Most Helpful Customer Reviews
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461 of 465 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Disorganized? Depressed? Read this., July 15, 2001
This book should be mandatory reading for any woman who is woefully disorganized. I was always the kid with the messy locker, messy desk, messy bedroom, who eventually evolved into the adult with the messy office and messy house, constantly losing pens and jewelry and keys and phone numbers and important papers, frequently depressed. Getting out the door was a major struggle -- I had to find my keys, find my purse, go b ack to turn off the stove & iron. Then I'd get to where I was going without my list, end up in the checkout line with my purse, but for some reason, it didn't contain my wallet, charge cards or any money (other than the three wadded up singles, change from yesterday's lunch). (The wallet would end up under my bed or sitting on the kitchen table or somewhere.) I'd show up at the gym without my sneakers; I once showed up for a beach vacation without the sunscreen and aloe vera I had purchased the day before just for the trip. I was (and probably still am) the poster child for disorganization, I felt defective for this, ashamed to have people at my home because of the mess. This isn't laziness or simple space-cadetness, it is CLASSIC ADD BEHAVIOR. Recognizing this is extremely useful in figuring out how to deal with all the fallout of the disorganization. I've also suffered from some debilitating depression over the years, and I've attributed my disorganization to my depression. ("I'm too depressed to wash the dishes.") After reading this (and a few other books), I think it's the other way around. My disorganization and complete inability to sort things out, attributable to ADD, has led to depression. When my doctor first suggested ADD (in response to my concerns with depression), I was surprised. After all, I'm not a hyperactive twelve-year-old boy who can't seem to do well in school despite ability and intelligence. Rather, I was able to whiz through school, collecting good grades at every step along the way. That's not uncommon with women with ADD -- they can actually thrive in structured environments. It's difficult for them to excel in a wholly unstructured environment. Most are great at creative, strategic thinking. If an activity is highly stimulating, they will hyperfocus and do quite well (although perhaps spending more time than is appropriate for the task). If something is seemingly mundane or ministerial, it just doesn't get done. In other words, ADD incorporates not only an inability to focus, but a tendency to hyperfocus on occasion. If your life is all fumbling in your oversized purse for keys or a pen, trying to find the little yellow sticky note with someone's phone number, paying your bills and taxes late because you can't find your checkbook, an envelope, a stamp, READ THIS BOOK. Unfortunately, physicians typically overlook the possibility of ADD in women (they don't get to see the stacks and stacks of papers in our homes & offices) -- and therefore, we're left thinking we're disorganized failures. This book gives you plenty of suggestions for exploring diagnosis, and/or treatment, and for conquering, or at least making the most of, disorganization. (PS -- If this helps, I highly recommend Sandra Felton's books for "Messies" -- (search for "Messies" -- there are several choices; I like Messie Motivator.) Although she doesn't use the term "ADD," she focuses as much on the psychological & self-esteem issues of messiness as on dealing with the disorganization.)
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262 of 263 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
"Women with ADD" : separating "women" and "disorder"., July 24, 1997
By A Customer
As a clinical social worker who also happens to be a woman with ADD, this book was not only a practical help to me, but a personal support as well. Of particular poignancy and importance is Ms. Solden's advice that we "embrace our disorganization" rather than feel repelled and ashamed of it. She talks glowingly of attending a conference where the attendees were primarily adult ADD folks, and the comraderie and closeness she felt with all these people who were trying to find lost keys, fumbling for pencils, or interrupting one another, but doing so in an atmostphere of acceptance.
The most significant focus within Ms.Solden's book is that the hiding (of ADD symptoms and habits) needn't continue. You can come out of your ADD closet and find a place for yourself amongst the "normal" folks in the world. Accurate diagnosis is essential, and then appropriate treatment, whether it be via medication, supportive psychotherapy or "coaching", whereby a family member, friend or therapist helps you stay on track.
Looking at ADD with compassion and humor is something many women who are "in hiding" with the disorder may find difficult to do. But, when the hiding is over, so is the shame. This book offers hope to those who may not have believed it to be possible, yet it also avoids being saccharine or preachy. A very balanced view of a disorder that, for many of us, causes us to feel un-balanced.
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175 of 179 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
women with attention deficit disorder, December 9, 1999
Funny thing with this book. I did not know anything about it, did not even know that adults could have ADD. I was at the library, and as I was reaching for another book "Women with Attention deficit..." literally fell into my hand. I renewed this book over ten times. I am placing an order to give as Christmas gifts. At the risk of sounding dramatic I must be truthful and say that this book saved my life. I am one of these misdiagnosed women. My therapist was adamant that I do not have ADD. I was hurt by this because I thought he would help me develop what I was learning. I continued applying the lessons without his help. Sari Solden, where have you been all my crazy, disorganized life? I am so grateful for what I learned. Since reading this, I have raised my standards. No more bottom barrel jobs for this woman here. I interview like a pro, I know my gifts now, I can go on and on. I will never go back to what I was, (I do not know how I lived this way for so long) The best thing this wonderful brilliant professional did for me is to help me get over my shame about my so called secret. I love myself. I am a single mother, and my kids do not recognize me now. I am a wonderful, creative, assertive, organized, efficient, smart, beautiful, superduper black sister now! Thanks Ms.Solden. I just want you to know that I pray for you and ask God to continue blessing you for your bringing this much needed hope and empowerment to ADD women.
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