Win Your Child Custody War: Child Custody Help Source Book--A How-To System for People Serious About the Welfare of Their Child (12th Edition) (Paperback)

~ Charlotte Hardwick (Author) "Why must we make a choice between war and peace?..." (more)
Key Phrases: win your child custody war, payor parent, home study person, United States, Doe Corp, New York (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Review

10 star value for usable information. This is by far the most complete and well-written book on custody issues and the copy I have will be given to the local library as a reference book, because I think it is a must read for anyone going through a custody fight. Thankfully I am still married thirty-five plus years and have never had to deal with the issue, but have helped a number of men gain custody of their children. If there is one thing I do not like about the book, it would be the cover photograph where the little boy appears to be dressed as a small U S marine. Having family in the military and in a real life and death war, I think a photograph of a variety of children from different ethnic backgrounds would have made a better cover. 04/0 8/ 03 Top 50 Reviewer motherlodebeth, from Sierras of California. >>><<< I was doing ok (not great) during the day. Facing the [stuff] they threw at me was easier when mixed in with seeing my kids, my job and other responsibilities. Nights were long, painful and left me exhausted. If I was finally able get to sleep, I would wake in a few hours in a panic or with their latest assault eating at my guts. It would be different if I could see my kids sleeping safe in their beds. I never felt so helpless in my life. I am a good, no, a great dad. I love my kids. I shouldn't have to be a part-time dad. They need a full-time dad. I think this book is going to help me show the judge who I am and how much I can contribute to their lives. Found this book on Amazon at 4a.m. and felt better just having ordered it. It has helped so much that I can get to sleep. On the rare occasion that I do wake up worried, Win Your Child Custody War is my Midnight Companion and I can always find something to calm me by giving me a plan of action for the next day. Examples of what other guys faced and how they handled themselves are valuable. Seeing the results (good and bad) of the actions I would have taken has given me a real heads-up. I don't feel helpless any more. I think this is the next best thing to having a great lawyer in your pocket 24/7. Borrow, steal or buy a copy. --Patrick Devine, Carmillo, CA

10 star value for usable information. This is by far the most complete and well-written book on custody issues and the copy I have will be given to the local library as a reference book, because I think it is a must read for anyone going through a custody fight. Thankfully I am still married thirty-five plus years and have never had to deal with the issue, but have helped a number of men gain custody of their children. If there is one thing I do not like about the book, it would be the cover photograph where the little boy appears to be dressed as a small U S marine. Having family in the military and in a real life and death war, I think a photograph of a variety of children from different ethnic backgrounds would have made a better cover. 04/0 8/ 03 Top 50 Reviewer motherlodebeth, from Sierras of California. >>><<< I was doing ok (not great) during the day. Facing the [stuff] they threw at me was easier when mixed in with seeing my kids, my job and other responsibilities. Nights were long, painful and left me exhausted. If I was finally able get to sleep, I would wake in a few hours in a panic or with their latest assault eating at my guts. It would be different if I could see my kids sleeping safe in their beds. I never felt so helpless in my life. I am a good, no, a great dad. I love my kids. I shouldn't have to be a part-time dad. They need a full-time dad. I think this book is going to help me show the judge who I am and how much I can contribute to their lives. Found this book on Amazon at 4a.m. and felt better just having ordered it. It has helped so much that I can get to sleep. On the rare occasion that I do wake up worried, Win Your Child Custody War is my Midnight Companion and I can always find something to calm me by giving me a plan of action for the next day. Examples of what other guys faced and how they handled themselves are valuable. Seeing the results (good and bad) of the actions I would have taken has given me a real heads-up. I don't feel helpless any more. I think this is the next best thing to having a great lawyer in your pocket 24/7. Borrow, steal or buy a copy. --Patrick Devine, Carmillo, CA<br /><br />Choosing to give my ex-husband custody of our very young children was the most difficult decisions I have ever made. Later battles for visitation rights and custody have been the most painful events of my life. I have endured restraining orders based on lies, long distance visitation, and the psychological devastation of being separated from my children. My case went to the worst of extremes when my lawyer resigned, in order to testify on my behalf. Because of the injustice of the handling of the restraining order, my case was used as the example that changed a school's non-custodial parent pickup policy. Along the way, I made many of the mistakes common to parents in my situation and learned many lessons the hard way. I wish I had Win Your Child Custody War when I began those battles; the information, advice and warnings would have made the battle far easier. Win Your Child Custody War provides the legal details and information a parent needs before and after hiring a lawyer, detective, or even a psychologist. Win Your Child Custody War sets realistic expectations, includes straight talk with no mollycoddling, and lots of sound advice. Logs, affidavits, and home studies are covered with meticulous detail and with sound examples. As the author cautions, however, readers also need to follow the advice of their lawyer over the book. For example, in the extreme case of a parent who does not want to visit the child and would stop harassment if not required to pay child support, the author suggests: You could get counseling, legal assistance or return the money to the other parent, when you get it from the court each month. I know from personal experience that you may --Anne P. Mitchell, Esq., Founder/Director, Fathers Rights & Equality Exchange (F.R.E.E.), Mother

