Choosing to Cheat: Who Wins When Family and Work Collide? (Hardcover)

~ (Author) "BILL ENTERED THE WORK FORCE WITH ALL THE SUBTLETY of a meteor entering the earth's atmosphere..." (more)
Key Phrases: Heavenly Father

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

Work. Family. Church. Hobbies. Fitness. Housekeeping. Socializing. Sleep. With only 24 hours in each day, we simply can't fit everything in. And what we choose to cheat is a clear announcement of our values. When you come home an hour earlier, miss a round of golf, or let the dishes sit while you play with your child, you make your family feel valued and secure. Bestselling author Andy Stanley helps you restore your vision of what really matters - and guides you in making courageous decisions about your time.

About the Author

Andy Stanley is a graduate of Dallas Theological Seminary and the founding pastor of North Point Community Church in Atlanta , Georgia , with a youthful congregation of more than 12,000. For the past 12 years of his ministry, he has consistently mentored a young group of future leaders and Christian pastors. He has also hosted conferences for leaders under 40 and spoken at Catalyst Conferences. Andy is the author of Visioneering, the bestseller Like a Rock, and his most recent book, The Next Generation Leader. Andy and his wife, Sandra, have two sons, Andrew and Garrett, and a daughter, Allison.

Product Details

• Hardcover: 144 pages
• Publisher: Multnomah Books (December 10, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1590523296
• ISBN-13: 978-1590523292
• Product Dimensions: 7.1 x 5 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #44,780 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

15 of 17 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Must Read - Simple and Profound, October 18, 2002

By	Darryl Dash "DashHouse" (Toronto, ON Canada) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review is from: Choosing to Cheat : Who Wins When Family and Work Collide? (Hardcover)

I first heard Andy teach on this subject over a year ago. It's a life-changing and necessary book, and I don't know any family that couldn't benefit from its message.

"Choosing to Cheat" is built on the premise that everyone cheats somewhere - there aren't enough hours for everything. Tragically, it's easier to cheat our families than than to cheat at work. Andy not only tells us why we should cheat at work; he also tells us how. Ironically, cheating at work can make us more productive.

I needed to read this message again, because it's always easy to return to old habits. Highly recommended.

12 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Great idea, but I'm wary of the applications..., November 1, 2007

By	Chad Oberholtzer (Boalsburg, PA, USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Andy Stanley has chosen a rather provocative title for this book in which he challenges folks to choose to cheat their employers rather than their families when it comes to priorities and time. I'm hard-pressed to disagree with this general principle, and I think that he offers a compelling case against the workaholism that has plagued generations of American families. And as one can always expect from Stanley, his writing is engaging and easy to read, so this one can be tackled in one or two sittings.

My apprehension about this book stems from its misapplication that I've already observed in some of my peers. As a 29-year-old, I'll be quite frank in declaring that the potential plague of my generation is not workaholism but sloth. I see a generation of my peers who were raised in a world of entertainment and pleasure, who get into the working world and try to find ways to be uncommitted, lazy, irresponsible employees so they can spend their time and money buying and playing with their toys. Within that context, I've seen young singles use the "Choosing to Cheat" concept to avoid hard work, cheat their employers, and invest their energies in self-gratification. This obviously misses Stanley's whole point, but I've seen it happen.

My critique is not so much about the book, then, but about the intended audience. For the 40+ generation who maybe struggles more with the dangers of workaholism, I think this book could be perfect. It's certainly a challenging and interesting book to read. But I won't be sending this to my twenty-something friends, who instead need a book that challenges us to work hard in whatever we do as a means to glorify God.

10 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Good secular advice, bad Biblical advice, January 3, 2008

By	Matthew Gunia (Justice, Illinois) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Andy Stanley is the senior pastor at North Point Community Church in suburban Atlanta. From his years of shepherding God's people in Atlanta and from his own life, he realizes that workaholism is a serious and growing problem among many American men (and not a few women as well). The effects of workaholism that Stanley primarily concerns himself with is its effect on the family. Loneliness, tears, strained relationships, the rebellion of children, arguments, and divorce are just some of the negative impacts excessive working can have on a family. In "Choosing to Cheat," Stanley shows the reader the dangers of keeping constantly excessive work hours, then provides encouragement and advice for changing this habit.

In the first part of this book, Stanley's focus is on diagnosing the problem. His main arguments are that a) every person is limited to 24 hours in a day and must daily choose how to invest that time b) many men, out of a sense of obligation and attracted by the admiration of co-workers, choose to invest an excessive amount of their time working, c) all those vying for a person's attention directly correlate the amount of time spent with them to the amount he cares about them (e.g. if I spend a lot of time with my dog, it shows that my dog is very important to me; if I spend just a little time with my child, it shows my child is comparatively unimportant), d) because a man's family deeply desires his acceptance, they are willing to put up with great stress so that he can pursue work, and e) there will come a point in time when the individual members of the family can no longer take the stress of an absent father and will simply give up on him; while this shift occurs suddenly, it is preceded by many warning signs. The tone of this section is emotional as Stanley attempts to shock the reader into WANTING to change.

The second part of this book provides advice and encouragement for cutting down on the hours at work and spending more time with the family. Using the Biblical account of Daniel as a model, Stanley advises the reader to 1) figure out what concrete things are non-negotiable and devise a new work schedule to honor those non-negotiable points, 2) calmly ask your employer if your job could accommodate these points, 3) prepare yourself to endure potential consequences of this request, 4) be prepared for God to be active in the midst of this change.

The book contains an appendix of discussion questions based on each chapter.

Stanley certainly provides sound secular advice. He correctly analyzes and presents a societal/cultural problem. He is further correct in his urging men and women to allow their primary (yet not sole) loyalty be to their family. He states truth when he points out that there exist thousands of people who can do your job better than you, but there is nobody who can take your place in your family. Stanley understands the positive benefits the family will enjoy if the family members are each dedicated to one another, and he gives sound advice for approaching your employer about changing your schedule. If he would have stuck with these points, his book would have been much better.

But Stanley goes too far. A major premise of Stanley's book is that God promises to bless a person who re-prioritizes his life in such a way that family takes precedence over work. Nowhere does God make such a promise. Although Stanley relies heavily upon the account of Daniel, but the Bible's account of Daniel is DESCRIPTIVE, not PRESCRIPTIVE. In truth, Stanley buys into the popular (on television at least) "health, wealth, and prosperity gospel." That is to say, Stanley argues that if a person aligns his life to conform with God's will, he will enjoy earthly blessings. To be more specific to this book, Stanley argues that if you give up wealth and career advancement for the sake of your family, God will bless you with MORE wealth and a BETTER career than that which was given up. There is no Biblical support for this--in Scripture or in "Choosing to Cheat." Aside from that, even assuming that his (false) premise is true, why would he want to focus on the "fringe benefits" of Christian living as opposed to the ultimate reward for faith? The true reward God gives us for the gift of faith, is forgiveness of sins, life, and salvation; a promotion at work pales in comparison.

In short, Stanley presents good a good paradigm for aligning values (e.g. family above career) and assists the reader in lining up his life with those values. This book is especially helpful for those caught in workaholism and is primarily geared toward men. However, the underlying premise, that God will materially bless you for realigning your priorities is not necessarily true; He may or He may not. Neither recommended nor not recommended.