simple to read and is informative. I could not put it down as it kept my full attention - I read it in just a few hours. If you or your sex addict friend or family member is not big into religion and may have trouble with 12-Step programs, this book does not get "heavily" into that; rather it outlines the basics - what you need to know and understand. Thank you Dr. Carnes for this informative book.

43 of 43 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Carnes is able to get right inside the addicts head., February 3, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (Paperback)

Carnes has completely captured the mind of the sexual addict in minute detail. Disecting each and every action and thought explaining the reasons for and behind the behavior. For 22 years I lived and was married to a sexual addict and didn't know. I was in total denial. Finding out was the biggest shock and not knowing what to do. I was fortunate enough to be told about Patrick Carnes' book. I purchased the book online (so I wouldn't suffer the embarrassment of asking for it in a bookstore) and couldn't put it down. To be able to understand in a small way the "why" of my husbands behavior allows me to not feel so guilty or in some way responsible for his behavior. I never thought a book on this subject could be called fascinating--but it is just that. Each and every paragraph had something in it that hit home. He completely is able to analyze this behavior and explain the reasons without making the addict or co-addict feel less of a person. Although my husband and I are separated, I plan on passing this book on to him as he feels he can't beat this addiction. I am hoping this book will help him as it did me, to understand.