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38 of 44 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
"You must learn to like men a little better.", September 15, 2004
Based (very loosely) on a character created by legendary sword and sorcery fantasy writer Robert E. Howard, comes Red Sonja (1985), imbued with powers of mystical origin and seeking justice and revenge for the wrongs perpetrated upon her and her family by an evil warlord queen. The film, directed by Richard Fleischer, who also did Conan the Destroyer (1984), stars Brigitte (I was married to Sylvester Stallone once) Nielsen as the title character. Also appearing is Arnold Swarzenegger as Kalidor, a Noble warrior who aids Sonja on her quest, and the lovely Sandahl Bergman (she appeared in Conan the Barbarian as the warrior Valaria) as the evil Queen Gerden. Other notable appearances include Ronald Lacey (you may remember him as Toht from the film Raiders of the Lost Ark) as evil henchman Ikol, and Paul L. Smith (Bluto from the Robin Williams Popeye movie) as Falkon.
The film begins by relating the sad tale of Sonja and how Queen Gerden and her forces wiped out her family, supposedly I guess due to the fact the Queen wanted Sonja in some capacity (girls gone wild indeed) but Sonja refused. Left for dead, Sonja is visited by a spirit of sorts, which gives her literally gives he strength to embark on a quest of justice and revenge against the evil queen. Also, it seems the queen has stolen a powerful, carefully guarded, glowing orb right before it was meant to be destroyed, one that has powers of its' own, allowing for the possessor to control elemental forces and call down storms and earthquakes, if they so wish. Kalidor, one of the individuals in place to oversee the destruction of the orb, joins forces with Red Sonja, as their paths may differ, but they ultimately lead to the same place. An impudent, young prince named Tarn and his guard/manservant Falkon, whose kingdom was unceremoniously wiped out by Gerden as a test for her newfound powers, soon joins them. Will this small band of adventurers be able to stop Gerden and destroy the orb before the combination of the two destroys the world?
Alright, there's no denying this film has many problems...the movie basically came into existence to leech off the successes of the most excellent Conan the Barbarian (1982), and the lesser excellent sequel Conan the Destroyer (1984). Why they just didn't make another Conan film is beyond me, but I guess it was for the best, as, like Conan the Destroyer, this film garnered a PG rating, seriously hindering the level of violence inherent within the original Robert E. Howard stories. There is much violence and killing in this film, but it's extremely watered down, unlike Conan the Barbarian (which had an R rating, and was more faithful to the source material in more aspects than one). It's funny, but if you watch the trailer for this film, you'd think Arnold Swarzenegger was the star, as he was much more prominently displayed over Nielsen, but this is not a Conan movie. I did like some elements about the film. I thought the sets were very well done, and quite expansive. There was a few times when they seemed a bit too much, like in Queen Gerden's throne room...it was certainly suitable for an evil queen, but was it really necessary to have skeletons hanging around? I mean we know she's evil, but that seemed like overkill. The costumes were marginally well done, with the fighting scenes a bit better, specifically the swordplay (I don't think Swarzenegger understood the what it mean to go half-speed, as he seemed to really lay it on at times, swinging his large weapon, sword, that is...). The weakest part of this production has to be the script. The dialogue is so incredibly lame, and often resorts to having characters either speak the obvious, or put forth moronic questions and/or statements that made me groan. Also, the little comedic bits of dialogue didn't help either, as they were so poorly done and seemed quite unnatural and completely out of character. Someone else mentioned Nielsen's idiotic mullet, and I would agree, but I thought she did all right with the fighting sequences and the more athletic maneuvers, but the scenes where a stunt person took her place was quite obvious at times. I normally don't care much for children actors in films like this, as they invariably kill the mood, but the kid playing Prince Tarn wasn't too bad. Maybe if he had better lines, who knows? Bergman as Queen Gerden was good, but completely two dimensional and was passed off as a power hungry warmonger with sapphic tendencies. The plot was pretty straight-forward, and moved along well, but I was annoyed with the whole premise of some of the central characters learning lessons, like the young, snotty prince learning the value of humility and self-sacrifice, and that of Red Sonja, who suffered at the hands of Gerden's men at the beginning of the film, that not all men are bad and there is more to life than fighting, like love...I didn't mind that these elements were incorporated into the story, but I felt like I was being slapped in the face with it...Howard would do this in his books, but with a subtle professionalism nowhere to be seen here. Overall, the story's not so hot, the acting so-so, the costumes, scenery, special effects and fighting all pretty good, with the best element being the original musical score by Ennio Morricone...had the makers of this film had a better script and more material befitting an R rating (as in Conan the Barbarian), we might have really had something here.
The wide screen print here looks pretty good, and shows almost no signs of age or deterioration. The only special feature is an original theatrical trailer, but I really wasn't expecting much more. If you like the 2nd Conan film, you may enjoy this, but otherwise you might be better off renting instead of buying. You'll thank Crom...
