Adopting the Hurt Child: Hope for Families with Special-Needs Kids (Hardcover)

~ (Author), Regina M. Kupecky (Author), L.G. Mansfield (Editor)
Key Phrases: fetal alcohol syndrome, bonding cycle, holding therapy, United States, Reactive Attachment Disorder, Foster Cline (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

To Love a Child is the heartwarming story of one man's commitment to a child that had been declared not adoptable. Then three years old, the child was born addicted to drugs, his mother had been murdered, and he had been dubbed all but a throwaway. Here, writer Schwarz chronicles the events of one remarkable year?from the day before he met his son to the day the courts legalized the adoption. During that time, the Schwarzes took in another child. Exhibiting a broad range of experience, Keck, founder of a treatment center for children with developmental problems, and Kupecky, Ohio's 1990 Adoption Worker of the Year, together examine many issues affecting today's adoptive families. They address various phases of the adoption process: early issues in the adoptive family; age-specific problems, as well as solutions; and clarification on issues of parenting or working with the abused or damaged child. Throughout, numerous case histories are cited. Both books include superior resources, readings, and index arrangements, and both are recommended for all libraries.?Marty D. Evensvold, Magnolia P.L., Tex.
Copyright 1995 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Product Description

THE NEW FACE OF ADOPTION.

Fewer and fewer families adopting today are able to bring home a healthy newborn infant. The majority of adoptions now involve emotionally wounded, older children who have suffered the effects of abuse or neglect in their birth families and carry complex baggage with them into their adoptive families. Adopting the Hurt Child addresses the frustrations, heartache, and hope surrounding the adoptions of these special-needs kids.

Children who have endured emotional and physical atrocities, failed reunifications, and myriad losses associated with multiple moves in the foster care system not only present unique challenges to their adoptive families but also impact greater society in significant ways. Integrating social, psychological, and sociopolitical issues, Adopting the Hurt Child explains how trauma and interruptions affect these children's normal development and often severely undermine their capacity to function in a loving family and in society.

Written in a non-technical style accessible to a diverse audience, Adopting the Hurt Child brings to light grim truths, but also real hope that children who have been hurt can be healed and brought back into life by the adoptive and foster parents, therapists, teachers, social workers, and others whose lives interact with theirs.

"This book is filled with relevant, timely, and specific information for adoptive parents: How are children damaged? What are the age-specific problems, and most important, what are the solutions? Dr. Keck and Mrs. Kupecky clarify issues of parenting, treating, and working with abused or damaged children. All parents who adopt children at risk should make this a 'must read' book!"-Foster W. Cline, M.D., coauthor of Parenting with Love and Logic

"In the 18 years I have spent advocating for children and their families in the child welfare and legal system, Adopting the Hurt Child is one of the finest and most helpful books I have ever read. It should be required reading for anyone contemplating adoption-special-needs or not. It should also be required reading for all foster parents, child welfare professionals, and policy makers. Keck and Kupecky's book is a scathing indictment of a system that often treats children like objects. It is, however, an indictment that offers solid advice, guidance, and hope."-Barbara J. Ruhe, Esq., attorney and adoptive parent

"Adopting the Hurt Child thoroughly and realistically examines many issues affecting adoptive families. Through readable prose interspersed with actual case histories, the authors clearly outline the challenges of special-needs children, but also suggest ways in which parents can work with children to help them make sense of their past and build a better future."-Joe Kroll, executive director, North American Council on Adoptable Children

"Keck and Kupecky's profound and compassionate understanding of attachment-strained children and their adoptive families brought me to tears throughout the book. The poignant insights into a child's needs and the development-enhancing parenting techniques in Adopting the Hurt Child will benefit any parent."-Martha G. Welch, MD, author of Holding Time

"Adopting the Hurt Child should be read by all adoptive parents, adoption workers, and clinicians who struggle to meet the need of deeply disturbed children. Keck and Kupecky advocate the importance of accurate diagnosis of reactive attachment disorder and offer pages of advice and clear examples of the ways parents and therapists can become effective helpers in a child's struggle to make significant connections."-Kenneth W. Watson, MSW, LCSW, former assistant director of the Chicago Child Care Society, and coauthor of Adoption and the Family System: Strategies for Treatment

"Each year, more than 13,000 children come to their families in the United States through intercountry adoption. I am pleased that this revised version of Adopting the Hurt Child includes a chapter on intercountry adoption and the issues that it involves. As international adoptions increase, it is helpful to have the thoughtful, sound advice that is presented with such candor in Adopting the Hurt Child."-Susan Soon-Keum Cox, adoption advocate and adult adoptee from Korea

