The Mistress: Histories, Myths and Interpretations of the "Other Woman" (Hardcover)

~ Victoria Griffin (Author) "I am a mistress..." (more)
Key Phrases: George Eliot, Marian Evans, Lloyd George (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

"My primary reason for writing this book," explains Victoria Griffin at the beginning of her fascinating study The Mistress, "is self-examination." Writing as a "mistress", Griffin is keen to focus on the personal, cultural, and historical dimensions of her role: "As long as there is Marriage," she concludes, "there will also be the Mistress." Conjuring up the quasi-mythical dimensions of an arrangement between men and women that, in one form or another, has existed for centuries, Griffin tracks her subject back through the figures of Hera (the wife) and the followers of Aphrodite (the women claimed by love and passion) in order to reconsider the changing role of the mistress in late-20th-century culture. Drawing on the lives of a number of creative, often unconventional, women--George Eliot, Rebecca West, and Jean Rhys amongst others--Griffin complicates the emotional scripts allotted to those who play out the drama of a ménage-à-trois. As such, she offers a cogent challenge to the conventional image of the mistress as a wife-in-waiting, a woman hoping to displace her lover's family in the name of her own. Passion--and relationships--are more complex than that. This book explores the act of being a mistress in terms of a different way of living: a refusal, or inability, to conform to social demands, certainly, but also a commitment to a love that resists possession. --Vicky Lebeau, Amazon.co.uk

From Library Journal

Griffin, a writer, poet, translator, and mistress of an important British financier, has crafted a readable but uneven history of the institution of mistresses. Drawing on myth and fact, her examples attempt to explain the characteristics of the "mistress type," the relationship between husband and wife, and society's ideals of propriety and fidelity in marriage. Simultaneously, she uses the narrative as a personal examination of her notions about being a mistress. Consequently, readers are unable to tell what is serious psychohistorical research and what is colored by Griffin's own feelings and individual experiences. Too, Griffin does not include examples from non-Western cultures, such as the geisha. Footnoted sporadically, her narrative depends upon secondary texts and published letters and diaries. This is interesting reading for a general audience, but scholars and students should use the standard women's histories (such as Olwen Hufton's The Prospect Before Her, Knopf, 1996) or the numerous books that deal with the mistress in a certain era, place, or by type (e.g., royal, presidential).AJenny Lynn Presnell, Miami Univ. Libs., Oxford, OH
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 320 pages
• Publisher: Bloomsbury USA (October 15, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1582340536
• ISBN-13: 978-1582340531
• Product Dimensions: 9.5 x 6.4 x 1.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.5 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #1,050,282 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Learning from history, January 3, 2003

By A Customer

At first glance, this book looks more like a history textbook, and if someone were looking for a book to help them get over the pain of an affair, they may feel disappointed. BUT, if you read this book with an open mind, no matter what side of the love triangle you're standing on, you have the opportunity to learn about yourself, your side, and what lies behind all of your motivations and experiences. It is more geared toward the other woman than the wife, but I suggest that the wife read this book in order to understand her own power in the triangle by viewing the side of the other woman.

I picked up this book after ending my second affair with hopes that it would somehow help me to heal from the pain. Although the book did not end up being a "how-to-get-over-it" book, I can honestly say that it was better than any other book that I have read on this subject. It has been my experience that in order to heal and move on from painful experiences, we must first realize the truth behind the actions and this book articulates these truths through narrating the stories of "the other woman" throughtout history.

This book has given me more to work with in my path to healing and understanding. My relationships with my ex-married men are now blame-free and drama-free because I now understand the dynamics of these types of relationships better. If you are thinking about getting into an extra-marital affair, it would do you some good to read this book in order to get a full understanding of what you are actually signing up for. It does a good job of being non-judgemental towards everyone in the triangle, and I believe that all sides should be understood fully.

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Would make a great textbook, August 10, 2000

By	E. Haynes "eek35" (Austin, TX United States) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This book starts out wonderfully, with autobiographical insight and a smattering of literary references that bring the concept of 'mistress' from the dim past to the present day. It even changed my views about 'polyamory' just a bit. If I would not choose such a lifestyle for myself, I can now at least see the attraction. And I've realized that my role in my monogamous relationship is far more that of 'mistress' rather than that of 'wife'. I agree with the writer that it is far more satisfying to have someone come home to you because he/she wants to be with you than because he/she is legally bound to do so. Where this bogs down is in the literary criticism (about the last half of the book). While I've read most of the works she cites and analyzes, I haven't read them recently enough to appreciate the depth of her scholarly endeavors, and I didn't feel like dropping _The Mistress_ to go re-read them. I'd love to see a literature class in which this book was taught along with the works Griffin critiques.

21 of 25 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars A great chance for self knowledge, December 5, 1999

By	John Bakas (Athens ,Greece) - See all my reviews

This book is a great reason for deeper search inside our selves . How can anybody make comments ,accept or even reward something that nobody would wish to happen to his/her own self by his/her life companion ? The subject by itself demands abnegation even for starting to deal with it . As a man I should normaly hide behind the fact that the book is written by a woman and it is talking about the "womans side ". But I know very well that it could be written by a man as well without the need to change almost nothing . (btw , who would dare to name the same book written by a mans hand as "Master" ?

Truth is Pain. Confession demands Abnegation . Reality demands Courage to be described as it is . People dont like truth to be said . They prefer black holes to exist inside them instead of touching their own wounds . Their "settled" way of life and their "civilized" society prefer to call "abnormal" or "illegal" anything goes "out of line". Its easier and more digestable to reject and judge than to project to their own selves anything wich would possibly make them discover their own hidden desires,the sins they dont dare to do ,their own dark side of the moon.

Keeping distance means safety .

Victoria Griffin s "Mistress" is not written for those who chose to be "safe" in their life.

Very good Victoria ! Thank you for giving us the chance to swim deeper in our souls .