Make Up Don't Break Up (Hardcover)

by Bonnie Eaker Weil Ph.D. (Author), Toni Robino (Author)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review
There are many "potholes on the road to love," says therapist Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D., who stresses that despite the heady emotions involved, loving is a skill that needs to be learned: "It's very easy to 'fall' in love, but very few people know how to stay in love." Weil teaches "Smart Heart Skills" to strengthen a relationship when you're tempted to abandon it. You learn how to "connect, disconnect, and reconnect" with your partner.

This book has plenty of substance. Weil describes the typical problems that couples experience, explains what's going on and why, and teaches skills to overcome those problems. For example, are you a Pursuer or a Distancer? How about your partner? What can you do to ease the other's fears and create a healthy bond? How can you "fight fair"? Why is it important to do family-of-origin work? Frequent tips, self-tests, dialogues, case studies, and the author's personal stories make the information easy to read and absorb. And if you think you have a history of awful dates, wait until you read the author's horror stories!

Although more than 60 percent of modern marriages end in divorce, Weil claims that 98 percent of the couples who learn and use her program make up instead of break up. And 98 percent of her single patients who learn these tools end up in love and marrying, usually within a year or two. This book is endorsed by two relationship biggies: Harville Hendrix and John Gray. --Joan Price

From Library Journal
New York magazine named Weil one of New York City's top therapists; she has been featured on many TV shows, published her work in many magazines, and written a best seller, Adultery: The Forgivable Sin. All this makes it hard to understand why her current effort is so lackluster. Here she struggles to pick an audience, dealing at first with long-term relationships but then throwing in a section on dating. Feminists will find much to quibble with in this book. For example, Weil encourages readers to work with current relationships rather than getting new ones but never tempers this advice with any caution regarding abusive partners. She also keeps telling women that they need to be the "Connection Guardians," since they have innate knowledge about relationships. Finally, she refers constantly to the "Smart Heart" skills she developed and to her own success with them in her marriage with Jeff, the Prince, which can grate. Not particularly recommended, but demand will probably warrant purchase.APamela A. Matthews, Gettysburg Coll. Lib., PA
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 306 pages
• Publisher: Adams Media Corporation (October 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1580621635
• ISBN-13: 978-1580621632
• Product Dimensions: 8.8 x 5.8 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #828,720 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

34 of 34 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars In doubt? Read this book first!, June 26, 2000

By A Customer

This book stresses that unless you work on yourself and come to terms with your own issues, you will encounter similar problems in future relationships. Even if someone great comes along in your life, if you are messed up, the relationship will not work out.

For many people, it is easy to end a relationship for good and find another partner. But this book forces you to question whether doing so is the solution to your relationship problems. Rather than running away from your problems, try to fix it. Then again, the book is not advocating that someone stays in a relationship that is patently destructive/abusive.

Some key things the author advocates: 1. Going back to the past - look at your parents' relationship and see how it has affected your own perceptions of creating loving relationships. Come to terms and even forgive what has been done wrong to you by your parent(s).

2. Temporary break-ups/separations - to shake things up a bit. If there has been a stalemate, spend time apart from your partner to re-evaluate whether the relationship is important enought to work for.

This was the first relationship book that I have bought and I have no regrets. Normally, I stay away from them but this one truly helped me to try to work things out with my boyfriend.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The perfect relationship manual, October 31, 2001

By A Customer

The title of this book really should have been, "How to play the relationship game and win!" It is awesome and it definitely works for me!

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Finally, an AWESOME book on relationships., August 13, 2001

By	Caroline Ghatt (Sydney, NSW Australia) - See all my reviews

Unlike the seeming millions of others, "Make up don't break up" is undoubtedly THE most positive book about relationships that I have ever read. So many other authors focus on what's wrong about you or your relationship - spending so much time on the negative or writing in such a superflous fashion that you end up feeling more confused and deflated than when you started!. I can honestly say that you will not feel this way when you read this book by Bonnie Eaker Weil. Not only did Eaker Weil write in a clear and concise way, she wrote with PASSION, INSIGHT and CONVICTION which impressed and moved me considerably. I found the book very easy to read and identified with so many of its points that it only took me 2 days to read it cover to cover! I couldn't put it down!! Whether you're out of love or in love or want to re-ignite the passion, this book WILL show you how. It takes an honest, truthful and engaging approach which will positively change the way you think and behave in your relationship. With that in mind, what are you waiting for?!