I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude Toward Relationships And Romance (Paperback)

by Joshua Harris (Author), Rebecca St. James (Author) "THE I KISSED DATING GOODBYE STUDY GUIDE was created to help people share in the journey of seeking God's will for romance..." (more)
Key Phrases: defective dating, dating goodbye, Kissed Dating Goodbye Study Guide, Joshua Harris, Jesus Christ (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review
While most Christians agree to seek purity and save sex for marriage, few have been given a blueprint for how that should affect their view of dating and love. In I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Joshua Harris exposes the "Seven Habits of Highly Defective Dating" and offers a realistic outline of how to have a biblical vision of marriage. Harris contends that one must begin with a new attitude, viewing love, purity, and singleness from God's perspective rather than thinking that love and romance are to be enjoyed "solely for recreation." In such well-named chapters as "Guarding Your Heart" and "What Matters at Fifty," Harris encourages the reader to look at one's character rather than reveling in infatuation, to regard love as a truly selfless, biblical act rather than a feeling. He refutes the concept that we are victims of "falling in love" (that it is beyond our control), saying that "God wants us to seek guidance from scriptural truth, not feeling. Smart love looks beyond personal desires and the gratification of the moment. It looks at the big picture: serving others and glorifying God." Before you roll your eyes, moaning that this sounds terribly unromantic, know that Harris does a superb job of couching his convictions in the sincere belief that if we are purposeful in our singleness and date with integrity, a fulfilled marriage awaits us--in God's timing. --Jill Heatherly

Product Description
Countless teens today feel depressed or discouraged because they don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Many single Christians feel frustrated with culture's expectations and patterns of dating. Youth pastors and parents find themselves dealing with young adults who fall into sexual temptation or spend more energy on dating than on following God. I Kissed Dating Goodbye offers an all-new approach to dating relationships, calling young adults away from playing the dating game and revealing how they can live a lifestyle of sincere love, true purity, and purposeful singleness. Honest and practical, this powerful book will inspire teens and young adults to remap their romantic lives in the light of God's Word. Not just a book of theory, I Kissed Dating Goodbye includes healthy challenges to today's cultural assumptions about relationships and provides solid, biblical alternatives to society's norm.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 238 pages
• Publisher: Multnomah Books; 1st THUS edition (April 1, 1997)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1576730360
• ISBN-13: 978-1576730362
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.2 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars See all reviews (542 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #29,273 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

65 of 76 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Quite a challenge, but well worth it!, December 22, 1999

By	Shantelle (Michigan) - See all my reviews

I am 25 years old, and I have dated since I was 16, moving from boyfriend to boyfriend as soon as possible. I always felt lonely if I didn't have someone to hold hands with, kiss, snuggle with, etc. But every one of my nine relationships ended in someone getting hurt because one of us was not ready to make the big commitment. I also ended up having intimate relations, as it is very difficult to say no when you are in a relationship for a long time. (I know of only a handful of 20+ people who have accomplished this.) After ending my most recent relationship, this book looked very appealling. I read it and I was all set to give up dating. Now that my hurt and anger have diminished, the books advice gets hard to follow, especially being the holidays...however...

I have never been so happy with the direction my life is taking, and it's getting easier every day. For anyone reading this review, please take heart and give this way of living a chance. The bad reviews sound like they are coming from people who do not have the conviction or will power to give up intimacy. You will meet many, many men/women like this, and they make it very hard to stick to your guns. And others make it sound like living like this makes it impossible to meet people - not true! You meet people of the same sex and become freinds, don't you? Just treat the opposite sex the same way while you are getting to know them! (Very hard, but not impossible!) And just let me say - for those who think that Joshua Harris did not have enough experience or was old enough to know what he was talking about, I believe it is God's message, through Josh, we are hearing when we read I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Please give it a chance - you will not regret it! I've gotten so many rewards already.

32 of 36 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Something honest..., September 6, 2004

By	KF - See all my reviews

This review is from: I Kissed Dating Goodbye (Paperback)

I've never reviewed anything on Amazon.com before. But after reading this book and reviewing some of the comments, I had to say something.

First on the book... I think it is an amazing insight into dating in our culture. The book isn't as much about not dating as it is about realizing the opportunity you have as a single person to work for God. He's basically arguing that for the amount of time and energy we put into worrying about the person we just met at the bar last night, we have an even better opportunity to use that energy work for and bless God.

