The Wonder of Boys (Paperback)

by Michael Gurian (Author) "In Israel, at a social gathering, I met an emigre from India, a physician..." (more)
Key Phrases: teaching boys values, male kinship system, healthy male role, The Wonder of Boys, New York, The Passage Into Manhood (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review
In the thoughtful and provocative The Wonder of Boys: What Parents, Mentors, and Educators Can Do to Shape Boys into Exceptional Men, therapist and educator Michael Gurian takes a close look at modern boyhood. Gurian asserts that the biological and neurological differences between boys and girls need to be accounted for and nourished in order to raise healthy, happy boys. In discussing boy culture--and the roles of competition, aggression, and physical risk taking--the author concludes, "It's not boy culture that's inherently flawed; it's the way we manage it." If the natural, testosterone-based impulses of boys are squelched or ignored, Gurian posits, such biological truths may find their way to the surface in other, more negative behaviors. He suggests that boys do best when they are part of a "tribe," three families that include: a birth or adoptive family; an extended family of friends, teachers, peers, and mentors; and the "family" of outside culture, media, religious institutions, and community figures. The Wonder of Boys offers advice on how to understand and build strong father/son and mother/son relationships, stresses the importance of healthy discipline, and suggests methods of teaching boys about sex, relationships, and spirituality. Parents and teachers of boys will find this book to be an insightful read. --Ericka Lutz --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Publishers Weekly
Yes, boys and girls are different, says Washington state family therapist Gurian (Mothers, Sons and Lovers), urging that society learn how to deal creatively with gender-specific needs. In considering the cultural effects of heightened gender consciousness, Gurian warns of the dangers of "enmeshing male development with a female culture in transition." Outlining biological differences, he explains that boys are "hard-wired" to possess certain traits. Because of male brain chemistry and the hormone testosterone, boys are apt, for example, to relish risk-taking and to be physically aggressive and competitive (violence, he claims is not hard-wired, but learned through culture). What Gurian adds to this generally recognized background material is a persuasive summons to society, specifically parents, educators and communities, to unite to channel these traits in positive directions. Sports, for instance, allow competition but also teach responsibility. Work, nature study, music and spiritual pursuits are other positive channels. Gurian, who has also lived in Europe, Asia and the Middle East, suggests that we in the U.S. have grown away from beneficial rites of passage?and toward "isolated, tremulous, family systems." In this shift, he contends, boys have been abandoned, and he urges that society reclaim responsibility for the moral and spiritual upbringing of young males, with guidance offered by elder mentors and support coming from extended family or community. Writing in a calm, compassionate voice, Gurian delivers a compelling call to action. 50,000 first printing; author tour.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 320 pages
• Publisher: Tarcher; 10th Anniversaey Ed edition (September 7, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1585425281
• ISBN-13: 978-1585425280
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 5.9 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.4 out of 5 stars See all reviews (87 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #22,355 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

148 of 156 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars 'Boys and Girls are different' is a dangerous idea?, June 28, 2001

By	Robert Delsol (Des Moines, IA USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review is from: The Wonder of Boys (Paperback)

Some time ago I read this book and found it to be incredibly insightful. Not only did it help me understand my sons better, but I also came to understand myself better as well. I so enjoyed it that I came back to this review page recently to find suggestions of other books of this type. I was shocked to see that the rating had dropped precipitously since I'd first read it, brought down by a batch of scathing reviews. I noticed that they all sounded strangely the same - using hyperbolic, if not hyperventilating rhetoric, nearly all of them charging the book with "misogyny". As if championing the role of a father in a boy's life is somehow "woman-hating." Or suggesting that boys will be boys, so why don't we channel their natural aggression into positive activities is "dangerous". Naturally, most of these attackers did not cite examples (those who rely on name-calling and invective rather than reasoned thought never do.) There was one exception, though she completely misrepresented the author's point. I hope those of you considering this book are guided more by the reviews that actually discuss the ideas in the book, rather than those reviews poisoned by political agenda. This is an important book well worth your consideration.

29 of 31 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Moms need not take offense..., December 30, 2005

By	Karen (United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Wonder of Boys (Paperback)

Gurian has done an astoundingly thorough job in addressing the issues many of us face in raising boys today. I have read other books about raising boys, including other books by Gurian (also good), but this one by far is the most comprehensive, thoughtfully put together book I've ever read. I think that anyone who is thoughtful about raising sons and committed to doing the best job possible should take a good look at this book and give serious consideration to his ideas.

