The Post-Adoption Blues: Overcoming the Unforseen Challenges of Adoption (Paperback)

~ Karen J. Foli Ph.D. (Author), John R. Thompson M.D. (Author) "In all facets of our lives we have expectations that are shaped by our cultural, societal, and biological worlds..." (more)
Key Phrases: adoption buddy, postpartum depression screening scale, kinship parents, Barbara Rila, Eastern European, Dottie Boner (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

Over 150,000 people adopt children each year, and more than 2 million parents are now raising adopted children and grandchildren. While the path to parenting through adoption is rich with rewards and fulfillment, it's not without its bumps. This compassionate, illuminating, and ultimately uplifting book is the first to openly recognize the very normal feelings of stress that adoptive families encounter as they cope with the challenges and expectations of their new families.

Where do parents turn when the waited-for bonding with their adopted child is slow to form? When they find themselves grieving over the birth child they couldn't have? When the child they so eagerly welcomed into their home arrives with major, unexpected needs? Until now, adoptive parents have had to struggle silently with their feelings, which can range from flutters of anxiety to unbearable sadness.

At last, Karen J. Foli, a registered nurse, and her husband, John R. Thompson, a psychiatrist, lift the curtain of secrecy from "Post Adoption Depression Syndrome" (PADS). Drawing on their own experience as adoptive parents as well as interviews with dozens of adoptive families and experts in the field, the couple offers parents the understanding, support, and concrete solutions they need to overcome post-adoption blues-and open their hearts to the joy adoption can bring.

About the Author

Karen J. Foli, Ph.D., an accomplished writer, communications scholar and registered nurse, is the author of Like Sound Through Water: A Mother's Journey Through Auditory Processing Disorder.

John R. Thompson, M.D., Foli's husband, is a board-certified psychiatrist specializing in child and adolescent issues. They live in Bloomington, Indiana.

Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: Rodale Books (August 1, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1579548660
• ISBN-13: 978-1579548667
• Product Dimensions: 8.8 x 5.9 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #147,258 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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  #84 in	Books > Parenting & Families > Adoption

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

29 of 29 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Well-Researched Tool For Couples Considering Adoption, April 17, 2005

By	Jon Henshaw (Nashville, TN United States) - See all my reviews

The mission of The Post-Adoption Blues is to examine the challenges of adoption, and to alleviate feelings often experienced during and after the adoption process. More specifically, the authors' state the following as their goals:

- Narrow the differences between what is expected during the adoption process and what is actually experienced in order to lessen stress and depression.
- Teach adoptive families to confront stress and depression by allowing them to express the very real pain they're feeling; this will create opportunities for growth.
- Open dialogue on post-adoption emotions in order to contribute to better-prepared adoption experiences. Concentrate on securing for adoptive parents the care and help they need.
- Increase awareness and usage of effective coping strategies to help deal with stress and depression.
- Describe and better understand the specific vulnerabilities of each type of adoption, be it domestic (open or confidential), international, foster parent, or kinship.

In the book, the authors tackled difficult, but all-to-real fears that many adoptive parents experience. Some of them included concerns about parenting skills, and worries about how attached they will or will not become with their child. They described the following scenario regarding attachment:

"Falling in love with a child that smells different, looks different, and behaves differently than you expected can be difficult. In some cases, immediate and visceral feelings of rejection of the child ensue. Then overwhelming panic grabs you as a you realize that you have no idea what you need to do to change the situation."

The authors provided concrete and practical advise for coping with most (if not all) of the stressors adoptive parents can experience. Along with covering expectations -- what parents should expect from themselves, their child, friends and family, etc. -- the inclusion of coping techniques will help most parents better survive each difficulty as it may arise.

Throughout the book, the authors included small snippets called thoughts from an expert. The snippets were quotes from other experts in the field. They seemed to help solidify each point the authors were attempting to make. Another helpful element was case studies. The authors supplemented their work with real-life case studies, which in turn made each point more personal for the reader.

The Post-Adoption Blues is a well-researched, thoughtful, and useful tool for couples who are contemplating adoption, and for parents who are already there. Without hesitation, I would recommend this book as required reading for anyone who is considering or already experiencing the adoption of a child.

23 of 23 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Unexpected and excellent!!, May 30, 2005

By	M. Moore "Maggie" - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This was a surprisingly wonderful book! After so many pregnancy losses, I was not really interested in how we may be faced with a different type of depression as my heart was ready to focus on the life that would be joining our family instead of the death we have experienced. Needless to say, there was a large part of me that was hesitant in buying this book. Only, I kept coming back to it and I am so glad that I did. This is NOT the "doom and gloom" book that I assumed it would be! It discusses not only the expectations we have regarding adoption in general due to our own feelings, or those laid upon us but also the expectations we have of ourselves as parents, our family/friends, community, and agency.

Honestly, I was shocked to see how much of this book already applied to our family as it is already "different" in that we have a larger family size (6 children). I was truly amazed to see how many of these same issues (esp re: family/friends, community) are issues and feelings that we have already encountered just resulting from being a large family.

This book is very sensitive to the now "public" family (as in everyone seems to feel they are entitled to hear your story of why you chose adoption, why you choose int'l adoption, how much your baby cost, etc.) and really discusses how to maintain not only your privacy but your need for support instead of criticism (or "neglect") due to others disrespectful and/or hurtful comments.

This is a "self-impowering" book; and is perfect to help you prepare for unexpected reactions regarding this most blessed event. It was worth every minute I spent reading it!

11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Great resource for adoption group discussions., January 8, 2005

By	Allison Martin "Book Reviewer" (comeunity.com) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This book came about as a consequence of Dr. Foli's difficulty in bonding with her baby daughter early in her adoption. As a couple, Dr. Foli and Dr. Thompson used this as a starting point to highlight many of the emotional aspects of adoption with which parents might struggle. Their belief is that by identifying and accepting difficult emotions and circumstances, parents can work through them to achieve feelings of love and acceptance.

This book will be useful to a parent (or perspective parent) who finds themselves struggling with feelings of sadness, frustration or anger. It will affirm that these are feelings that others have felt and offers suggestions for coping with these emotions.
It is likely that parts of the book will be more pertinent than others, depending upon your circumstances and personality as so many issues are addressed. Nonetheless, the approach of bringing a host of issues to the discussion table is commendable and results in a valuable resource.