I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One (Paperback)

by Pamela D. Blair Ph.D. (Author) "I believe no matter how much pain we're in, there is something inside of us stronger than the pain..." (more)
Key Phrases: many grievers, New York, The Compassionate Friends, Western Psychological Services (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Review
"A well written book about a very difficult subject. This book will be extremely useful for those going through these difficult times." -- Bradley Evans, MD,Cardiologist, Providence, Portland

"As one who deals with unexpected death, I am so pleased to find a truly valuable reference for those souls who are blindsided by such misery...The book is thoughtful, thorough and intensely meaningful. Up until now, Rabbi Kushner's reference WHY BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE has been my mainstay in such circumstances; I will add this book to my recommended list." -- E. Charles Douville, MD, Cardiothoracic Surgeon, Providence Portland

"I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye is a book that is easily related to by anyone struggling to cope with the sudden death of a loved one. I highly recommend this book, not only to the bereaved, but to friends and counselors as well. If you want to experience what the pain of grief is like, to better understand what the bereaved are going through, read this book." -- Helen Fitzgerald, author of The Greiving Child, The Mourning Handbook and The Grieving Teen

"The authors have captured a means of discussing, exploring, elucidating a very painful life passage in real life, down to earth language and experience. Many thanks to Pam and Brook for...the generosity in sharing their discoveries to further our healing." -- Charlotte A. Tomaino, PhD, Neuropsychologist

"This book, by women who have done their homework on grief, offers a companion for others still recuperating. Further, it introduces us to so many others, both famous and ordinary, who can hold a hand and comfort a soul through grief's wilderness. Outstanding reference of where to seek other help." -- George C. Kandle, Pastoral Psychologist

Product Description
Each year about eight million Americans suffer the death of a close family member. The list of high visibility disasters, human suffering and sudden loss is long and will continue to grow. From TWA Flight 800 to Egypt Air, from Oklahoma City to Columbine, daily we face incomprehensible loss. Outside the publicized tragedies there are many families and individuals that are suffering behind closed doors in our neighborhoods, in our own homes, in hospital waiting rooms. Now for those who face the challenges of sudden death, there is a hand to hold. Both authors lost a loved one tragically. Noel's brother was stung by a bee and died instantly at age 27. Blair's husband died of a brain aneurysm. As they struggled to rebuild they found little printed material. I Wasn't Ready to Say Good-bye is the first book to devote all its pages to the unique challenges of sudden loss, written by two women who have walked the path. They cover such difficult topics as the first few we! eks, suicide, death of a child, when a body isn't found, children and grief, funerals and rituals, physical effects, homicide, depression and many others.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 304 pages
• Publisher: Sourcebooks, Inc.; 1 edition (May 1, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1891400274
• ISBN-13: 978-1891400278
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 5.9 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars See all reviews (79 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #132,233 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

292 of 298 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars EXCELLENT, well researched, helpful and comforting, November 7, 2000

By	Bernadette A. Moyer (Lutherville, MD USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This is an excellent book on death, grief and loss. Sooner or later death will touch everyone's life. We may not all react the same but most will experience the stages of loss and grief from denial to acceptance. It can be a long often agonizing and lonely road to recovery. Sadly the impact of loss and death can leave many with a loss of their own will to live.

This book does an excellent job of addressing a topic that most people choose not to address until they are directly confronted. I am an author of a children's book on death/loss/grief titled "ANGEL STACEY" and I personally know the impact on the loss of a spouse and raising young children who have lost a parent. This book is for the adult who struggles with their own feelings of loss and often has other family members to consider and to console.

Grief has a tendency to creep up in the odd hours of the day and the night and can be overwhelming to those experiencing loss. To have a title, a book that you can reach out and grab at any hour offers comfort. I wish this title had been available sooner as it often was a book that comforted and calmed me most during my own deep dark hours of despair.

Written from knowledge and from a place of understanding and guidance is sure to make this book a winner and a timeless treasure for anyone who has known a deep loss. It cannot take the pain and hurt away but it will help in the knowlege that those feelings are normal. Also that others have experienced the same and made it back to a seemingly normal existence. Death changes lives and changes people forever, many will grow and change for the better. I was never so humble and in essence never so pure and so good as I was immediately following the loss of my first husband and later the loss of my oldest daughter. It was only later with the anger and ultimately acceptance that I found myself once again on level ground. Death or loss can uproot your entire existence. This book is excellent and necessary.

94 of 96 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Nonsectarian Advice for Grieving from Unexpected Deaths, August 23, 2004

By	Professor Donald Mitchell "Jesus Makes Me a P... (Boston) - See all my reviews (TOP 10 REVIEWER)

I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye is the best non-religious book I have read on grieving from an unexpected death.

The authors have direct experience with the subject and share their own deep traumas in considerable detail that added to the relevance of the book.

They also sought out the stories of people who had experiences with unexpected death that were different from their own so that you would have specific examples that come closer to your own situation.

In my case, my Father was 87 when he unexpectedly passed away last September. We all thought that he was good for 100, but he died quietly in his sleep that night. Since then, we've all been in one stage of shell shock or another. I can hardly imagine how much worse it is when the person is younger . . . or is a child or sibling. My heart aches for anyone who has had those experiences.

I found the book to be "right on" in describing the issues that my family and I have dealt with. I wish I had known about the book before my Dad died. It would have helped even more then.

The book helps in many different ways. First, you get advice on the help you need immediately after the death. Second, you learn about the various ways that you may be affected. Third, you find out how long the effects may last. Mourning in these situations takes much longer than I realized. Fourth, you find out how to help others grieve. Fifth, you find many old beliefs questioned that don't seem to be true. Sixth, you get help with dealing over the long term. In part two, there are stories that relate to different types of sudden losses: a friend, a parent, a child, a partner, and a sibling. The third part deals with practical resources for recovering including self-help, therapy, exercises, organizations and support choices (including books). The appendix includes suggestions for a memorial service, a eulogy, calls that need to be made and things to ask friends to do.

In one helpful section of the book, an overwhelmed person can just hand the pages to a friend and point. The friend can take over from there.

Even if you don't think you will ever face an unexpected death that is close to you, I suggest you read this book. There's no way to know. When it happens, be sure that you know what to do when you aren't ready to say goodbye to a loved one.

I drew a lot of my comfort during the experience from my religious beliefs. If you haven't yet developed that side of your life, I strongly urge you to do so.

May God bless you!

56 of 56 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This book helped me survive, February 4, 2002

By	"nativelittlebird" (Tucson, AZ) - See all my reviews

When I first came across this book, I was hurting so very badly. Mike, my very dearest friend and the man I was in love with had been killed in an accident. I didn't have a chance to say goodbye to him. I hurt so bad that I walked in a blind maze. I really didn't want to live on. What I remember the most about this book...wasn't just the story of the loss that was encountered by the authors but their wisdom in helping others see ways to go on with their lifes and not be full of such engulfing sadness. I will always be grateful that this book found me and helped reach such a deeply hurting area in my life. Even though I had worked as a hospice nurse and also survived so many personal deaths of wonderful people who knew me outside of my nursing; I had the hardest time releasing this part of my life and finding ways to go on without a true closure of someone I will always love so dearly. I highly, highly recommend it to all who are faced with a "sudden" death....especially if the death seems to be insurmountable to your living on.