Most Helpful Customer Reviews
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Living Life after the Loss of a Child, June 10, 2007
The loss of a child isn't a taboo topic, but it's certainly one that we as parents really do not enjoy talking about. After my aunt lost her 20 year old daughter, I was forced to face the topic head-on. Because of this, I've learned to look at my son in a new light. Every mundane moment turns into a Kodak moment. Every smile, every milestone, every laugh and even every cry is something I want to treasure. The thought of losing him is gut-wrenching. You think it won't happen to you, but as I've seen first hand, no parent is safer than the next because death has no age requirement.
Charlotte Mathes lost her son and as she describes in And a Sword Shall Pierce Your Heart, parents tend to reach out to every source possible to find others who have experienced the same loss. Mathes' book is an excellent resource, helping to fill the need of reading and learning about other parents and their losses, and to learn if there is any truth behind the assumption that over time, the pain from the loss of a child subsides and if it really does it gets easier to live each day without that child. The book is written from the perspective of a certified Jungian analyst whose personal knowledge of a mother's grief adds the necessary ingredient of honesty for those coping with the loss of a child.
As Mathes explains early in her book, C.G. Jung was a Swiss psychologist who theorized that mankind shares innate psychological patterns. These patterns, coined as Archetypes, repeat over cultural divides, both symbolically and literally. The Archetypes aid in the explanation of the process that takes place after the loss of the child. Not just the process of moving forward in life, but also the process of grief. Mathes' connection between these Archetypes and the people and feelings involved after a great loss provide a foundation for understanding the feelings and emotions involved. For example, Mathes explains when a child dies, the foundation of our beliefs can crack and crumble. As parents we expect to die before our children and when this seemingly structured part of life is broken, it is almost impossible to grasp on to something solid. Everything that was assumed about the common structures of life has then been turned around. The theory of Archetypes and the continuity, natural existence and flow of these patterns gives a grieving mother something to reach out and hold on to when the flood of emotions begin to become overwhelming.
And a Sword Shall Pierce Your Heart is broken down between different types of deaths, from sickness and long-term illnesses, to sudden and unexpected deaths. Each type of loss is connected to Archetypes and is then tied to examples of the various Archetypes throughout history and over many different cultures. Through personal accounts from other grieving parents and Archetype examples, Mathes provides the needed and sought after knowledge to a grieving parent. A parent's grief and mourning process is entirely their own, and rightfully so. However, they are not alone, as other belong to this exclusive "club" of those who've lost children. Others have walked the grieving path before them, and in a very familiar way.
The second part of And a Sword Shall Pierce Your Heart covers aids to help a mourning parent continue to move forward in life. Many of a grieving parent's needs are included in this portion of the book. While still using the identification of Archetypes, Mathes offers the reader a choice of activities and processes that can be used to heal and reflect. From journaling and creative writing to prayer and transformation, Mathes' aids cover the outer shell and inner layers of a grieving parent's embodiment. Another great addition to the book is an extremely useful appendix with references to various forms of historical accounts, movies and music that may also lend aid in the mourning process.
When searching for help after the death of a child, And a Sword Shall Pierce Your Heart makes an excellent choice for grieving parents. Additionally, it is also a practical resource for someone who is affected by another person's tragic loss. In my own personal experiences, it has been difficult to know what to say or what not to say to another parent grieving over the loss of their child. It may be impossible to identify with such a great loss when you haven't experienced the same kind of loss. By reading And a Sword Shall Pierce Your Heart, a better understand of the mourning process can be made for those who are not mourning the loss of their own child but want to be able to communicate with and help others who have. From the Archetypes to the actual mourning process and its aids, this book undeniably connects the Jungian theories to the mourning process and turns the darkness of a tragic loss into a pathway to brighter days.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
The most helpful book when I lost my son, October 1, 2008
A kind person put this book in my hands when I suffered the sudden, traumatic loss of my 21-year-old son last year. It is written by a psychological professional who has experienced the loss of a child. It is by far the most comforting book of the dozens I have read since the death of my son. The author includes stories of many kinds of child loss, and offers insights into the grieving, mourning, and growth which follow. I am active in grief support work and have recommended the book to many.
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2 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
A Letter of Appreciation to Author Charlotte Mathes, May 11, 2007
My dear Charlotte,
Your book is so thorough, so intelligently written, so thoroughly researched (yet so profoundly personal), and so valuable in so many ways, that as I struggle to tell you what I think of it, I scarcely know where to begin!
I must confess that it was not a quick read for me, which I hope will serve to explain what's taken me so long to get back to you. (As I began reading your book, I found the content is so important that I felt compelled to read and digest every word, so speed reading or skimming it was simply out of the question for me. So relevant were your observations and suggestions that I ended up with a dozen pages of notes -- I kept finding certain passages that I wanted to share with so many of my clients!)
Frankly, I wish every bereaved mother would take the time to sit and read your book. Your explanation of the Jungian concept of Archetypes and how some of them define the themes and phases of mourning is both brilliant and, I believe, understandable to the average reader. Your discussion of the different patterns of grief within a family and how we need to cope with them is important and helpful, and your examination of the different causes of child death and the challenges resulting for mothers, fathers and siblings is one of the most thorough I've ever read.
While I found Part One of your book absolutely fascinating, I especially appreciated Part Two, in which you offer so many practical suggestions for coping with conflicting emotions ("cleansing shadow elements"), along with specific, often very creative, ideas to foster healing and transformation.
Your emphasis on so many different ways for mothers to foster continuing bonds with their deceased children is particularly helpful, and certainly in keeping with the post-modern understanding of bereavement intervention that allows for continuing a relationship with the person who died rather than relinquishing those ties. Throughout your book, I am most impressed by your deep appreciation for and careful attention to the spiritual, soul-based nature of the grief journey.
You are an extraordinarily gifted writer, Charlotte, and this is indeed "a very important document that should be taken into the world and shown to the people." I'm glad this Magna Carta was entrusted to you, and I wish you every success in bringing all the comfort, freedom, and feminine wisdom it contains to other grieving mothers.
I am deeply grateful for the opportunity to review your book, and I assure you that I will do everything in my power to let my own clients, colleagues and visitors to my Grief Healing Web site and online Grief Healing Discussion Groups site know about it.
With warmest regards,
Marty Tousley, APRN, BC, FT
Bereavement Counselor
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