Be Loved for Who You Really Are: How the Differences Between Men and Women Can Be Turned into the Source of the Very Best Romance You'll Ever Know (Hardcover)

~ Ph.D. Judith Sherven (Author), Ph.D. Jim Sniechowski (Author) "You may know how to find her G-spot..." (more)
Key Phrases: deep intimacy, full arc, real romance, Second Passage, First Passage, The Clash of Differences (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

At a time when it's popular to believe men and women come from different planets, the husband and wife psychology team of Judith Sherven and James Sniechowski takes a far different approach in Be Loved for Who You Really Are. Using case histories, examples, and exercises from their own marriage and 14 years as relationship trainers, the authors suggest that individual and sex differences are not the source of relationship problems. Instead, they assert that true intimacy can be found in mapping and acknowledging differences as relationships ripen with time. You can't hurry love, say Shervan and Sniechowski, who counsel couples to understand four predictable passages to lasting love. These passages include "A glimpse of what is possible," "The clash of differences," "The magic of differences," and "The grace of deep intimacy." In each stage, couples are discouraged from hiding their differences or manipulating their partner to change, and rather are persuaded to encounter each other in genuine, unguarded ways. The book would have been strengthened with less New Age vocabulary and more examples from the authors' marriage, but overall, this is a wise and intriguing guide to creating a lasting love. --Barbara Mackoff

From Library Journal

A husband-and-wife psychology team, the authors are well known for their show on Wisdom Radio, appearances on TV talk shows, magazine columns, web site participation, and previous book, The New Intimacy. Here they present a blueprint for what they call "the arc of love." They detail the four passages through which real, mature love between two people progresses, highlighting how the differences between men and women can enhance rather than destroy a relationship. Anecdotes from their own 15-year marriage and from the lives of people they have counseled are used to illustrate their points. Replete with suggestions for further reflection or activities, the narrative tends to have a spiritual, New Age flavor. Love is often personified, and a higher power or spirit is referenced throughout, though no particular doctrine is espoused. The section describing the importance of conflict and its place in a relationship includes a warning about abuse. Given the proposed national media campaign, which will include appearances on Oprah, The View, and other popular media outlets, this book should generate demand. For public libraries' self-help collections. Margaret Cardwell, Christian Brothers Univ., Memphis
Copyright 2001 Reed Business Information, Inc.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 288 pages
• Publisher: Renaissance Books; 1st edition (October 19, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1580632068
• ISBN-13: 978-1580632065
• Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6.3 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #1,404,571 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

14 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Where to turn for advice about love that works? Here!, January 31, 2002

By	Arthur C. Klein (Catskill, NY United States) - See all my reviews

Reading this book is like journeying to the most exciting "school of life" imaginable -- to learn painlessly, thoroughly, and once and for all, about making love work.

Understanding the five stages of love, as explained by Doctors Sherven and Sniechowski, will help you more in your daily life than anything you've ever read, seen or experienced. This time you're going to get what you need. It's thrilling. And it works.

I've read this book so many times, that my mind automatically goes back to it whenever I get to a troubled point in my marriage. But don't troubled times in a marriage vanish after reading this book? Uh uh. This book is about human beings, not ethereal spiritual creatures. The point is, though, that being troubled about inevitable differences between two people DOES vanish. And that frees you up to actually work on your differences and find a way to turn them into greater intimacy.

Be Loved for Who You Really Are is so different from anything else I've read. It's lively as hell and anything but pedantic. The authors are people first, doctors second. They put themselves into the book. That means, right from the outset, you aren't alone. They're right there with you -- sympathizing, empathizing, encouraging, supporting -- and most important -- guiding and informing.

I love the underlying theme of this book; you can't fail at love. That isn't hype. The book lets you see how, if you put yourself out there in a real and clear way, you might not always get the results you want, but you won't fail. You won't let yourself down.

Read this book if greater intimacy is one of your most important goals. This is a brilliant, simple and wondrous roadmap to how to give yourself the greatest gift of all -- being loved for who you are.

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Never fail at Love?!, February 14, 2002

By	KG "kelligene2" (Windham,NY) - See all my reviews

This is not your run of the mill "how to" book on love, but a book that guides you through the spiritual journey of how to love and to be loved. The authors share personal anectodes, and stories of other couples, which helps brings the book to a real personal level. They send the message that, if you honor your self and others, you can never really fail at love...what a beautiful thing!

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Finding Love And Romance, January 13, 2002

By	Bill Weiner (Chatsworth, CA United States) - See all my reviews

Be Loved For Who You Really Are shows how differences between lovers can be turned into a powerful source of lifelong love and romance. The Mrs. and myself, having read the book, have discovered that the differences between us need not divide us - and in fact, can bring us closer together. For myself, I have learned to understand that the things she does that I used to let drive me up the wall are in fact the very things I love her for. Most important, Judith and Jim showed each of us how to examine what our part is in the miscommunications that go on all the time. Seems that finding romance with your mate is not a matter of changing them to your expectations. It's really about changing your own conceptions of yourself - and stretching yourself to accommodate others. This leads to a condition known as Intimacy, a quality I feel we could all use more of - instead of that other feeling we confuse with intimacy - Intensity. If you're like me - and I figure I'm no different than you - you have no doubt discovered what little power you have in changing the things he or she does that you don't like. You'll therefore be "knocked out" when Judith and Jim show you how to have an enormous amount of power in changing yourself. And once both partners take a good look at themselves - and give up the Blame Game - they each bring a new and romantic intimacy to their relationship. This book shows you how to achieve such. Be Loved For Who You Really Are teaches how to celebrate each other's differences, and how to co-create your own unique relationship. For Who You Really Are has put and end to 90% of the battles in our house. We have begun to learn to talk to one another, to reveal ourselves - and become bigger people in the process. I know I've become bigger, and it's not just from all that Haagen Daz! I've found out that I'm not such a hardheaded pig as I once thought. And my mate has discovered a softer side that makes me want to be more romantic. The style of Judith and Jim's writing takes the pain out of the process. Read this book, and it will take the pain out of finding love, understanding, romance and most important, yourself. Gotta go now. Martinis for me and the Mrs. - both of us, now shaken and stirred.