Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto (Paperback)

~ Anneli Rufus (Author) "IMAGINE YOU'RE A loner whose ideal home would be a cottage on the beach, miles from the nearest neighbor..." (more)
Key Phrases: many loners, being loners, San Francisco, Han Shan, Wild West (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

In this compendium of everyone who was anyone who ever spent a moment alone, readers bump fleetingly into Kurt Cobain, French Resistance fighters, the Lone Ranger ("Tonto notwithstanding"), Michelangelo, Alexander Pope, John Lennon, cowboys, Saint Anthony and other solo acts. Rufus, the books editor of East Bay Express, views Degas's plain-faced dancers as "pretty ballerinas" whom the artist leaves every time he exits his studio, and Warhol's biography as "tellingly titled Loner at the Ball." She chases her motif, not so much a manifesto as a cri de coeur, through an assortment of perspectives: religion, advertising, clothes, crime, art, eccentricity, environment, literature, religion and popular culture. She also identifies "pseudoloners" like Theodore Kaczynski and Jesus Christ (who "was too good at guiding crowds to have been one of us"). There's an us/them tone to this book that makes one wonder who the audience might be. The "us" people "do not need writers to tell us how lovely apartness is"; the "them" people will surely weary of being identified as "Nonloners. The world at large. The mob." Taken in column-sized doses, Rufus may be entertaining and informative, but her book feels as if too much random information has been cut-and-pasted together.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Review

"A founding manifesto for an organization of self-contained people.... A clever and spirited defense." -- Kirkus Reviews (January 1, 2003)

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Product Details

• Paperback: 320 pages
• Publisher: Da Capo Press; Second printing edition (January 6, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1569245134
• ISBN-13: 978-1569245132
• Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.5 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (102 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #20,272 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

195 of 200 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The menace of the herd, November 11, 2003

By	Andrew S. Rogers (Seattle, Washington) - See all my reviews (TOP 500 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

As a dyed-in-the-wool (and unrepentant) introvert, I wished, at first, that Anneli Rufus hadn't chosen the word "loner" for her title, linked as it is with inevitable prefix "crazed" in so many news stories of murderers on the loose. But that's exactly her point: Rufus is determined to rescue the word -- and more importantly, the reputation of the people the word accurately describes -- from the misinterpretations and calumnies heaped upon it, and us, for so long.

It's an uphill fight, but it's definitely worth the effort. This book isn't one of the many attempts to offer introverts "coping skills" or networking tips for surviving with our sanity in an extroverted world. Instead, it's more of a call to extroverts out there to understand whom you're dealing with ... or more correctly, whom they're not dealing with ... and what we're all about.

To do this, Rufus covers a wide range of history and popular culture, showing how introverts have carved out places for themselves and learned to live with at least some degree of peace, despite the constant tug of "caring" people crying, "Come out of your shell and live a little!" It may seem paradoxical for a loner to tell other loners "We're not alone," but in this instance, it's a surprisingly comforting message.

Rufus's chapter on crime may be the most important, and the one with the widest implications outside the introvert community (so to speak), because it's here that she tackles the myth of the murderous loner and attempts to salvage the word from those who, she argues, misuse it so terribly.

Loners, she says, are people who *want* to be alone. Who enjoy their solitude. But many of the criminals who have been tagged as "loners" don't fit that description at all. Many of them have been marginalized from society, and want to strike back at it. They want to impress others, and be accepted by those whose approval they crave. Or, like Mark David Chapman, the "pseudoloner" who killed John Lennon, they simply crave attention. There's no such thing as an "attention-seeking loner."

There are other criminals, she argues, for whom the "loner" label doesn't even remotely fit, and she roundly criticizes the police profilers and news reporters who use the term so sloppily. Timothy McVeigh, the Oklahoma City bomber, for example, wasn't a loner at all, though he's often described that way. Neither were the Columbine High School shooters, or Ted Bundy, or John Wayne Gacy, though all of them have been called "loners."