Gurian admits in this book that he does not have all the answers and is constantly working to refine his suggestions. I love what he has done and how he has done it, by actually talking with many families and kids around the world, and using this information, along with neuroscience, and his rich cultural background and education to formulate these suggestions.

The book is based on the unique testosterone driven neurological needs if males. It explains this in detail and how to best support a boy's development and channel a boy's natural aggression into a positive and constructive way of life through out the different stages of development. If you do not believe in the idea of "testosterone driven neurological needs" of boys, then this book may not be for you. But there have been many studies done that have shown the differences in male and female brains and much experiential evidence that there are differences. Any teacher and parent I have asked who has both sons and daughters attests to these differences. Again, if you are a parent of boys and committed to doing the best job you can, this book deserves a sincere look, and these ideas, serious consideration.

I do see this book as a passionate advocate for boys and maleness, but NOT as male over female promoting. Near the beginning of the book, it strives to dispell the common impression that girls are the ones in crisis by comparing staticstics about girls to those of boys. But the intent I got from it is the presentation of a reality check about the state of our boys, and a plea for change because of the crisis we have on our hands of delinquent boys. But, if I could change one thing about the book, it would be how this plea is presented - fewer comparisons to girls. I think the statistics for boys are revealing enough on their own.

Yes, it does point out how mothers, society, and even fathers and other males can and do unwittingly harm boys' development, but I did not take offense to this because I see this book as a very practical, caring, and passionate guide to raising boys. If read in its entirety, readers would see that Gurian SUPPORTS mothers, holds them in the highest esteem, and sincerely calls for increased respect and support for mothers from family and society.

Some reviewers have pointed out that he does little to promote the intact family. He does mention this to be the ideal case in most circumstances. But he is also saying that in the absence of this ideal situation, or in the absence of extended family being available, here is how to try to mitigate some of the inherent risks associated with those scenarios. Even if the ideal situation does exist, here are the components that should be present to help you raise your son.

I am a single mom of fraternal twin boys about to turn fourteen. For us, most of what Mr. Gurian is saying in this book rings very true so far. My sons have naturally gravitated toward the activities (i.e., constantly challenging themselves, striving to improve skills), a rich family life, (i.e., Gurian's second and third families, the "tribe"), and many male mentors suggested by Gurian. Currently, they are very, very successful despite the fact that I am a struggling single mom. They have many accomplishments, are well rounded, have great discipline, and have a very bright future ahead of them. This book has helped me navigate some territories unknown to me in raising my sons, and has validated other guiding methods I've used before reading the book. It has helped me correct some of my mistakes, think through some tough choices, and I will continue to refer to it. I think it's one of the best books, if not THE best book out there on raising boys!

30 of 34 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Gee, There Is a Difference Afterall !, October 1, 2000

By	Elmer Rich (Chicago, IL) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review is from: The Wonder of Boys (Paperback)

I am a Dad with a 11 yr. old daughter who is more towards the boy end of the physical-expressive scale. I picked up the book after hearing the author speak on the radio. I work in marketing and he is one of the best speakers I've heard. I have also noted (predominantly female) teachers school coming down hard on the 3rd and 4th grade boys for just normal boy stuff. They're not wrong, they just don't seem to understand the "language" the real sense of all the "disruptive" stuff boys can do. This book has helped me understand the different psychological and social paths to which males are predisposed because of the biology of our brains. Made me appreciate how difficult it is to make value judgements when a persons actions have a neurological basis. Helps me also understand the intense interest in first person shooter computer games (which I also like), group activities, loud rock music and playing in a band, skateboards and anything other than talking about emotions.

The sections on testosterone, masturbation and channeling energy is matter-of-fact and right on point. My friends, middle aged guys, not especially macho, have also liked the book for insight into ourselves. I've heard that the relationship with the opposite sex parent is the crucial one for establishing one's own gender identity. This book talks about this clearly. At bottom, I share with the author the interest in opening up boys expressive options and the appeal to see male behavior not as "bad", but just biologically different and adaptive. Women do not need to fear, condem or try to change (to be more like them) what boys do -- it'll help to understand it more. This book will help. I would have like to seen more technical research cited, and I skip over the stories -- but its not that kind of book. Sex on the Brain by Deborah Blum covers the research very well --she's also a good speaker -- and covers that territory.