Choosing to give my ex-husband custody of our very young children was the most difficult decisions I have ever made. Later battles for visitation rights and custody have been the most painful events of my life. I have endured restraining orders based on lies, long distance visitation, and the psychological devastation of being separated from my children. My case went to the worst of extremes when my lawyer resigned, in order to testify on my behalf. Because of the injustice of the handling of the restraining order, my case was used as the example that changed a school's non-custodial parent pickup policy. Along the way, I made many of the mistakes common to parents in my situation and learned many lessons the hard way. I wish I had Win Your Child Custody War when I began those battles; the information, advice and warnings would have made the battle far easier. Win Your Child Custody War provides the legal details and information a parent needs before and after hiring a lawyer, detective, or even a psychologist. Win Your Child Custody War sets realistic expectations, includes straight talk with no mollycoddling, and lots of sound advice. Logs, affidavits, and home studies are covered with meticulous detail and with sound examples. As the author cautions, however, readers also need to follow the advice of their lawyer over the book. For example, in the extreme case of a parent who does not want to visit the child and would stop harassment if not required to pay child support, the author suggests: You could get counseling, legal assistance or return the money to the other parent, when you get it from the court each month. I know from personal experience that you may return the money in Arkansas. But, in Georgia, the money isn't yours, belonging to your children, you are required to accept the money, just as the non-custodial parent is required by law to pay. No exceptions. Encouragement and common sense are also included in the Win Your Child Custody War. Some battles are better walked away from, especially when the battle becomes a matter of winning and not necessarily in the child's best interest. Win Your Child Custody War forces readers to carefully examine their own motives, behaviors and attitudes. It also warns of the pitfalls, and provides tips for how to avoid them. As I turned the pages, revisiting my own battles, challenges and mistakes, I couldn't help thinking of the emotional pain this book could have saved me. Simple things like plan an activity for when you return the children to their custodial parent would have been useful advice from the beginning of my battle. In addition, Win Your Child Custody War is very sensitive to the issues non-custodial mothers face, especially considering the harsh judgment society places on women without custody. This is the most personal review I have ever written, but given the nature of the book, I feel compelled to offer personal confirmation of the value of Win Your Child Custody War. Surprisingly, I also found a lot of self-forgiveness as I read this book. As I revisited old wounds and previously second-guessed decisions, I found confirmation of my own good decision-making, giving the book a remarkably positive spin for this battle weary, but successful warrior. 5 stars Incredible resource Very highly recommended. --Top 50 Amazon Reviewer, [e-mail], Greenville, SC

Product Description

Win Your Child Custody War: Child Custody Help Source Book--A How-To System for People Serious About the Welfare of Their Child

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Product Details

• Paperback: 753 pages
• Publisher: Pale Horse Publishing; 12th edition (January 31, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1587471043
• ISBN-13: 978-1587471049
• Product Dimensions: 10.4 x 7.9 x 1.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 2.8 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (44 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #638,184 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

44 of 44 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A singular achievement and an amazing resource, January 24, 2003

By	Dennis Littrell (SoCal) - See all my reviews (TOP 50 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)    (COMMUNITY FORUM 04)

This review is from: Win Your Child Custody War: Child Custody Help Source Book (Paperback)

Charlotte Hardwick's use of the military metaphor throughout (including a photo of a child in a Marine Corps dress uniform on the cover) is in recognition of two salient facts about custody disputes: they can be psychologically as brutal as war; and the stakes can be extremely high. Yet, as Hardwick details and documents, negotiations are possible, and if the welfare of the child has the highest priority, both sides can win.

