The Way of the Superior Man (Paperback)

~ (Author) "It's never going to be over, so stop waiting for the good stuff..." (more)
Key Phrases: masculine sexual essence, feminine sexual essence, feminine radiance, Feminine Essence (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Any woman who gives this book to the man in her life will soon thank herself for it." -- Yogi Times magazine, March 2006

An astonishingly practical guidebook to living a masculine life of integrity, authenticity, and freedom. -- The Midwest Book Review - Reviewer's Choice

Just reading The Way of the Superior Man may make you a better man, perhaps even a superior one. -- Watkins Review

[David Deida's] insights about male/female interaction can't help but stimulate a more active understanding of this complicated dynamic. -- NAPRA ReView

Product Description

What is your true purpose in life? What do women really want? What makes a good lover? If you're a man reading this, you've undoubtedly asked yourself these questions-but you may not have had much luck answering them. Until now. In The Way of the Superior Man, David Deida explores the most important issues in men's lives-from career and family to women and intimacy to love and spirituality-to offer a practical guidebook for living a masculine life of integrity, authenticity, and freedom. Join this bestselling author and internationally renowned expert on sexual spirituality for straightforward advice, empowering skills, body practices, and more to help you realize a life of fulfillment, immediately and without compromise. "It is time to evolve beyond the macho jerk ideal, all spine and no heart," writes David Deida. "It is also time to evolve beyond the sensitive and caring wimp ideal, all heart and no spine." The Way of the Superior Man presents the ultimate challenge-and reward-for today's man: to discover the "unity of heart and spine" through the full expression of consciousness and love in the infinite openness of the present moment. Book jacket.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 207 pages
• Publisher: Sounds True, Incorporated (March 1, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1591792576
• ISBN-13: 978-1591792574
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (139 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #1,459 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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  #4 in	Books > Nonfiction > Social Sciences > Gender Studies > Men
  #6 in	Books > Health, Mind & Body > Self-Help > Spiritual
  #14 in	Books > Health, Mind & Body > Relationships > Love & Romance

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

157 of 172 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Not About Men and Women..., July 28, 2006

By	Enamorato (Rockville, MD United States) - See all my reviews

Being the "superior" man that I am, many of my friends have recommended David Deida to me. They told me I'd like him, and that he and I were on the same page. I finally got around to reading "The Way of the Superior Man" because I was curious about the pretense of the title. I am ever skeptical of any book that aims to divide men and women into opposing and exclusive categories by mere virtue of plumbing. I was happily surprised to find that the title itself is misleading. This is not a book about men and women, nor is it about "masculinity" or "femininity." This is about the workings of attraction.

Deida's thesis lies in the concept of polarity - in short "opposites attract." This is something that has been expounded upon in Taoist and Zen Buddhist philosophy - the concept of the yin and yang - two opposing forces, both necessary for the balance of the physical world, sociologically in the political and social sense, and spiritually within oneself. For Deida, in order for balance in sexual matters, there must be both masculinity and femininity. "Feminine" attributes are a desire for love, desire to nurture, along with a sexual attraction to dominance. "Masculine" attributes are desire to live "on the edge" and to accomplish a "mission" for freedom, along with a sexual attraction to submission. It must be noted here that Deida's distinctions between masculinity and femininity are more arbitrary than logical. He asserts that 90% of the population falls into either the masculine or feminine category, with the remaining 10% more balanced between the two, who couldn't care less about sexual polarity (and whom, unfortunately, Deida equates with "androgyny" - a potentially insulting and inaccurate connotation). For those 90% though, in order to sustain a truly satisfying sexual relationship, one partner must embody the "masculine", and the other must embody the "feminine."

This actually is not as offensive as it may seem at first glance. I was surprised to find that I, a straight man, actually fall into the more feminine sexual category. Although he works off the supposition that most men are in the "masculine" category and that most women are in the "feminine" category, this is far from being about gender. Deida is astute in that he recognizes that "masculine" and "feminine" do not necessarily correspond to physical gender. He notes "[in a homosexual relationship] it doesn't matter if both partners are men or both partners are women. It doesn't matter if, in a heterosexual relationship the man plays the feminine pole or the woman plays the masculine pole. It doesn't matter if you change every day who plays the masculine pole and who plays the feminine pole." In fact, we would do best to relinquish labels - "feminine"/"masculine" might as well be called "Type Y"/"Type X" or even yin/yang.

