Most Helpful Customer Reviews
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
A car wreck, November 1, 2005
Here we go again with yet another zero budget, straight to DVD crudfest. In this instance, the car wreck in question is Brett Piper's 2002 film "Psyclops." I should have known I was in trouble when I saw the DVD cover. It sports a headshot of a young, blond man with a video camera buried in his head. He's screaming, too, although whether that's the result of having the aforementioned camera implanted in his noggin or the fact that he suddenly recognized he stars in a film that is the equivalent of a flat tire, I've not the slightest idea. Disturbingly, this cheesy artwork didn't stop me from sitting down and giving Piper's film a look. My tendency to give the worst films a chance is similar to the old highway accident phenomenon. Just as motorists will go out of their way to stop and stare at the goriest scenes of automobile carnage, I seem to do the same with movies like "Psyclops." I'm certain my affliction is psychological in nature and, I hope, I will soon find some form of medication to treat the malady. One thing is certain: I can't keep watching movies like "Psyclops" and continue to maintain my sanity. I just can't. Help me before I start hurting someone!
Seriously, "Psyclops" is a terrible film. It's the story of a geeky blond kid named Sheppard "Shep" Franco (Dan Merriman) and his efforts to make a film about his life. Oh brother! The Shepster carries a video camera around with him wherever he goes (and I do mean EVERYWHERE), annoying the heck out of his friends Dave (Rob Monkiewicz), Kim (Irene Elizabeth Joseph), and Heather (Diane DiGregorio). His aim is to capture life itself on camera, and become a world famous filmmaker as a result. Obviously, such a grand cinematic project requires mountains of videotape, but Shep's got that angle covered. He knows someone who will supply him with tons of old tapes for minimal cost. During one of his excursions to the supplier, Shep acquires a most unusual tape that fires his imagination. On the cassette is a snippet of film shot back in the days of the Civil War--years before moving photography existed, don't you know--showing eccentric inventor Artemis Winthrop (Philip Barbour) demonstrating his most recent creation. It's some sort of machine that opens up pathways to other dimensions, like something you'd see in a Lovecraft novel, and Winthrop fires it up for the camera. Big mistake.
Shep soon brings his friends in on the discovery, and it's not too long before they're traipsing down to the library in search of more information about Artemis Winthrop. And wouldn't you know it? He just happened to live right down the road! Even better, one of his descendants is nearby! Wow! Winthrop's granddaughter Amelia (Elizabeth Hurley) turns out to be some new age kook with a house full of crystals and other gimcracks. She utters the obligatory cryptic warnings about mucking around in things better left untouched before Shep and his friends actually locate the device in the ruins of Artemis's house! Talk about coincidence! Anyway, Shep fires up the machine and unleashes these really cheesy stop motion bug things that attack everyone around them. When the device really gets going, electricity engulfs Shep and fuses the camera to his head! Now it's up to Kim, Heather, and Dave to stand firm against an evil from another dimension, an evil that could destroy the entire planet if only Brett Piper had a big enough budget to show it! He doesn't, of course, so the movie treats us instead to the typical lunatic stalking innocent victims junk we've seen a million times before. The end.
Yuck. What a waste of time it was to watch this movie. "Psyclops" possesses few redeeming features to offset the bad acting, poor editing, cheesy special effects, and lame dialogue that pop up with frightening regularity. Well, the dimension machine was sort of cool. And the nudity helped too. But aside from those things, the movie tanks. The Shep Franco character grates on the nerves, as do his three friends. Heather has a New Yawk accent so thick you'll need a Q-Tip to clean your ears out by the time the credits roll. Dave and Kim aren't that bad, I guess, but neither one of them can act their way out of a wet paper bag. You may also rest assured that the Elizabeth Hurley in this film is NOT the Elizabeth Hurley of "Austin Powers" and "Bedazzled" fame. Look at that DVD cover again and reread the plot summary I've provided above. Would Elizabeth Hurley accept a part in a movie like this one? I think not! Still, I wonder how many people rented "Psyclops" thinking she's really in it. If you're dumb enough to believe that, you deserve to watch every single second of this film. Twice. With your eyes forced open with duct tape, if necessary.
After experiencing the horror that is "Psyclops," it's time for you to wallow in the extras. Listen to Piper and company as they attempt to justify this mess in a commentary track! Flip through endless still galleries showing images from the film you just groaned in agony over minutes before! Slog through an interminable "making of" featurette containing the obligatory interviews with the brain dead cast! Fortunately, the DVD contains NONE of these things! Yay! We do get a trailer for the film, a deleted scene, and trailers for "Legend of the Phantom Rider," "Arachnia," and "One Hell of a Christmas." Not that you'll care or anything, but there you go. Good luck should you decide to travel down this path. Don't say I didn't warn you!
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2 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Love at first Sight!!!, September 8, 2005
This explosive expose on life in the suburbs is laced with a horrific sub plot of video-addiction and evil! Action after adventure lures your skeptical brain into a dark tunnel of eye-popping entertainment. Intermingling with acting legends and directed by a genius phantom in todays mournful excuse for cinema, this is a sure winner. Watch it with your dying grandfather and bastard children, earning their up-most respect and eternal love.
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3.0 out of 5 stars
psyclops, March 24, 2009
this is a three star only some will find some thing that they like and rate four star and some find nothing interesting in it and say two stars
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