I would advise you, however, NOT to go into court without having first read this remarkable book. Over the course of 672 doubled-columned pages, Hardwick shares her personal experience and her painfully accumulated knowledge on just about every conceivable aspect of the child custody wars while guiding the reader toward a powerful strategy. If you don't have this book you are likely to be overmatched; indeed if your attorney doesn't have this book, he or she is likely to be overmatched. In fact, I would say that the first thing you should do after reading the book yourself, is buy a copy for your attorney and somehow persuade him or her to open the pages and to start reading--anywhere in the book. I promise you your attorney will learn facts, ideas, strategies new to him or her. The expanse and depth of the material presented here quite frankly amazed me. This extensive tome constitutes an entire course not only in child custody disputes but in human psychology, parenting, and the law itself. Some items:

There are 91 pages citing, summarizing, quoting from, and referencing relevant cases and decisions (Chapter 23).

There is a detailed guide on how to negotiate and what conflict resolution is all about (Chapter 4); a chapter on how to handle discovery and depositions (Chapter 17); another on judges, what to expect from them and how you might get a good one or avoid a bad one; there's guidance on what to expect in court and how to present yourself and your case; how to select an attorney; what your case is likely to cost and how to discover the assets of your adversaries, including (this floored me) hidden assets such as "Overpayments to the IRS" (from a list on page 435). You will learn about how much you can expect to pay or receive in child support, and again how to gauge assets, including hidden income such as "excessive deductions on paychecks" (p. 445)--a nice dodge which amounts to loaning Uncle Sam the money until tax time!

You will also:

--Discover how to handle psychologists and other "evaluators" and influence them to your advantage. For example beware of the "halo effect." (Have your side evaluated by the psychologist first to secure that effect.) (p. 235)

--Understand what psychological tests can be given and what they can mean in the dispute. Sometimes the judge makes the court-ordered decision of a professional binding, so that "you have in fact a new judge." (Chapter 12)

--Appreciate the role of other experts, what they can and cannot do to further your case, and how to evaluate and get a reliable expert who will make an effective witness.

--Learn the value of keeping a detailed log of everything pertaining to your case and its possible use as documentation. Hardwick presents this with some tips on how e-mail and computer files can come back to haunt you if you share the wrong information, even anonymously or through the assumption of an Internet moniker.

--Become knowledgeable about lie detectors and their use and misuse (pp. 137-138) and the reach of DNA testing.

--Know which problems or accusations are issues and which are non-issues in the eyes of the law. For example, child endangerment is an issue; a "blended" family is not. Physical abuse is an issue; false accusations may or may not be. (pp. 26-29)

--Be introduced to the infamous Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) in which one parent tries to alienate the child from the other parent through lies and distortions. (p. 190) PAS includes "The Grand Lie" in which one side falsely accuses the other of child sexual abuse, a charge that is hard to become completely free of, regardless of the truth of the accusation. (p. 282)

Hardwick even includes some humor with eleven ways on how to know "You've Been in Court Too Long" on page 97 (from Dean Hughson). If this isn't enough there is a presentation of ingrained psychological strategies that you might use or encounter such as the famous "Tit for Tat" from game theory or the sneaky "Tranquilizer" who lulls you to inattention and then takes advantage. (p. 59)

There is a Glossary of Terms and a detailed Index as well as a lot information on resources throughout including Internet sites on page 103. There's even a chapter on lies and how to correct them (should you be the liar!).

