How to Be a Help instead of a Nuisance: Practical Approaches to Giving Support, Service, and Encouragement to Others (Paperback)

~ (Author) "AS WE GAZE OUT AT THE SKY on a clear night, we can let ourselves ponder how it stretches out beyond the boundaries of our..." (more)
Key Phrases: brilliant sanity, mindlessness practices, maitri program, Expressing Genuine Relationship, New York City, The Spectrum of Brilliant Sanity (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

In her step-by-step handbook, Wegela, director of contemplative psychology at the Naropa Institute, guides readers through the process of becoming present to oneself so as to be able to offer meaningful help to friends, relatives and clients in distress. She states that a sense of lovingkindness toward oneself will flow naturally toward others as help is offered. A practice of give-and-take grounded in Buddhism and meditative practices such as tonglen (learning how to breathe in someone else's emotion and breathe out reassurance and compassion) underlie Wegela's self-healing techniques. Writing in simple, direct language, she uses brief clinical and personal histories to illustrate her points. Three appendices offer useful information on additional professional resources, the Naropa Institute's contemplative psychology program and meditation centers.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Review

One of the most effective ways to help our selves is to be of help to others. Yet despite our good intentions, we often hold back because we don't know what to do or are afraid to intrude. How To Be A Help Instead Of A Nuisance is a compendium of practical approaches to giving effect, useful support, service and encouragement to others. How To Be A Help Instead Of A Nuisance is an invaluable collection of practical advice, with techniques and exercises for developing the capacity to serve, support and encourage those in need. How To Be A Help Instead Of A Nuisance should be read by anyone seeking self-improvement and the achievement of inner peace while being very much a part of the world around them. -- Midwest Book Review

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Product Details

• Paperback: 239 pages
• Publisher: Shambhala; 1st edition (September 24, 1996)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1570621500
• ISBN-13: 978-1570621505
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.5 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #433,566 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

19 of 19 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Put your own oxygen mask on first then assist others, August 4, 1998

By A Customer

The author describes helpfulness as a cycle of turning inward to be present with oneself and reaching out to be present with others. The practice of mindfulness meditation underlies the entire cycle so those with some familiarity with sitting meditation or Chogyam Trungpa's Shambhala Training will quickly understand the author's viewpoint. The idea that each person has a basic "brilliant sanity" puts the helper and the client on an even footing, with neurosis or psychosis seen as an imbalance in one of the five qualities of brilliant sanity: openness, richness of experience, clarity, compassion, and skillful action. Many practical suggestions are given for providing a wide variety of help - from simple listening to helpful actions - including how to recognize when you can no longer help and tips on referrals. A compassionate approach to becoming a helpful friend to family members, friends, clients, colleagues, or customers - but especially to yourself.

10 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A lovely, intelligent book, August 27, 2001

By	Roger Mastrude "Roger Mastrude" (Capitola, CA USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

I gave my copy away, so I'm buying two more, one to give away. This is a good and very helpful book. I have been the dispenser and the recipient of unwanted advice many times. How to be a Help... teaches us to ground ourselves and listen sensitively to others, as they try to find their own way through difficulties. This book is based on Buddhist teachings, but you don't need an interest in Buddhism to benefit from it. Highly recommended.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Breath of Fresh Air, March 30, 2008

By	Gillian Holloway - See all my reviews

I re-read this book every year, when I teach a class in healing stories at a local college. This book is a joy to read, and provides terms for being compassionate with yourself, for trusting in your natural sanity to choose the right words at the right time, and for being present, instead of getting distracted when you wish to be helpful. She points out that the urge toward compassion is natural, and that we can learn to stay centered and open to ideas and feelings instead of going into auto-rescue mode when we care about someone. It's just a very clearing little book, and appropriate to anyone who cares and wishes to help.