Her point is an important one, if one many may dismiss as mere semantics. And it ties into her other important chapter, on raising loner children. If parents believe -- as many apparently do -- that any child who prefers to play by himself is liable to grow up to become a mass murderer, and therefore needs to be "cured," or "trained" out, of his introvert personality, life for that child is simply going to be hell. Though my situation growing up was hardly as extreme as some of the stories told here, I nevertheless sympathized completely with children made to act more extroverted than was comfortable for them. Loner children recognize they're different, Rufus writes, but don't know why, or what about them needs defending. If their parents are convinced there's something "wrong" with the introverted child, and try to "fix" it, they will create wounds that may never close.

This book struck close to home for me, and I really enjoyed it. I'm comfortable enough in my introversion ... my "lonerism" ... not to need a defense for it. But I'm glad this book exists -- not just for my loner brothers and sisters, but for the great mass of extroverts who can't understand why we're so "shy," and why we seem to enjoy -- how sick! -- our time alone. In a world which seems convinced, as the author puts it, that the only things worth doing are things done with other people, her proud declaration that we're perfectly well adjusted, "just not to their frequency," is a deeply welcome one.

Loners of the World, don't unite! There's nothing wrong with wanting to be alone!

100 of 103 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Read it Alone and Rejoice!, June 1, 2004

By	V. Marshall (North Fork, CA USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Finally an answer to a loner's prayers! We are not as strange as the world wants to make us out to be afterall.

Anneli Rufus has done a magnificent job telling about life from a loner's perspective and making it all sound capable and NORMAL. She writes chapters on the loner in community, popular culture, films, advertising, friendships, love & sex, technology, art, literature, religion, sanity, crime, eccentricity, clothes, environment, solo adventures and at last childhood. The words are a true manifesto for a loner's hungry soul, finally another person who understands.

In a world where loners are thought to be strange, crazy serial killers who cannot conform to society, Rufus encourages the idea that most loners in truth are the great creators and contemplators of the world. Issac Newton, Michaelangelo, writers, artists and philosophers become necessary human beings within all of their secretiveness. Instead of being arrogant attention getting hounds most loners create from the heart and give without a need for recognition, the truly unselfish can be found only in those selfish enough to enjoy being alone.

I would have loved to have given this book to a teacher who I had as a child. I remember sitting in a room with my parents while they were told by the "teacher" that she felt I was somehow autistic and withdrawn and might need "special" education. Despite my A's, my ability to pay attention and my athletic ability I was labeled and marked as a failure in her eyes. I wonder how many children today are pegged as something they are not and guided in a wrong direction. It took me 40 years to figure out how unique and completely normal I really am but I would hope after reading this book many others could celebrate the adventure alot sooner. A must read for those of you with quiet, withdrawn children who would rather day dream than stand around with all the other cattle.

69 of 74 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars married and a loner, January 20, 2003

By A Customer

This book seems to address various loner aspects of people who tend to live alone. One thing I haven't found yet is what about married loners (which the author is). She mentioned a couple times about their home-life but not much.

I haven't read the entire book (through 2/3 of it now) but wanted to post this message. As a loner person, I have always had trouble with my wife in terms of our relationship. She keeps saying that I don't love her because I don't "show it" by talking with her more, or spending more time with her. I do love her very much but it grates on her the way I am. If the act of talking is her measure of love, I have little chance. However, our family is great with great kids and all you'd ever want. Well, this book puts words to my feelings and I agree with much of it. I am a loner. This is not "bad" but different. What the wife and many people of the world must know is - we relish the time we have alone. We don't need to call a friend the moment that another friend leaves. Nor do we need constant human interation to be "happy". We don't hate social people or their actions. We just feel that much of it is "inconsequential". Introspectively, I am happy with myself - yet she questions my happiness and our love. This is what the book is written to show - the differences between loners and non-loners and how this gap can be closed by understanding.

I am hoping to have my wife read this book and understand me more. It may even save our marriage.