Boys of Few Words: Raising Our Sons to Communicate and Connect (Paperback)

by Adam J. Cox PhD (Author) "Five-year-old Jeremy is a small, busy boy with dark hair and a mischievous expression..." (more)
Key Phrases: communication divide, auditory processing skills, angry communication, Chuck Canfield, George Bartlett, Harry Potter (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Booklist
Drawing on clinical work conducted over a decade with boys between the ages of four and late adolescence, Cox probes the reasons for and consequences of boys' relative difficulty in communicating their feelings. The first section focuses on the "psychological realities of boyhood," how boys typically communicate and develop socially and emotionally. The physiology of boys' brains and their verbal and social learning skills make them more vulnerable to learning disorders, including ADHD and autism. Part 2 examines the social pressures that discourage self-expression among boys as they rely on anger and aggression to express themselves, and the contrasts with girls' relatively easier social development and communication skills. In the final section, Cox offers principles for developing child-centered families and for fostering boys' self-awareness and communication skills. He provides guidance for determining when uncommunicative boys need professional help. Throughout the book, portraits of boys of all ages and backgrounds provide human dimension to parents' search to get beyond the silence and behavior that sometimes hinder communication with boys. Vanessa Bush
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

Review

"Dr. Cox's book is important, insightful, and timely. His ideas about helping boys of all ages will be useful to parents, to teachers, and indeed to all of us who have a stake in boys' emotional health--which is, in fact, everyone."--Mary Pipher, PhD, author of Reviving Ophelia

"Thanks to Dr. Cox's help, my grandson now has a smile on his face: he's learned to advocate for himself and command respect. In this book, you too can discover the tools to nurture and guide 'boys of few words' into articulate, healthy, and happy young men."--Hedy Perkin-Geist, grandmother of a 9-year-old

"We now know that boyhood is a lot more complex than 'snips and snails and puppy dog tails.' In this groundbreaking book, Dr. Cox explains the importance of language in boys' development and their future success and happiness, and provides useful, field-tested strategies for improving and enhancing crucial language capabilities. This compelling, readable, and insightful book will contribute immeasurably to your understanding of the boys in your life. I recommend it highly to parents, teachers, and coaches."--Richard D. Lavoie, author of It’s So Much Work to Be Your Friend

"Dr. Cox is onto something important, and his suggestions for helping boys develop critical communication skills are both readable and practical. Parents and teachers will be grateful for this information--and in due time, so will the boys."--Jane M. Healy, PhD, author of Your Child's Growing Mind

"This book is a wonderful source of practical wisdom on how to bring out the best in boys for whom communication does not flow easily, help them to be happier people, and lead them to fulfill their potential. There is no better book offering humane, clinically informed, valuable advice in this essential area."--Simon Baron-Cohen, PhD, Professor of Developmental Psychopathology and Director, Autism Research Centre, Cambridge University,UK; author of The Essential Difference: The Truth about the Male and Female Brain

"Adam Cox provides parents of boys with important tools to raise sons with the social communication skills critical for both personal and professional success today. Filled with excellent teaching strategies, this important book will empower parents to raise sons with social competence, in addition to the academic and athletic competence on which parents of boys have traditionally put so much emphasis."--Kathryn Pengilly MA,CCC,SLP, speech-language pathologist and mother of three boys

"It was such a relief to learn there are reasons why my son behaves the way he does--and that the challenges he faces can be overcome. No one has all the answers, but Boys of Few Words answered a lot of my questions."--Jayne Febbraro, mother of an 11-year old

"Dr. Cox not only explains why boys struggle with communication, but gives parents numerous practical ideas on how to help them live up to their full potential. Most importantly, this book recognizes that all boys are different, and gives not just one but many approaches to help us be better parents. Boys of Few Words will be a reference for us until our son reaches adulthood."--Clark and Barbara Finnical, parents of an 8-year-old

"Peppered with punchy anecdotes, exclamation points, and savvy quotes from parents and children, Cox's book froths with a friendliness that many parents will find reassuring. He tosses in metaphors that help parents better comprehend their children's behavior and offers shrewd parenting advice....Numerous checklists, questionnaires, and actual sample phrases to use will prove particularly constructive for parents wondering where to begin. Whether for the parent or practitioner, Boys of a Few Words is a valuable and timely resource toward understanding and teaching children and adolescents how to communicate and connect meaningfully, rather than wondering, frustrated, what their wall of silence is 'made of.'"--Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry "A thoughtful book ....Cox's detailed real-life examples, suggested interventions for specific situations, and ten principles to help parents focus will help parents mold their sons into skilled communicators. As a result, the boys will be better able to cope with conflict, express themselves, manage stress, and sustain long-lasting relationships. Less how-to and more self-help, this work offers much to contemplate." -- Library Journal

