Most Helpful Customer Reviews
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16 of 18 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Hey, King Diamond's newest album., September 20, 2003
I can remember even as a small child watching it and cringing, recognizing a bad movie before I knew what a bad movie was.
Two initial point of observation:
(A) The dork playing Dracula was the worst Dracula EVER. The Count from Sesame Street makes a more credible vampire, or maybe T.J. Hooker, Matt Houston, Mary Tyler Moore, or even the shark from Jaws. This Dracula eerily resembles King Diamond. I kept waiting for him to tear off with a verse from Abigail or Them. This version of Dracula is portrayed somewhat like a talking mime, complete with three inches of white grease paint, lipstick, and large raccoon-like black patches around the eyes. Additionally, Dracula is the only character in the movie with a built-in echo.
(B) Wow! Frankenstein's Monster resembles Frankenstein's Baked Potato. His face is a bloated, rotten, clenched mess in which features are only minimally identifiable. The Monster is atypically distinguished by the extra-small jacket, heavy shoulder pads, and block-mounted elevator shoes. The Monster's method of attack: Snarling and bellowing, the monster shoves and slaps his victims to death. There is no escape. You will die screaming, your eyeballs pummeled from their sockets.
The plot of this movie, such as it is, involves King Diamond, I mean Dracula, seeking out the modern day descendant of the original Frankenstein. Dracula is interested in having the modern day Frankenstein ply his mad scientist wares on Dracula's behalf. And apparently, for no other reason than to serve the movie title, Dracula wants to exhume the immortal remains of the Monster; fortunately, and conveniently, the Monsters just happens to be buried a stretch down the road in the local graveyard. But the wheelchair-ridden Frankenstein decides he doesn't want to take orders from Count Diamond, I mean Dracula---so Dracula grimly unveils his gigantic plastic-looking silver monster-ring and shoots a poorly-animated lightning bolt at the wall.
Yeah, that's what I thought, Frankenstein, now straighten up.
Mixed into the supernatural intrigue is the blonde woman searching for her missing hippy sister; unbeknownst to her, the sister has in fact been abducted by Frankenstein as test stock for Frankenstein's evil experimentations! The blonde woman is subsequently captured by Dracula and conveyed to Dracula's new lair, the local church (the chosen sanctuary for all vampires). Dracula intends to exsanguinate the blonde woman, but is rebuked when the Monster shows an interest in the captive. Dracula retaliates, brandishing his disproportionately large plastic fangs.
The fight is on, baby! The Thrilla in Salmonella. Tickets by the Boardwalk, just look for the little guy with the hat. Dracula, at approximately 6 minutes until sunrise, backs out of the church and fifty yards into the adjoining woods. He stands there trying to give his best onstage magician performance scary face while the gargling and growling Monster pushes and slaps at him. Dracula counters the attack by taking the Monster apart like a cheaply-stuffed doll. The Monster refuses to back down, persisting even when both arms have been dismembered and the Monster is no longer capable of his patented shoving/slapping attack. Dracula is ultimately forced to behead the Monster.
Suddenly, the sun is rising. Oh sweet Countess Bathory! Dracula breaks into a staggering half-hearted run, moving back towards the church entrance. Just as he makes to the steps, near to the structure's threshold, Dracula succumbs to the sun's destroying influence, going from runny make-up King Diamond, to ashy-face King Diamond, and finally to skull-face King Diamond. Man, he almost made it, and alas, had he done so, there might have been intriguing sequels such as Dracula vs. Milo, Dracula vs. The Legend of Boggy Creek, or even Dracula vs. Xanadu.
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9 of 10 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
A fond farewell to the classics, in color!, June 28, 1999
By A Customer
I know this movie gets bashed alot for various reasons, however, I like this movie! Here is the closest thing ever made in color, in more recent times(1972) to the classic Universal Horror Monsters. Admittedly Zandor Vorkhov is not much of a Dracula, but hey, you got Lon Chaney Jr. and J. Carrol Nash(who appeared together in House of Frankenstein!) Angelo Rossettio(who starred along side Bela Lugosi in many a film) and music by a guy who did same for many Republic Serials! Even Forry Ackerman gets into the act! The machines used in the Frankenstein lab were also the original Strickfadden machines used in the classic Frankenstein films. Buy this video!
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8 of 9 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Trash-o-rama Horror, '70s Style!, May 22, 2001
This movie defies description, but I'll try.I recall watching this
schlockfest on "The Creature-Double-Feature" program, Saturday
mornings on Channel 56, Boston. The DVD adds all the bits deemed too
scary for the kiddies, and more besides (although rated PG, there is a
hint of bare breast in about two scenes). The movie is really three
bad horror movies put together in a big blender. There's the
Frankenstien part, the mad doctor part, and the Dracula part, which
smash together into a big ball of mush. The last surviving member of
the Frankenstiens works with a crazed Lon Chaney to butcher helpless
teens, then bring them back to life so he can extract some kind of
fear-induced serum murdered people produce. Meanwhile, Drac is in
town, and snatches the body of the Frankenstien monster. He plans to
use Doc's serum on the monster, which will make Drac king of the
vampires, or something like that. Drac teams up with Doc Frankenstien,
and they use the monster to kill their enemies. Doc has captured
the Judith's sister, and is using her to make his serum. When she
disappears, Judith tries to track her down. She gets slipped some LSD
in a biker bar, and then does a trippy hippie dance and meets up with
some stylin' hippies. They help her to look for her sister, while she
falls in lust with the head guru-hippie-guy. He becomes
action-hippie-guru-guy when it becomes time to battle Drac and Frank
(think Mannix crossed with Mike Brady after he got his hair
permed). One of the most unique things about this movie, besides
monster vs. monster, is that Drac can fire heat rays from his
ring! Dracula is played by the filmmakers' stock broker! Though no
Lugosi or Lee, he is strangely effective as a gotee-bearded
Drac! Forrest J. Ackerman (the writer who coined the shorthand term
"sci-fi"), cameos, and J. Carrol Naish plays Doc Frankenstien. Jim
Davis (Jock Ewing on "Dallas"), plays a cynical cop, and Russ Tamblyn
(Dr. Jacobi on "Twin Peaks"), plays Rico, the chief biker bad
guy. Angelo Rossitto, who plays the carnival dwarf, will be familiar
to film fans. He appeared in the 1932 classic "Freaks" (1932), and
"Mr. Wong in Chinatown" (1939). Horror fans will remember Rossitto in
"The Corpse Vanishes" (1942), and "Scared to Death" (1947), both with
Bela Lugosi. He was also a regular on "H.R. Pufnstuf". His most famous
recent role was Master in "Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome" (1985)
Sadly, in later years he was forced to run a newspaper stand in
Hollywood because he could not make enough money in films to live
on. The DVD is great, packed with extras, and nice interactive
menus. There's also an alternate ending where Drac drives a silver
hearse! It sounds (and is!), laughable, but on the other hand, what
kind of car would be a better Dracmobile? Though hardly a classic,
the movie will gratify those monster fans who always wanted to Drac
and Frank fight it out.
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