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18 of 21 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
This would be the soundtrack in Hell, if it wasn't so funny!, February 7, 2005
About a year ago seeing this on sale for 50 cents, I just could not resist. Listening to "Shaw Diesel" you'll notice many problems in general, but there's one basic problem with Shaq's rapping. It's not like he can't carry a decent flow, and his voice ain't that bad either. It's his unexplainable use of corny, cheesy and flat out ridiculous lyrics. Although it's the best athlete/rapper album I've herd (not including the unreleased Allen Iverson album), it's still really bad...
"(I Know I Got) Skills"... it's actually got a pretty good beat, like a g-funk style. Def Jeff even comes across well. Probably the best tracks actually. (Note: that's a relative statement) Favorite Shaq line: "(yeah, but what about rhymin?) I can hold my own/ knick-knack shaq-attack, give a dog a bone/rhymin is like hoopin', I'm already a legend/back in the days in the food stamp section/used to kick rhymes like baby, baby, baby/every once, every twice, three times a lady" and of course "booty rappers, stay booty.... Ah ha ha ha ha.. psyche!"
"Outstanding" not a bad beat, some pretty nice samples by... Holy crap Eric Sermon! THE Eric Sermon of EPMD, how the hell did he get mixed up in this. Actually a solid track, certainly not outstanding, but Shaq stays away from the ultra cheesy raps and settles for merely shameful. Favorite Shaq line: "Cause there's some things that I gotta' do: /Tape up the ankle, pump up my Shaq-shoe"
"Where Ya At?" how did the Tribe sink to this level?!? Horrid beat by Ali Shaheed. Phife's skills are even lowered down to Shaq's level (`pissing and a farting" why Phife? What did Jive Records buy out your soul from Satan?). The chorus is beyond annoying, the tag-team rhyming between the two is faintly reminiscent of two dogs barking. Favorite Shaq line "I got mad styles you better sit and watch/I can kick it like ahee-heee then I'll grab my crotch." (Did he actually imitate a high pitched Michael Jackson scream??? ... priceless)
"I Hate to Brag" this beat is awful, this song is horrible every line is him bragging... but it's got some of the best lines! Favorite Shaq line: "I can flow like pee, coming out you know what/Or some ookey diarrhea coming out yo butt" (read that again, yes that is typed verbatim... you just can't make this stuff up). 2nd Favorite Shaq line: "Watch out the funky hooper/I uh er-heh er-heh, sorry I made a pooper."
"Let Me In, Let Me In" oh my... sweet Moses Malone my ears are literally bleeding. Eric Sermon what the $*#@!!!! Favorite Shaq line: the chorus goes "(Shaquille, let me in let me in)/ Not by the hairs on my chiny chin chin" (plus we have an unprecedented second Michael Jackson scream on this one).
"Shoot Pass Slam" Good news! Eric decides to sample "Tarzan" here! Short of listing the entire song, I just can't put down the number of hilarious lines. Favorite Shaq lines: "I leave a bad taste in your mouth, like boogers in coffee" (??!!?!?!); "Ally ally ally ally bama/go tell your pops and your momma/ that Shaq is the man, period comma"; "I'm a rookie, Clint Eastwood, Martin Sheen/ AHHHH, leave me alone I'm turning green!" (After listening to this song and being able to actually recite the lyrics on the first listen I defiantly questioned my existence).
"Boom!" Shaq has brainwashed me so bad at this point that the sounds of the Fu-Schnickens was so refreshing to my ears, it was like hearing a long lost Biggie Tupac duet for the first time. Then reality sunk back in as Shaq rips lines like "I'm about to rip it to sheds, no smithereens/Eat you like a sandwich (what kind??) SUBMARINES!!!" (Danngg!! You got served! But wait he follows it with) "Put on some lettuce, tomato & tom-a-toe/ I'm the Dick Bravado/ Got 60 Mil, I won the lotto."
"Roughneck" sounds like a reject beat from a GZA album, and that's being kind. Oh wait I just noticed Shaq uses 2 of the same lines on this album TWICE - back to back no less! "I smoke-smoke the mic-mic like Cheech-Cheech and Chong" & "ask Ed Lover & Doctor Dre who's the man" He's already used both earlier in the album, although I'm afraid to go back and find out which ones.
"Giggin' On Em" Someone forgot to tell Phife "just go home and save your dignity". Instead we've got him on this track sounding like a retarded Beenie Man. Oh but he comes back to save the day as he actually stops Shaq mid rhyme and tells him not to even do a 3rd verse!! Unfortunately, he has the bright idea to tell the Diesel "Just let all those people know all the fellas and peoples you Gigged on." Shaq starts his boasting list of people he gigged on with three dominate forces in the NBA: Greg Anthony, Alvin Robertson, & Manute Bol!! After an album full of Shawn Kemp, Laettner (teammates now! I wonder how their conversations go in the locker room), and ZO disses, I can't tell you how hard I laughed when I herd this line-up. Pure genius, this whole album is a gold mine of pure hilarity.
"What's Up Doc?" The album single (cough cough) ends the album on a high note. What a great song only capped off by Shaq's climatic verse: "Now who's the first pick? me, word is born and/ Not a Christean Laettner, not Alonzo Mourning/ That's okay, not being bragadocious/ Supercalifragelistic, Shaq is alidocious" (What does that even mean!!! What a great way to close out the album: On top of his game like Michael Jordan on the Wizards)
Wow, after listening to that again, it's worse than I remembered it or could have ever hoped for. This might be the most hilarious album you'll ever listened too, and there's so much more than what's been said, I'm more than happy with my purchase. Right now you can get it like new for 0.01 dollars!! Trust me it's worth every penny!!
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
worse than his free throws, June 12, 2002
By A Customer
this is so stupid it's funny. it's so bad not even his family would buy it. but if you think this is bad you should watch his movie Kazaam. at least in Shaq Diesel you don't have to watch him act stupid.
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8 of 10 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
This isn't Rap, it's Comedy., February 10, 2000
Normally I am pretty forgiving for horrible recordings. This time I'm not. No matter how you look at it, Shaq can not rap. Most of the time I don't know what the hell he is talking about. People that don't know anything about rap or who have never listened to rap before might think that he has "got skillz", but anyone who knows better will probably feel the same way I do. Frankly, his free-throws are better then his rap.
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