Cookieman108
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
With a name like Red Sonja, it HAS to be good!, August 22, 2005
Firstly, anyone who takes this movie seriously has got a whole lotta issues! I love this movie! I grew up watching Red Sonja and thinking she was the strongest, coolest super karate warrior swordswoman on the planet! There are moments when it seems as if the entire movie just sort says "ok, that's all we got" and shows the surrounding country for way too long, (which is why I gave it 4 stars) but it was the 80's, people! If you're reading this review right now you're about 20 years too late to think the "special" effects are anything less than ridiculous! In an attempt to be honest, however, it is not quite worth the retail value price.Pay less for it or you'll feel kinda stupid (Best Buy- 6 or 7 dollars!) but no matter what, if you want a cheesy movie to sit and make fun of, and you're in the mood for some serious sword-swinging chick fight action, this is it! Buy it- if nothing else, it'll add a little spice to your dvd collection!
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8 of 9 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
Campy Sword and Sorcery, February 5, 2005
Though Arnold Schwarzenegger plays Kalidor in this movie rather than Conan, I always think of this movie as the third Conan movie. Queen Gedren (Sandahl Bergman, who played Valeria in "Conan the Barbarian") takes an orb from a sort of temple of all women who plan to lock it away forever, coincidentally at the same time that Queen Gedren has come to steal it. The orb has the power to destroy, and if left in the light too long it has the power to destroy the Earth. We are introduced Red Sonja (Brigitte Nielsen) whose sister was one of the women in the temple and who has taken on the task of retrieving the orb before it can be used to destroy the Earth. Naturally this quest is also Kalidor's, so though the two take separate paths, they all eventually end up in the same place.
Along the way to Gedren's kingdom we encounter Prince Tarn (Ernie Reyes, Jr., "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II" and "Surf Ninjas) and his bodyguard and servant Falkon (Paul L. Smith). Unfortunately, these two characters are the comic relief and while there are a few moments where they are at least humorous, it only takes a while for them to become tedious.
The foursome travel to Queen Gedren's kingdom, all the while she continues to make the glowing orb more and more powerful. She is also aware that Red Sonja and her party are on the way, and tries to prevent them from reaching her kingdom. One of her attempts involves a giant wind-up toy that makes funny noises and swims in circles, often towing one or more characters from the movie. Naturally Prince Tarn was part of the reason they encountered the beastie, and no matter how many times I tell him to go back, get out of the water, it just never seems to happen.
Ultimately the crew reaches Queen Gedren, there is the obligatory big fight, and things mostly resolve themselves as you would probably expect.
There are several remarkable and not-so-remarkable scenes in this movie. In one of the better scenes the party travels across the backbone of some sort of ancient monster. When Arnold encounters Red Sonja she is completing some sort of test to prove that she is ready to graduate from the "Funky Japanese Guy with Stuff Coming out of His Shoulders School of Mystical Sword Work." The arena in which she is fighting is cool, but for some reason they put a guy squatting over the entrance that looks to me like someone attempting to perform a bodily function, and I laugh every time I watch it. The temple of warrior women at the beginning of the movie where the orb is located is also well done, both the interiors and exteriors. I also thought Queen Gedren had a reasonably well-done castle.
This movie has good points and awful points. The fighting is generally well-done throughout, but there are the usual stupid points. For example, the warrior women are surrounding the glowing orb, which they plan to lock in the dark forever. It would seem to the average warrior that a lookout would be advisable. Second, once the locking procedure started, followed by the attack, all one of the priestess-warriors had to do was kick the key into the same deep pit the orb was going to go into, and the orb would have been closed up while the fighting was going on. Of course, that would have ended the movie and what fun would that have been.
Another problem is that Queen Gedren had this orb with all kinds of power, along with a castle filled with soldiers, and yet she allowed Red Sonja to live, with more than a hint of Gedren's sexual orientation. Given her megalomaniacal tendencies, you would have thought that Gedren would have summarily disposed of the group. It just seems like you can't predict the behavior of psychopaths in movies (ever notice that?).
Arnold movies usually introduce humor to keep the movie from being too serious, but this time some the humor was ill-timed and often ill planned. Ernie Reyes, Jr. plays a comedic character, and detracts too much from the plot line. Similarly, Paul Smith as Falkon was often for comedic effect, and it was too much like watching Laurel and Hardy do Conan rather than a typical Arnold movie.
This movie ends up being a movie of contrasts. The movie begins with an excellent premise. Portions of the movie are fun to watch. However, the campy portions drag down the good portions, and all of the potential of the movie is squandered in silliness. Arnold Schwarzenegger was an excellent Conan, and this movie could easily have been a third Conan movie, particularly given that the two Conan movies were much better done than this movie. I will recommend that you watch this movie, but do so as a rental rather than a purchase; you'll be happy you did.
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