It's interesting to see the (mis)readings of Deida both supporting him and villifying him in past reviews. One reviewer calls this a work for the "uncastrated" man... actually, from the looks of it, many of the men who have enjoyed Deida's work are actually men who somehow feel "spiritually castrated" and want to find their balls within the covers of this book. The second niche Deida seems to have capitalized on are sexually frustrated women. Freud would have a field day with these people. Regarding the reviewer who stated that Deida called sensitive men "wimps" - there are statements here and there which suggest this. Deida, at times, is guilty of pandering to insecurity - he attests time and again throughout the text that his version of masculinity is not macho posturing, but unfortunately also needs to counteract this by asserting that it isn't a "new age wimp" or an "androgynous Mr. Nice Guy" either. I feel such poor phrasing undermines Deida's argument, although it may serve to put those guys who are insecure in their masculinity more at ease.

My other major reservation is the aforementioned randomness of it all. Deida never really gives any rationalization for defining masculinity or femininity in the way he has; it's all quite subjective. Although, his definitions resonate with many people, it is still pretty much a crapshoot: you will either accept his definitions or you won't; you will either fit his definitions or you won't. Most likely, you will be able to find some of the criteria fits and some doesn't. I've since heard Deida speak, and found him refreshingly down-to-earth - he doesn't take himself or these concepts all that seriously (even admitting that he believes very little of what he says). Readers would do best to take out of his writing what speaks to them, and not necessarily taking it as dogma.

EDIT - August 18, 2009: From time to time, I will revise one of my earlier reviews with updated recommendations, and it's about time I take a fresh look at this one. Since reading "The Way of the Superior Man" I have found another book that explores the role of sexuality and eroticism in the larger personality and life. It is psychologist Jack Morin's The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment. Unlike Deida, Morin culls his insights from a vast body of research and published sources. It makes Deida's work look downright crude in comparison. Morin doesn't waste time dealing with hazy definitions of masculinity or femininity, but present a much more comprehensive conception of erotic and personal identity that is completely individual, and at the same time, part of a shared human experience. Most readers will probably get infinitely more out of Morin's book, regardless of what they are looking for.

78 of 87 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Relief and Acceptance for Men As They Are, December 27, 2004

By	Stacy A. Clark (Boulder, Colorado) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

"Way of the Superior Man" is my first recommendation to every male student who comes to me for guidance in spiritual relationships. Men are relieved to find that their feelings are normal and natural. The book helps men to find and reclaim their power in relationships in a compassionate and honoring way. My students come back telling me that this is the best book they've read in a long time.

The chapters are short enough to read in the bathroom if you aren't inclined to read very much. Deida doesn't pull any punches. He is direct, masculine and to-the-point in his caring presentation of his material.

Chapters on "Stop Hoping for Your Woman to Get Easier" and "Her Complaint Is Content-Free" certainly give information that I find brilliant and true as a woman. Men tell me that they have solved a large percentage of their relationship problems by following Deida's ideas and guidelines.

See the hardback edition for the "Look Inside This Book" The Table of Contents is fabulous.

Stacy Clark, MA
Boulder, Colorado

18 of 18 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A book for every man to read, and for their women to read too, November 29, 2007

By	Mama on the Go (Sugar Land, TX USA) - See all my reviews

I first saw this book on my husband's bookshelf before we were married, and I borrowed and read it. My thoughts at the time: Wow, if this man really believes and lives the principles in this book, he is the one for me! Four years of married bliss and two children later, I still think this. David Deida's basic premise: there is a "Way of the Superior Man" that both includes and transcends the "tough" concept of masculinity of our ancestors, and the "sensitive man" concept of more recent years, that frees a man to be both powerful and purposeful, and also feeling and spiritually alive. This has profound effects in all areas of a man's life from work to sex to relationships with women. I can attest to the value of this premise from my husband's success in his career, our marriage/sexual relationship, and as a father and a spiritual being. Being a superior man is not necessarily an easy path, but hugely rewarding. I highly recommend this book to women as well as Deida's books "Dear Lover" and "It's a Guy Thing" to better understand healthy masculine/feminine dynamics and deepen their relationships with men.

For those who feel an author must be "credentialed" (MD or PhD or whatever) to offer this type of advice, or who are looking for hard data research to back up the claims he makes, this book may disappoint. I would just encourage such readers to suspend judgement long enough to give the book a read, take what they find to ring true and useful and leave the rest. There is a lot of value here, and I have found it to be "proven" in my own experience with men and as a woman.