Final Conversations: Helping the Living and the Dying Talk to Each Other (Hardcover)

~ (Author), Julie M. Yingling (Author)
Key Phrases: everyday messages, Betty Lynn, Uncle Matthew, Final Conversations

Editorial Reviews

Review

Addresses a sensitive subject in a professional and deeply human way [and] exudes integrity -- Moshe Landsman, PsycCRITIQUES, American Psychological Association

Contrary to what you might think, this book is not sad or mundane but rather uplifting and insightful. -- Sonia von Matt Stoddard, Awareness Magazine

Good, straightforward advice is balanced well with the touching experiences shared by the contributors...The directness is refreshing. -- Library Journal

Will particularly help aging baby boomers whose parents are nearing the end of their lives...easing the transition for both. -- Alan Caruba, BookViews

Product Description

No matter what your age, reflecting on your last interactions with a dying loved one can have life-long consequences for you. This book weaves direct quotations from real people's memories of final conversations, with advice and themes that will help you determine what may work for you.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 256 pages
• Publisher: Vanderwyk & Burnham; 1 edition (March 25, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1889242306
• ISBN-13: 978-1889242309
• Product Dimensions: 8.8 x 6.2 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #502,982 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars How to talk to the dying, April 28, 2007

By	Reader Views "www.readerviews.com" (Austin, Texas) - See all my reviews

Reviewed by Tyler R. Tichelaar for Reader Views (4/07)

"Final Conversations" by Keeley and Yingling is a long overdue book in the field of grief and death literature. Most books about death deal with grief or the death process; this book helps the grief process before death occurs so that interaction with the dying is a meaningful experience that leaves no regrets for the living.

Keeley and Yingling interviewed eighty-two people about their experiences with the dying and how they talked to their loved ones before the end. "Final Conversations" is primarily advice about how to talk to a dying loved one in a way that brings comfort to both the dying and the living. This conversation is referred to as "F-C talk" or final conversations talk. The book enlarges "conversation" to mean communication, be it verbal or by touching and body language. Different examples are proposed regarding how to say "I love you" or how to express love, if the words are difficult to say, by non-verbal communication, such as taking care of business for the dying, touching, and just spending time.

The book is broken into several chapters on different conditions that mark "F-C talk," most notably how people deal with a death based on age--whether the person having the conversation with the dying is a child of a dying parent or grandparent, a teenager, someone middle-aged, or an elderly spouse. One of the most interesting sections was on spiritual messages--signs that the dying may be partially in communication with the life beyond, or signs after they died that they had come back to give a message or in some way comfort those left behind. The authors do not go in-depth into this area, but the examples reaffirm life-after-death in ways similar to many books on out-of-body experiences and reincarnation. An extremely useful part of the book was the section on healing broken relationships. Many examples were given of siblings or parents and children who heal a difficult relationship, or how the living can feel at peace even if the dying is unable or unwilling to have a healing final conversation.

My only criticism of the book is that no dying people were actually interviewed about their experiences with final conversations. The book is more for the living to cope with the process of losing a loved one. The authors stated they did not interview any of the dying who had had final conversations because they did not wish to add to the stress of dying for those people. However, I would have liked to hear from the dying what they most wanted and needed from people as they were dying. While I understand the difficulties of interviewing the dying, I think a chapter of interviews with the dying would enrich the book; the authors could perhaps interview the terminally ill who had "F-C talk" but then survived.

"Final Conversations" is a much needed book that is long overdue. It will be extremely helpful to anyone facing the loss of a loved one, or people who have lost someone and are grieving, or questioning themselves about what they did or should have done for a lost loved one. While it is a how-to book in some ways, the authors point out that their examples are not strict guidelines for how to talk to the dying, and that every relationship is different. The authors give good guidelines, but the real strength of the book is the stories of those who lost loved ones--reading "Final Conversations" is almost like being part of a grief support group. Both Kelley and Yingling should be commended for this important work.

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A much needed book on death, dying, and healing, June 16, 2007

By	Joyce Plansky - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This book is a treasure chest of stories and recollections of those who have participated in final conversations with loved ones. Those stories and recollections are told in the actual voices and words of those recounting their final conversations. And that's what makes this book so compelling. It is packed full of wisdom, insights, and inspiration from people who have experienced this final conversation. Those who have been there share the rewards, blessings, and impact on their own lives that these final conversations have had.

The authors have divided the book into several themes that emerged out of their interviews with people who have had a final conversation. Those themes include messages such as saying good bye, saying I love you, talking about everyday things and reminiscing, sharing spiritual messages, using non verbal communication to communicate, and healing damaged relationships. It shows that you can approach the final conversations in a variety of ways and address a variety of needs. And it clearly shows that any of these methods may be effective and rewarding for both the person in the final stages of his or her life and for the person left behind.

Most people, when asked, report that they want an opportunity to talk with a loved one at least one more time. This book helps you gain the insight, courage, confidence, and skill to have a rewarding final conversation---one that leaves you with no regrets, that mends old hurts caused by a difficult relationship, and/or that makes certain that you maintain and nurture the relationship until the very end.

Each story may not exactly fit your situation, but by picking and choosing, you will be able find ideas and tools to make the best of the final opportunity to say "I love you" and "goodbye" to loved ones in the final stages of their lives.

The authors, both communication scholars and experts, provide advice on how to be most effective during your final conversations. They give those readers less confident in their communication skills ideas on how to approach their own situation.

Yes, I have more confidence in approaching the final days of someone I love, but I also experienced an unexpected benefit---one perhaps not expected by the authors. That benefit is the realization that life is a gift---one that end all too soon, and this book provided me with inspiration and ideas that will help me use my final days to advantage. That is, I have a better notion of how to say goodbye to family and friends in a way that will let us celebrate our time together and express the love we have had. And that is a gift these authors have given me---one that I will always cherish.

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars FC Talk, May 10, 2007

By	Victoria M. Flores - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

After reading this several times now, each time I learn something different about myself and my conversations with those I've lost and loved. Unfortunately, I've recently experienced a death in my family and this book came in very handy. It's true, there weren't many if any books I encountered that helped me through the final days. It's uncanny how the two authors capture the voice of every individual they interviewed and brought every memory shared back to life. It's remarkable and a book I recommend to everyone. I know everyone's experiences are different, but all can benefit from this. Although your experience may be different, there are so many similarities people can identify with. Take comfort in knowing that not just the authors, but those interviewed have walked down the path you may walk down one day and know that those who went before you are there to help guide you through this book.