"Very informative and very practical....An immensely helpful volume for anyone parenting boys. Parents with infant and preschool sons will benefit from his solid suggestions for building language and emotional intelligence in young boys. Boys of Few Words will remain on parents' shelves from their son's first words through his college graduation."--Natural Birth and Baby Care.com "Many inventive, effective techniques encouraging boys to speak meaningfully with their parents are described....Parents will appreciate the empathy Cox shows them when he suggests concrete, enjoyable tactics likely to work with uncommunicative boys."--APA PsycCRITIQUES

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Product Details

• Paperback: 337 pages
• Publisher: The Guilford Press; 1 edition (December 23, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1593852088
• ISBN-13: 978-1593852085
• Product Dimensions: 8.8 x 5.9 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #258,578 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Great book for parents/those caring for boys, especially w/ LD/ADHD, April 23, 2006

By	Cindy Cats "Cindy Cats" (Rochester, NY) - See all my reviews

I highly recommend this book for all parents or caregivers of boys, but especially if you have a boy with learning or attention problems (ADHD). This book not only gives very practical, realistic advice about how to understand your son if he is shy or withdrawn, but also provides great insight into why he may be reluctant to talk and how to bring him out. For many kids with learning disabilities and ADHD, the academic aspect gets focussed on but there can also be social problems at school and in the family. This book addresses both school and family issues, but we found the psychological insights to be extremely helpful in understanding why a fifth-grade boy would be having more trouble in school at this age, and also why he would talk about hobbies and technical things but couldn't tell us why he was getting upset. This book has also helped us understand an older teenager--and know when to step in and when it was fine to give him more space. When communication improves, behavior and respect tend to improve also. We've read some other "self-help" books but this was the first one that seemed to cover all our areas of concern. It's not filled with technical language but it was a "smarter" book than most we've read. Dr. Cox obviously knows about boys and understands what the day to day reality of most families is like. Despite the title, which might imply it's only for "quiet boys," it should be required reading for every parent of boys! We wish we had read this book sooner.

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Very Useful and Interesting Book on Boys' Psychology, May 12, 2007

By	2am reader mom (Pennsylvania) - See all my reviews

Hooray! A smart, energetic, and insightful parenting book. (I've read too many that rely on obvious little snippets such as: "if baby is crying, try comforting him.") This book was more interesting than I expected, and not only discusses important issues but then comes through on the critical part: what to do. The author makes a strong argument for the necessity of developing social and emotional intelligence in our sons, so that they can succeed in contemporary society. According to the author, in past generations, the strong stoic type of man may have been able to remain married and find a job grounded in physical labor, but modern relationships and economies demand a higher level of interpersonal awareness and communication skills. Boys who aren't helped to develop these skills--in ways that do not diminish their sense of masculinity and accomplishment--could be risking social and academic failure. Boys of all ages are discussed, but are divided into three main groups: shy and anxious boys, angry boys, and those who have developmental problems that make communication and relating more difficult. Because the author includes information about all kinds of situations, you might want to use your book as a reference and read the chapters that relate to your own child as it is clearly organized. I read all parts as I found it fascinating and helpful for understanding my son's friends and classmates. There's a particularly good section on dealing with school issues as well.

Reading this book is like taking a course with a great teacher who makes a subject come alive. Many case studies illustrate the author's points, and while there is a lot of depth to the ideas discussed, it's a very personable, approachable read. If you want a new perspective on why your son acts and reacts as he does, as well as practical ways to handle more challenging "boy" moments, read this and be inspired. As Cox says in the epilogue, "raising emotionally healthy boys is not a task for the timid or weak of spirit--it is a job for visionaries, parents who can see the men their sons will become. Parenting our children requires all the energy we can summon. It requires us to keep our wits, look with insight, and forgive ourselves when we make mistakes. It is both a job and a passion. And nothing we will ever do will be as important." Highly recommended.

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars My Son, March 23, 2006

By	Mum of 4 kids (Ireland) - See all my reviews

My son age 7 years has difficulty recognising emotions.As a preschooler he was treated for a Specific Language Impairment(comprehension difficulties/language processing difficulties).His speech and language is now age appropriate.I asked the Speech Therapist for ideas to help his emotional understanding.She said I would have to ask the "Autism Professionals" even though my son does not have Autism!
I felt frustrated and misunderstood until I discovered this book. The author knows exactly where my son is coming from.At last I have found validation and help.This book is very readable.You can dip into it as it has an index or else read it chapter by chapter.The author also has an informative web-site.I would highly recommend this book.I only wish that the Professionals involved with my son knew what Dr Adam Cox(author) knows and understands!