The mass of information and the sharp, sound guidance contained herein really amount to a post graduate course in child custody disputes. Even so I was almost as much impressed with Hardwick's assertive, no-nonsense writing style and organization that managed to painlessly inform while emphasizing a positive approach. Her philosophy is perhaps best expressed in this quote from page 472:

"In truth, if custody is solely decided on what is best for the children, there can be no loser."

30 of 31 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An incredible resource -- Very highly recommended, December 31, 2001

By	C. Penn "WordWeaving" (Greenville, SC) - See all my reviews (TOP 500 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

This review is from: Win Your Child Custody War: Child Custody Help Source Book (Paperback)

Choosing to give my ex-husband custody of our very young children was one of the most difficult decisions I have ever made. Later battles for visitation rights and custody have been the most painful events of my life. I have endured restraining orders based on lies, long distance visitation, and the psychological devastation of being separated from my children. My case went to the worst of extremes when my lawyer resigned my case in order to testify on my behalf in court. Because of the injustice of the handling of the restraining order, my case was used as the example that changed a school's non-custodial parent pickup policy. Along the way, I made many of the mistakes common to parents in my situation and learned many lessons the hard way. I wish I had WIN YOUR CHILD CUSTODY WAR when I began those battles; the information, advice and warnings would have made the battle far easier.

WIN YOUR CHILD CUSTODY WAR provides the legal details and information an informed parent needs before and after hiring a lawyer, detective, or even a psychologist. WIN YOUR CHILD CUSTODY WAR sets realistic expectations, includes straight talk with no mollycoddling, and lots of sound advice. Logs, affidavits, and home studies are covered with meticulous detail and with sound examples. As the author cautions, however, readers also need to follow the advice of their lawyer over the book. For example, in the extreme case of a parent who does not want to visit the child and would stop harassment if not required to pay child support, the author suggests: "You could get counseling, legal assistance or return the money the court sends you each month from the other parent." I know from personal experience that you could return the parent's money in the state of AR. In the state of GA, the money isn't yours, it belongs to your children, and you are required by law to accept the money, just as the non-custodial parent is required by law to pay. No exceptions.

Encouragement and common sense are also included in the WIN YOUR CHILD CUSTODY WAR. Some battles are better walked away from, especially when the battle becomes a matter of winning and not necessarily in the child's best interest. WIN YOUR CHILD CUSTODY WAR forces readers to carefully examine their own motives, behaviors and attitudes. It also warns of the pitfalls many parents fall into, and provides tips for how to avoid them. As I turned the pages, revisiting my own battles, challenges and mistakes, I couldn't help thinking of the emotional pain this book could have saved me. Simple things like plan an activity for when you return the children to their custodial parent would have been useful advice from the beginning of my battle. In addition, WIN YOUR CHILD CUSTODY WAR is very sensitive to the issues non-custodial mothers face, especially considering the harsh judgment society places on women without custody.

This is the most personal review I have ever written, but given the nature of the book, I feel compelled to offer personal confirmation of the value of WIN YOUR CHILD CUSTODY WAR. Surprisingly, I also found a lot of self-forgiveness as I read this book. As I revisited old wounds and previously second-guessed decisions, I found confirmation of my own good decision-making, giving the book a remarkably positive spin for this battle weary, but successful warrior. Very highly recommended.

24 of 24 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Best custody book on the market, period, September 16, 2003

By	Mike Rogers "Mike R." (Seattle, WA USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Win Your Child Custody War: Child Custody Help Source Book (Paperback)

The "Win Your Child Custody War" book is the best, most comprehensive book on the market. I'm a reviewer for SPARC, a divorce and custody web site (www.deltabravo.net) and we recommend the "Win Your Child Custody War" book before all the others. There's no secret to why we recommend this book so strongly- it's just the best guide to custody issues available anywhere at any price.

The breadth and depth of the information is astounding, well-written, and logically arranged. This book is worth 10 times the cover price, and I don't say that lightly.

There is nothing like the "Win Your Child Custody War" book; nothing even comes close. This is, in our opinion, *<b>the</b>* book to have. You'd have to buy about 20 other books just to start to equal the information contained in this one.

(And just in case you're wondering, we have no connection to Pale Horse Publishing, we just think their books stand head-and-shoulders above the rest.)