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32 of 32 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Modesty as a personal experience. Persuasive. Great read., May 12, 2000
While comparisons to Return to Modesty and Kosher Sex are expected, this book differs in several ways. First, Manis Friedman never had a doubt that a modest lifestyle is better for someone's mental and spiritual health and second, he's not just talking about sex. The third difference is that he's not so much talking about a broad sweeping movement as much as a method of helping individuals get their lives on track.Manis Friedman is one of the celebrities of the Lubavitcher movement and his writing and lectures exemplify why the Lubavitch movement is one of the most successful in reaching out to Jews unimpressed with observance. The operating procedure seems to imply "you think it's all going to be too hard for you? It doesn't fit your personality? Well, let's start small and see what you do feel comfortable with". In this book Manis Friedman doesn't talk about the sexual mores at first. He knows that people see them as hopelessly outdated and Victorian. Instead he talks about modesty as an all encompassing part of the relationship. In his sermons, he helps to sensitize the reader to avoid little things that couples do all the time like arguing in public, making snide remarks when their partner argues with the clerk at the grocery store, etc. Through these stories and examples he gives a very intriguing and real picture of what a marriage could be and how it can be still romantic and fresh forever instead of for the first decade. By the time he starts talking about the sexual rules of modesty, you are with him. You want the kind of relationship that he describes and if that means you wait until you get married to even touch a woman, so be it. And since this is Judaism, not Catholicism, there is no condemnation of sexuality. It's all about refinining sexuality and making it better than it could ever be in the so-called "swinging single" scene. When Manis Friedman describes a young man who isn't interested in dating or getting married just yet, he even hints at the popular "repressed guy just waiting to release all that pent up energy" fantasy with apparent approval. And just in case, you think that Friedman's ideas based on Halackic Jewish law are terribly repressive and limiting in sexuality, the guy's got 14 kids. He must be doing something right. Read it. You might not agree with it. You might disagree with 90% of what's in this book, but that 10% that you agree with will make you think and make you feel and help you make healthier decisions in your life.
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by Gila Manolson
by Esther Jungreis
by Gila Manolson
by Nosson Scherman
