Infidelity on the Internet: Virtual Relationships and Real Betrayal (Paperback)

by Marlene M. Maheu (Author), Rona Subotnik (Author) "Sara in Toronto is ending her email conversation with Edward in Australia..." (more)
Key Phrases: offline affairs, virtual lover, online sexual activity, Talk Time, United States, Instant Message (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly
"Cybering," slang for virtual sex online, appears to be the dark secret of the Internet, and it is creating havoc in the real world of relationships. The ease with which people can find partners for sex a quick computer search can yield hundreds of opportunities, in chat rooms or on porn sites and the apparent safety of anonymous encounters has tempted huge numbers of people to cheat on their mates. According to mental health professionals Maheu and Subotnik (Surviving Infidelity), a large-scale study in 2000 reported that an estimated 20% of Internet users engage in online sexual activity, and two-thirds of them are married or in a committed relationship. The many cybersex practitioners given voice here demonstrate wide-ranging viewpoints about what constitutes infidelity. People cruise cyberspace for brief sex with strangers or for lengthy affairs. Some believe cybersex is a harmless fantasy, while others acknowledge the harmful consequences that discovery brings and express profound regret. Testimonies of cybering adventures solicited through a self-help Web site elucidate the different motivations that drive people to have cybersex and the obsessive-compulsive behavior that can develop among habitual users. Expressing zero tolerance for people who minimize the consequences of cyberinfidelity, the authors present a program for kicking the habit and rebuilding a damaged relationship after an online romance has been revealed. Although they allow for the possibility that in a climate of openness and honesty, extramarital cybering might be a nonthreatening, permissible form of Internet recreation, their argument that cyberinfidelity is often damaging and addictive is convincing. (Nov.)Forecast: If cybering is as widespread as the authors suggest, the audience for this book could be sizable. But do cheaters actually purchase books on cheating? Sourcebooks apparently hopes so; the house has planned a 25,000 first printing.

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal
Psychologist Maheu (editor in chief, SelfhelpMagazine.com) and marriage counselor Subotnik (coauthor, Surviving Infidelity) contend that couples may experience serious emotional harm when they turn to computers to vent stress. By chatting, e-mailing, and viewing pornography, people become at-risk for infidelity and sexual compulsion. Offering revealing vignettes and a sometimes clinical narrative, the text makes valuable points about the importance of communication, the pain caused by any form of cheating, the attraction of cybersex, and the path toward healing. While the book effectively addresses the feelings of the spouse and shows that a cyberaffair constitutes a real betrayal, it neglects to treat the "other man/woman" as a real person, thereby downplaying the transgression. Also, several times in the text, the cyberaffair/sexual encounter is referred to as "fantasy," and the individuals in the case studies often compare the "fake Internet world" with the "real world," further distorting the concept of unfaithfulness. Readers thus come away with a conflicting message. Online infidelity and addiction is better covered in Patrick Carnes's In the Shadows of the Net (LJ 5/15/01) and in a section of Emily Brown's Affairs (LJ 9/15/99). Only those libraries that don't own such titles or need a one-stop source should purchase. Jeanne Larkins, New York
Copyright 2001 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 288 pages
• Publisher: Sourcebooks, Inc.; 1 edition (November 1, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1570717222
• ISBN-13: 978-1570717222
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6.1 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #501,094 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

34 of 34 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A good reality check, April 28, 2002

By A Customer

This book defines and tries to explain internet infidelity. It shows the hurtful and destructive effects of internet infidelity on all parties concerned, often using case histories to illustrate types of behavior and the potential effects.

This book became a "reality checkpoint" for me when I needed it most. My husband kept telling me that there's nothing wrong with chat room encounters because they "aren't real" (whatever that means), that chat room encounters are no worse than looking at a pornographic magazine, and that, in any event, it's all my fault. For a while, I was plagued with grief, guilt and self-doubt. This book helped me see the excuses, denials and finger-pointing for what they really were. If you are having self-doubts and are beating yourself up emotionally, take a look at this book.

36 of 38 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Helpful and Clarifying Book, November 2, 2001

By A Customer

When I caught my husband on the Internet I wasn't sure what to make of it. I felt hurt, confused, and betrayed. I wasn't sure if I could trust him again, and was skeptical about our relationship. I read this book and things became much clearer to me. It helped me figure out what was going on, what my own feelings were, and how to talk with my husband. I'm happy to report we are working things out. The book got to the core of our problems and gave me stories along the way to let me know I was not alone. I highly recommend this book to anyone in my situation.

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars WOW!!! , March 3, 2006

By	Brigette L. Krueger "IanBrig" (Anchorage, AK) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This book helped my husband realize and acknowledge his addiction, and helped me, his wife, to understand what exactly he was dealing with. It also helped us both begin his recovery by suggesting ways to overcome and deal with this kind of addiction. I DEFINITELY give this book a 5* rating, simply because it saved my marriage.