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 256 pages
• Publisher: NavPress; New Edition edition (May 1, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1576830942
• ISBN-13: 978-1576830949
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.2 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (26 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #433,694 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

79 of 80 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Read This Before Adopting Older Children!, January 5, 2000

By	"julesbai" (Chapel Hill, NC) - See all my reviews

As an adoption educator, adoptive parent of three (3) special needs children, as well as a birth mother in reunion, I recommend ADOPTING THE HURT CHILD to all prospective adoptive parents. Society tends to sugar-coat adoption, believing that adoptive parents are saints and the adopted child should be grateful to have a family. Unfortunately, particularly when adopting older children, adoptive families are not well-equipped nor adequately prepared to appropriately deal with all of the emotional, behavioral and/or psychological issues these children hold within themselves. When the child begins to act out aggressively, rebelliously or sexually, we/society, tend to criticize the child for not being appreciative of the new life he's been given, or dismiss the behavior, reverting to the old "bad blood" concept from times long past. Often, these special needs children seem to be typical to outsiders, acting out only in the home environment. ADOPTING THE HURT CHILD gives readers insight into how these children became hurt and offers sound advice on not only dealing appropriately with the child's behavior, but on seeking professional help, how to set parameters, exercise patience, creating a safe and nurturing environment and more. As an adoption educator, I utilize this book as a basis when teaching workshops on adopting special needs children and it continues to bring better understanding, as well as empathy and compassion to both the adoption professionals and prospective adoptive parents whom I train. I also give this book as a gift to all of my children's physicians and therapists so they, too, can better treat my children. This is a book written in the true sense of "the best interest of the child." I encourage you to read this book and share it with everyone in your support circle of friends, family and health professionals. Education is the best tool we have to promote understanding.

38 of 39 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Must Read for Anyone involved in a Difficult Relationship, March 12, 2000

By A Customer

This book is a must read for anyone involved in a difficult relationship due to childhood issues or anyone thinking about adopting a child. I purchased it because my husband and I are thinking about adopting a Special Needs child. This definitely helps you to think long and hard about your possible parenting capabilities with a child with Special Needs. I definitely related to the Dreams and Realities Chapter, which has caused me to really evaluate what I am hoping to accomplish in my life with this adoption. Additionally, the chapters on identifying specific behaviors was a real eye opener for me. Although my ex-husband did not come from an adoptive family, I believe he had a lot of the characteristics of a child with Attachment Difficulties. I may have been able to help him, if I had thought of his problems at this level rather than dealing with our problems through marital counseling (how sad to discover this too late.)This is just simply an honest, informative book helping to educate people before taking such a major step in life. Also, this book provides possible answers to the difficult situations we may face in the future. I completely admire the total dedication to a child's needs that this book focuses on.

37 of 38 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Landmark Book on Attachment & Adoption, November 26, 2002

By A Customer

Two years ago, we assumed guardianship of my husband's troubled 12-year old niece. She was my husband's sister's child and came from a "House of Horrors." Every conceivable problem existed. Drug abuse, domestic violence, sick pornography, sibling incest, severe parental neglect, sarcasm, ridicule, brutality and denial. She came from the inner city, to our sheltered, happy home in the suburbs. It was akin to someone moving to a foreign country. Fortunately, I read "Adopting the Hurt Child." The book was a lifesaver. I do not exaggerate. Social workers and incompetent therapists seemed to blame us for her problems, (and we hadn't had her for even a year). The authors said this is common. Adoptive parents take the heat for the original family's neglect. The authors nailed every single issue, or problem, with razor sharp accuracy. Our niece is an actress with attachment issues. She wears masks. She plots, she cannot "be." She was never taught real love or how to be with people. Her presence in our household really shook us to the core. She acted coquettish and manipulative with my husband; snide to me (the mom). I do not see the book as negative, but as candid. Love isn't always enough. Movies may have happy endings, but real life is altogether different. Sometimes, these children do not get better. At least, empowered with the advice of this book, you can seek better therapy treatments, know what kind of therapist to hire, and sniff out the bad ones immediately. Now, two years later, we found an attachment therapist. This terrific therapist cannot be manipulated. She is both tough and compassionate. We made more progress with her -- in three sessions, than our niece did with a sex abuse counselor in a year. Our niece still has many problems, and time will tell. We are hanging in there. And I still reference this book. It's just superb. God bless both the authors.