Raising a Son: Parents and the Making of a Healthy Man (Paperback)

by Don Elium (Author), Jeanne Elium (Author) "There is room for debate about how far our economy and technology will take us..." (more)
Key Phrases: feeling box, inner guidance system, positive intent, New York, San Francisco, Robert Bly (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly
In this wide-ranging volume, the Eliums (he is a marriage, family and child counselor; she leads support groups) explore both sides of the nature vs. nurture argument. They believe that the male sex hormone testosterone is the root of both male development and behavior. They also emphasize the need boys have for a strong male role model. Some of their discussions may strike readers as too New Age or vague to be of use, but still, there is solid information here. What the authors do best is to illustrate how both mothers and fathers need to set limits for their sons and enforce those limits when necessary. They do this by citing examples and case studies, which will stir recognition in many families. The authors remind parents that they, too, will have to undergo some self-examination and changes of attitude in dealing with their sons. A handy index of publications, networks, and organizations that can help parents is appended. The Eliums' book may not be the final say-so in child-rearing, but it's an interesting signpost along the way.
Copyright 1992 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal
While much has been written about raising children in general, the authors, both family counselors, focus specifically on the challenge of raising sons. They trace the history of pretechnological societies where rites of passage turned boys into men, noting that no such rites exist today in our society. Indeed, by puberty many boys have no father to look up to. The Eliums single out testosterone as the powerful driving force behind the actions of boys and men. Like Robert Bly's Iron John ( LJ 11/15/90), this book explores a new masculine identity, but from the standpoint of the parents' role. Included is a guide to the psyche of sons from birth to maturity. It is recommended for collections serving parents, teachers, counselors, and big brothers.
- Linda Beck, Indian Valley P.L., Telford, Pa.
Copyright 1992 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 344 pages
• Publisher: Celestial Arts; 3 edition (November 1, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1587611945
• ISBN-13: 978-1587611940
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.5 out of 5 stars See all reviews (16 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #266,532 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

47 of 49 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Helps to keep things in perspective, March 8, 2001

By	J. Creamer (Perpignan France) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review is from: Raising A Son: Parents and the Making of a Healthy Man (Paperback)

I bought this book a few years ago when my first son was on the way, but never got around to reading it until now when he's five with a little brother padding around behind him. It's only now that 'my eldest' is expressing his independence in more sophisticated ways that have my wife and I wondering whether we've got this parenting thing working all right. What I found most helpful in this book is the structure and perspective it provides for raising a son at various stages of his development. One of the hardest things I've found as a parent is deciding just how much to expect from a child. Is my son being clever and manipulative or is he being sincere when he offers up his alibis and excuses? How strict should we be without undermining his self-confidence? In this area, 'Raising a Son' helps by reviewing the major phases in a boy's psychological and physical growth and offering counsel on how parents can help the boy face the challenges of growing up. The book also provides some interesting insight into how our own (parents') childhood carries into our parenting of children. All in all, these sections of the book are concise and rewarding.

The book runs through a section on 'cultural influences', which, if you read behind the over-simplification (and some statements that, for me at least, sounded a bit too much like liberal social mantras), makes some valid points. I disagree that previous societies (hunter-gatherer, agricultural, etc.) were generally better for raising a son in than ours. Nonetheless, in our technological age, we do have to come to grips with changing roles, aspirations, and expectations among men and women and with massive competition for our children's attention from all sorts of media. In dealing with this dilemma, 'Raising a Son' again provides some perspective for gradually strengthening a son's ability to deal with this world (which naturally helps him deal with us when he hits his teens).

One particular note for single parents, divorced couples, or couples with 'problem children', since this book is written by family counselors, it does a very nice job of covering our modern variations on the family. This isn't just a 'how Ozzie and Harriett did it' kind of book. It covers a lot of real world challenges with numerous quotes from single moms, dads, divorcees and other who love their children, but face especially difficult circumstances.

So I recommend 'Raising a Son' as a good introduction and as a book you can turn to as your son grows older. For more detailed information, 'Raising a Son' also provides a helpful bibliography of other sources of information.

30 of 32 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars very positive and full of wisdom, September 30, 1999

By	Kenneth Young "kyds" (chatham, ny USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review is from: Raising A Son: Parents and the Making of a Healthy Man (Paperback)

Taking on a son. It sounds like a battle ground and in fact it is, rather it tends to be. That particular energy that courses through both boys and men has become a social nightmare and maleness is being swept under societies carpet. This energy is frequently erupting into actions of destruction on our streets, in our homes, and in our school yards. We need desperately to give our sons guidence. This book shows a way to raise a boy who will be strong willed, competant, and wholesome. Reading this book shows me why masculinity is misunderstood and the watse of this valuable legacy that is occuring. This remarkable book has shown me the value of my sons, their energy, and rugged beauty. This book can show us all how to accept ourselves, our brothers, husbands, lovers, and most importantly our children. There is nothing cute about the book. It is direct and deals with body, mind, and spirit and i urge you to read it. Now I suppose I shall have to read the other book these guys wrote about raising a daughter. I tell you this parenting stuff never ends. And then there's more!

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Very helpful, January 12, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Raising A Son: Parents and the Making of a Healthy Man (Paperback)

This book really helped me learn how some of the things I don't understand about men are biochemical in nature. Testosterone is a very powerful drug. As our sons mature, some of the behaviors that they exhibit are directly attributed to these hormones. The authors describe the physical and emotional processes boys go through to become men and identify with their gender. I found it most illuminating. They also give lots of information on how to get your son to harness his energies in a productive manner and how to help him do so if he does not already.