He's not saying anyone can't date. Rather, he's questioning the motivations we have behind dating and asking people to really be honest with themselves. One of the reviews posted here on Amazon said something to the effect that "Harris is wrong, I need to date to learn more about relationships and the opposite sex." Got news for you, this is the exact reason Harris says you shouldn't be dating. If you view dating in and of itself as a reason to improve your own "dating skills", you're using the other person in the relationship. In some of the reviews people are basically saying, "Hey, I need to date that way when I meet the right person I'll be ready!" Again, this is selfish and speaks to many of Harris's points about how we use people to refine our opinions of the opposite sex. It's as if we can take a peice of each person we've dated in the past and we'll combine them into the perfect spouse!

I think the reason this book sparks so much debate is because it really calls some people out in terms of their own dating lives. Harris basically says, "If you've been with someone for so long and haven't figured out if you're going to marry them, it's time to move on because all you're doing is using the other person." Oooh boy - I can see some people not liking this. But it's so true!!! He's saying, "Sex should be saved for marriage." Again, I'm sure someone will argue, "but I love the person!" - but if you really love the person, you'll wait.

I guess what's crazy, especially after reading some of the reviews, is that people believe Harris says we just shouldn't date at all. Again, please actually read the book. Harris is really saying that we need to reexamine our reasons for dating in the first place and to enter into our relationships with the opposite sex with God's intentions in mind (selfless love and friendship). He argues we rush into dating to fulfill our romantic needs (needs that only fulfill our selfish emotions and lust), instead of seeing the other person as a friend in Christ.

I would whole heartedly recommend this book to anyone who is single and struggling with their dating life.

168 of 209 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Changed My Life!, July 9, 1999

By	Chris Cowen (Minneapolis, MN USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Wow! Wow! Do not hesitate in getting this book. I'm going to read it a 2nd time. Good thing I had a couple red pens because the first one went dry due to the need to underline so many wonderful, Godly points. Joshua Harris is remarkably mature and insightful for his age (early 20s).

I'm 26 and now "I've kissed dating goodbye," too. Having been incredibly hurt (and also causing an incredible amount of hurting) in my last supposedly-Christian relationship, the new, God-centered approach he outlines seems like exactly what God would have me do. I've learned to be content in this "season of singleness" and to seek to serve God and prepare for the future He has for me.

Harris' prayer for us is God's prayer (Phillipians 1:9-11, "That your love my abound more and more in knowledge and insight so that you may be able to discern what is best and be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruits of righteousness...") This is just one of literally tens of Biblical references that guides Harris every step of the way.

If I could have one wish, it was that I would have read this book in 11th grade, before I started dating. It would have saved me (and my ex-girlfriends) a lot of hurt. Thankfully, all things are made new in Christ, and it's never to late to be made new!

This book would also be great for married people! In fact, I gave a copy to my mom, both so that she can better understand her children, and also so that she can read about Harris' insights into God-centered relationships.

Harris challenges us to serve our brothers and sisters in Christ by protecting both our and their purity, and by not pursuing romantic relationships, contact or activities until God has prepared us and has given us the person He would have us be with. No, he doesn't advocate becoming a hermit. On the contrary, his approach teaches us to cultivate deeper (100% Godly) relationships with members of the opposite sex, carried out only in group settings, so "that nothing need be hidden." I've now got a "passion for purity" in relationships and life in general! While we can never completely eliminate sin, we are either progressing toward or away from purity. Previously, I had been stepping away too often.

It also lays out a Godly path for dealing with tough situations in relationships. And it concludes with a helpful section on how to move toward marriage with a potential spouse in a Godly-fashion when God has ordained the "when" and the "who"! Rather than being an "obligation" to wait to date, Harris presents it in a way that makes me feel priveleged to serve God (and myself and His Children) in this way.

Harris also includes many good references for further reading. I'm reading one of those books now, called "The Rich Single Life" by C.J. Mahaney. It's also outstanding.

I guarantee you've never read a book on relationships like this. As Harris says, "this is not a "how to date" book but a "how to break up with dating book!"" It's impossible to say too many good things about this book.

I've learned the importance of preparation, service, humility, contentedness, prayer, purity, love, gentleness, self-control, patience, knowledge, tenderness, compassion, vision, listening, and so much else.

I'm literally on-line right now buying a case of this book to give away to friends & family. I've already given away 3 copies. In the inscription on my brother's (age 16) copy, I wrote "This may be the most important gift I've ever given you."

I would strongly encourage anyone, whether in a relationship or not, Christian or not, to get this book and STUDY it immediately. It will change your life, too!