Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends, 3rd Edition (Rebuilding Books; For Divorce and Beyond) (Paperback)

by Bruce Fisher (Author), Robert Alberti (Author), Virginia M. Satir (Foreword)

Editorial Reviews

Review
"...a handbook for the divorcing and divorced that is authentic and which they can employ in the rebuilding of their own lives." -- Esther Oshiver Fisher, J.D., Journal of Divorce

"...deals with the everyday feelings and problems of the divorcing and divorced... hits just the right balance between seriousness and optimism." -- Florence Kaslow, Ph.D., Journal of Marital and Family Therapy

"I found the book comforting, helpful and realistic -- it is going to hurt, and it will not be easy, but you can do it." -- Marilyn Anita Dalrymple, Affaire de Coeur

"If you're putting your life back together after a divorce, you need this book! It could be just what you're looking for to help you get your life back on track. I found it to be very interesting and informative." -- Jeanette Wright, Borger News-Herald, Borger, Texas

"One of the best books written for the divorcing person... warm, engaging." -- the Behavior Therapist

Product Description
This revised, updated third edition of the international bestseller is built on more than two decades of research and practice, incorporating feedback and life experiences of hundreds of thousands of divorced men and women who have read and used REBUILDING. This book has spawned thousands of divorce recovery groups in the U.S.A., Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Mexico, Finland and elsewhere. Fisher's thorough understanding and presentation of the nineteen-stage divorce recovery process is remarkable. Clearly the most widely used approach to divorce recovery, Fisher's rebuilding model has made the divorce process less traumatic, even healthier, for his readers. They often comment, "He seems to know exactly what I'm feeling!" This new edition, revised and updated with the assistance of psychologist and marriage and family therapist Dr. Robert Alberti, continues Bruce's tradition of straight-to-the-heart response to the needs of those who are divorcing or divorced.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 320 pages
• Publisher: Impact Publishers; 2nd edition (January 1, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 188623017X
• ISBN-13: 978-1886230170
• Product Dimensions: 8.8 x 6.1 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars See all reviews (89 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #67,520 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

157 of 158 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This book is your best friend through the hurt, March 2, 2000

By	Inga W. Holmquist (Washington State, USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

A friend lent me this book when my husband left me and I was in the depths of dispair. I was reading anything I could find to try and help me understand, but this is the one book that really helped. I latched onto it like a life-preserver to a drowning person. I have read each chapter several times now, and keep getting more out of it as I progress in my healing. I returned my friend's copy and bought my own (which I have now in turn lent to a friend in need.)

One of the revelations I found comforting was simply to know what the physical symptoms of grief are - that my sore throat, my aching chest and my dry mouth were all manifestations of my emotional trauma.

This book felt like I was talking to a friend who had been there and back, and could take me by the hand through the healing process and help me find my way back to joy. Please read it if you are hurting from the loss of a relationship - it will comfort you a great deal and help you move forward constructively. Then lend it to someone you know who could be helped by it.

127 of 132 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends, February 23, 2000

By	Marilyn Dalrymple "MaLing" (Lancaster, CA United States) - See all my reviews

In its third printing, this book is a self-help manual for those trying to recover from a divorce, or going through the process of divorce. The first thing I noticed about Rebuilding is the feelings that surface during this trying and stressful period of your life are identified. When we are really suffering, it is hard sometimes, to analyze what we are feeling. Is it pain? Depression? Self-hate? All of the above? It is comforting to read that you learn we are not alone in our pain and confusion and that given the circumstances, the turmoil you are experiencing is quite normal. As each emotion is explored, the reasons for them are also examined. An example from another who has suffered the same misery is given, then the best part--what we can do with and about those upsetting, hurtful and sometimes hateful feelings that want to pull us under and drown us. For example, Chapter 7 looks at the two, " . . . very strong feelings which accompany the trauma of divorce--guilt and rejection. Advice given is to do a self-examination. Do we need to learn new ways of relating to people? Do we realize that feeling rejected is a part of ending any relationship? It's normal. It's natural. There is nothing wrong with us. Whew! If you are the one leaving the relationship, you are probably feeling guilt. You don't want to hurt someone you do or did love. However, say Fisher and Alberti, "To end a love relationship may be appropriate because it has been destructive for both people." Leaving can be a good thing for both people in the relationship. The chapter continues to describe the emotional cycles the "dumpers" (the one ending the relationship) and the "Dumpee" (the one being rejected) go through. Fisher and Alberti acknowledge not everyone is going to react the same, but no one escapes the pain. No matter how we are affected, though, we must remember guilt and rejection are tied to feelings of self- worth and self-love. Build up these two areas and we will be less devastated by life's inevitable rejections. And how do we go about building our self-worth. Chapter 11 tells us how to go about that. The end of each chapter has a "How Are You Doing?" section. A list of questions will help us think our way through our dilemmas and offer ideas with which we can rebuild our lives. I like this book because it forces us to do something besides sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves. There are ways to work through relationships that end, and we have the power and the tools to do it. We don't have to feel helpless. I like this book because it acknowledges we are not alone with our feelings. There is light at the end of the tunnel. We can go on to live a normal, happy life. It gives us hope. Bruce Fisher, Ed.D., (1931-1998) was the founder and director of the Family Relations Learning Center in Boulder, Colorado. He was a divorce therapist, author, teacher and a clinical member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Robert E. Alberti, Ph.D., is a psychologist marriage & family therapist, Fellow of the American Psychological Association, clinical member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and author/coauthor of several books. A 287-page volume that demands us to do some work, but it is well worth the effort.

50 of 53 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends, August 20, 2000

By	Affaire de Coeur (Oakland, CA USA) - See all my reviews

This book is a self-help manual for those trying to recover from a divorce, or going through the process of divorce. "Rebuilding" is the feelings that surface during this trying and stressful period of your life are identified. It is comforting to read that we are not alone in our pain and confusion and that given the circumstances, the turmoil you are experiencing is quite normal. As each emotion is explored, the reasons for them are also examined. An example from another who has suffered the same misery is given, then the best part--what we can do with and about those upsetting, hurtful and sometimes hateful feelings that want to pull us under and drown us. The chapter continues to describe the emotional cycles the "dumpers" (the one ending the relationship) and the "Dumpee" (the one being rejected) go through. Fisher and Alberti acknowledge not everyone is going to react the same, but no one escapes the pain. No matter how we are affected, though, we must remember guilt and rejection are tied to feelings of self-worth and self-love. Build up these two areas, and we will be less devastated by life's inevitable rejections. The end of each chapter has a "How Are You Doing?" section. A list of questions will help us think our way through our dilemmas and offer ideas with which we can rebuild our lives. I like this book because it forces us to do something besides sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves. There are ways to work through relationships that end, and we have the power and the tools to do it. We don't have to feel helpless. I like this book because it acknowledges we are not alone with our feelings. There is light at the end of the tunnel. We can go on to live a normal, happy life. It gives us hope.