What Mothers Do Especially When It Looks Like Nothing (Paperback)

~ (Author) "When I say that I am writing a book for mothers, I receive pitying looks..." (more)
Key Phrases: sleep training, Jane Lazarre, Susan Johnson, Kate Figes (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Stadlen presents a heartfelt and incisive examination of mothers' inner lives, revealing the vital worth of quiet (and not so quiet) time devoted to a baby. A psychotherapist specializing in parenting issues, founder of the London-based weekly discussion group Mothers Talking, and a La Leche League breastfeeding counselor, the author quotes a range of mothers throughout, exploring their feelings about their roles as nurturers and caregivers. She notes that though these women may often feel lonely, invisible and unimportant, "the whole of civilization depends on the work of mothers." Still, she writes, many women (and men) are unprepared for their responsibilities as parents; although they put much effort into readying for birth, many are anxious and confused as well as shocked and exhausted when it comes to actually raising a child. Stadlen gives credit to the women who slow their days to match their baby's pace, become continuously "interruptible" and offer constant and unconditional love. Though the narrative meanders at times, mothers will relate to the voices of the women, and take comfort in Stadlen's kudos.
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Review

The best book on parenting brilliantly insightful.' Guardian 'I wish I'd had this book years ago - to show to bosses who didn't understand, to friends who couldn't grasp why I was permanently tired, and even to myself - to know that I wasn't the only one who wished for an extra eight hours in the day.' Anne Diamond, television presenter, mother 'THE BEST PARENTING BOOK YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF' - Anne Karpf, The Guardian 'Naomi Stadlen writes with understanding, deep insight and humour. This is truly woman-to woman.' Sheila Kitzinger, childbirth educator, motherThe best book on parenting brilliantly insightful.' Guardian --This text refers to an alternate Paperback edition.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 336 pages
• Publisher: Tarcher (September 6, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1585425915
• ISBN-13: 978-1585425914
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.4 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #709,320 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

50 of 54 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Wisdom and Reassurance for New Mothers, October 5, 2004

By	M. W. Carrington (Washington, DC, USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review is from: What Mothers Do: Especially When It Looks Like Nothing (Paperback)

Twenty five years ago, as I tried to adapt to the reality of being a new mother, I asked more experienced mothers, "why are there no parenting books that speak to the subjective experience of the mother?" My own experience was one of feeling sandwiched between the seemingly insatiable demands of my first-born, on the one hand, and, on the other, the often rigidly prescriptive advice of published experts on "what's best for baby."

How different it all would have been had I been able to consult Naomi Stadlen's careful observations and wise reflections during those confusing, stressful days of early motherhood! I imagine that her emphasis on the infinite varieties of "good enough" mothering would have felt both absolving and empowering -- absolving in the sense that her book lends legitimacy to all manner of unsentimental responses to new motherhood (undercurrents of resentment and guilt, dislocations of identity, frustration, powerlessness, perplexity, humiliating inefficiency and obliterative fatigue) alongside the hours of joy and delight -- and empowering in the sense that even inconsequential-seeming new behaviors,
learned for the sake of one's child, are revealed to be of immense significance.

One example of this is the capacity to be interruptible, "on call," able to drop everything to tend to the baby's needs, and then somehow minutes or hours or days later, pick up all the threads one has dropped. This capacity, the author reminds us, is absolutely central to the health of the child's unfolding identity - and, in turn, to the well-being of the whole human family.

Naomi Stadlen not only gives voice to maternal subjectivity, she speaks on behalf of infants everywhere in emphasizing that "in general" instructions are of only tangential value compared to what one's own unique child asks for and needs and deserves.

In carefully recording the actual comments of new mothers about everyday challenges, Ms. Stadlen aims to convey what is, rather than what should be done or felt. She emphasizes that "each relationship is an original creation... no one has the recipe for perfection...[the] single blueprint for being a good mother."

What Mothers Do is psychogically astute and nuanced, but blessedly free of psycho-babble and professional jargon. Stadlen writes with clarity, grace and precision. At the same time, because of her extensive training and experience, the material is anchored in sound clinical theory and research. Those motivated to do so may use the excellent bibliography to go further with such topics as "the power of comfort," attachment theory, and the origins of "motherly love".

Deep thanks to Naomi Stadlen for her gift to all of us, mothers and babies both.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Awesome, validating resource for new mothers, February 17, 2007

By	Heather Wenger (Denver, CO USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review is from: What Mothers Do: Especially When It Looks Like Nothing (Paperback)

What a wonderful addition to the resources you can find as a new mother. Instead of being a "how to" book, though, ("how to breastfeed", "how to get your baby to sleep", "how to (you fill in the blank)"; it is a validation of your instinct as a new mother. This author strives to offer language to detail what it IS we do, especially when, as the title offers, we have no "visible" work to show (it looks like nothing). I will be buying this for every new mom I know, as it is invaluable.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars A good book, too long and too repetitive, January 10, 2008

By	H. M. Forgione (Boca Raton, FL) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

After the birth of my son, I did enjoy reading such a reaffirming book. However, my only complaint is that I think it could have been shorter and more to the point. As a new mom with little time, I really struggled to get through it because it was often very repetitive. I make a huge effort to read every night for 1 hr, and it still felt a bit tedious. I loaned it to a friend and she stopped halfway through for the same reasons. For someone with loads of time, I'd recommend it. For someone without, read something more productive and practical.