Try and Make Me!: Simple Strategies That Turn Off the Tantrums and Create Cooperation (Paperback)

~ Ph.D. Ray Levy (Author), Bill O'Hanlon (Author), Tyler Norris Goode (Author) "Eric Cranberry was turning his mother's hair a premature gray..." (more)
Key Phrases: rewarding small changes, defiant kids, inflexible child, Guided Compliance, Miss Jones, Future Muscle (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

With little jargon and plenty of clarity, Ray Levy and Bill O'Hanlon, with writer Tyler Norris Goode, provide specific, sensible advice to parents who struggle with uncooperative children. Try and Make Me: A Revolutionary Program for Raising Your Defiant ChildAWithout Losing Your Cool first defines and explains children's defiance (including the ways parents can inadvertently encourage such behavior), and then systematically explores many possible solutions. Emphasizing consequence-based strategies designed to make children reasonably responsible for their actions, the authors refer again and again to anecdotes that will reassure parents that they're not alone. Illus.
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

Review

"The authors' well-integrated program helps frustrated parents avoid futile battles and take loving but firm charge of their difficult children. I will recommend this book to the parents of my own defiant young patients."--Barbara D. Ingersoll, Ph.D., author of Your Hyperactive Child and Attention Deficit Disorders and Learning Disabilities"Written in a conversational style, this book is replete with useful methods that parents can employ with difficult or defiant children. This is a truly helpful manual for parents seeking time-tested strategies for improving their relationships with their children."--Russell A. Barkley, professor of psychiatry and neurology, University of Massachusetts Medical School, and the author of Your Defiant Child: 8 Steps to Better Behavior"In a very clear, compassionate, sensible, and humorous way, Try and Make Me! outlines realistic guidelines and strategies for helping defiant youngsters become more cooperative and less oppositional. I recommend this book highly not only for parents of defiant children but for teachers and mental health professionals who work with these youngsters and their families. It is an invaluable resource."--Robert Brooks, Ph.D., assistant clinical professor at Harvard Medical School and author of The Self-Esteem Teacher

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Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: Rodale Books (February 1, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 157954553X
• ISBN-13: 978-1579545536
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 5.9 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (24 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #127,127 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

40 of 41 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Great advice on dealing with defiant kids, January 8, 2001

By	Susan Tilly "soccer mom" - See all my reviews

This review is from: Try and Make Me!: A Revolutionary Program for Raising Your Defiant Child - Without Losing Your Cool (Hardcover)

This is a truly wonderful book for anyone with kids. Unlike so many of the other books on child-raising, this one provides more than just a one-size-fits-all approach. It has a variety of techniques for improving the behavior of your child, and most importantly, it not only tells you what to do, but how to do it and why it works. It goes way beyond the usual time-outs and consequences pablum and suggests all sorts of other techniques. It also tells you what not to do, and why it won't work.

Another way this book departs from the crowd is by looking at the parent. It's not always your kid's fault, and this book explains -- gently -- what you, as a parent, might be doing to provoke or exacerbate some of the unwelcomed behavior. For the first time, I realized why time-outs and other techiques work for some parents, and not for others.

As the mother of two kids, ages 4 and 6, I'd recommend this for everyone.

21 of 22 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Hope for frustrated parents, May 10, 2001

By	George Zee (www.frzee.org, Hong Kong) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review is from: Try and Make Me!: A Revolutionary Program for Raising Your Defiant Child - Without Losing Your Cool (Hardcover)

Parents who are experiencing difficulty in dealing with "defiant" children who lack the motivation to behave and "inflexible" children who lack the skills, can find much help here! This book is incisive, personal, interesting and practical. It gives hope and you are encouraged to "Never, Ever Give Up".

Key ideas are summarised in "Behavior Basics", usually with sub-headings, at the end of most of the 24 chapters. E.g. "Three Parenting Styles Likely to Produce or Aggravate Defiance. 1. Defiant parents. These people micromanage and come down too hard on kids. Making every issue a control issue is bound to create more opposition and defiance. 2. Peacemaker parents. For varying reasons, these parents will cough up money or stretch themselves to their outer limits-all to avoid conflict. 3. Apprehensive parents. ¡Kthese parents don't provide their kids with appropriate discipline and en up parenting out of fear." (p.21) If you first look through all these succinct summaries you get a good idea of the book already.

Interesting metaphors often convey the points well. Is our child like a horse, positively motivated and cooperative, or a camel, that sometimes has to be prodded (light a fire under the tail!)? Does he have "garlic problems" that he bothers others without self-awreness or "bean problems" that he is aware of causing?

The authors advocate a blending of both positive and negative motivations to prepare our children for the real world. They debunk myths about parenting ("Nothing works with these kids", "It's all biochemical"¡K). Praise doesn't work. But acknowledgements--statements that help the child figure out who he is, are a way of showing appreciation without value judgment. They are useful. Just give specific description of the behavior noticed. Also distinguish between consequences (asked to clean the room again) and punishment (grounding the child from TV for not cleaning the room). Consequences teach the child.

Look through "Brain-Dead Phrases You Can Use" (pp. 70-71) or "Scripts for Shutting Down Arguments" (pp.208-9). Short and simple replies like, "Could be", "Good try", "Sorry you feel that way¡K" can diffuse many unnecessary explosions. This is a practical book for parents, and teachers too. Those who like the book, may find it valuable to also study O'Hanlon's "Do One Thing Different" and "A Guide to Possibility Land".

15 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Pediatrician finds book useful and easy to read., March 14, 2001

By A Customer

This review is from: Try and Make Me!: A Revolutionary Program for Raising Your Defiant Child - Without Losing Your Cool (Hardcover)

As a general pediatrician in suburban Dallas, parents not infrequently ask me to suggest a book that will help them gain control over their defiant child. I am happy to say that I have discovered an answer to their struggles. Ray Levy's book is an easy read and is full of practical suggestions for surviving parenthood under the challenges of life with a defiant child. The writing style is informal and anecdotal with many humorous examples with which any parent can readily relate. I have three beautiful children, none of whom I would describe as defiant, and I still find some of the techniques in the book to be useful in my own home. I have ordered 4 additional copies of the book so that I can place one in each of my exam rooms for parents to peruse. I hope you find this book as useful as I have.