Most Helpful Customer Reviews
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273 of 303 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
Move along ... nothing to see here ..., January 6, 2006
Only one star, but keep about five or six Advil handy. That ought to be enough to cover you for this one.
A couple of tid-bits about this disaster:
1. It's made by Uwe Boll, helmer of two of the WORST movies I've ever seen in 'House of the Dead' and 'Alone in the Dark.'
2. In what (to me) was a staggering moment of brutal honesty, Boll himself admitted that he didn't cast the movie until TWO WEEKS before filming began. What he wound up with are a bunch of "names" that happened to have a hole in their schedule and showed up for a quick paycheck and a free trip to Romania. It shows too, the whole film feels like they just totally skipped rehersal and nobody looks even half-interested in making an honest effort.
3. Will Sanderson and Michael Madsen may have discovered the only way to survive a Boll film. They were reportly completely drunk through the whole production.
4. Ben Kingsley, who previously had to deal with Madsen on the film 'Species' refused to even be on the same set with him.
5. In the harem scene with Meatloaf, those are HONEST TO GOD, 100% FULL-BLOODED ROMANIAN PROSTITUTES. I swear you can't make this stuff up. Apparently, Boll couldn't afford real actresses (their union rates made them too expensive), so he decided he could cut costs by just ordering-out for the real thing.
This is a disaster from front to back. I'll give it this though, it's better then his last two films. 'Bloodrayne', at least, is a little bit unintentionally funny. Even having said that though, I could never recommend anyone ever see this. It'll only encourage the man to keep going.
Uwe Boll, without a doubt in my mind, is the most talentless film-maker I've ever seen. I'm absolutely astonished that this guy keeps finding his way behind a camera ...
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128 of 155 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
Bloodrayne Bad, March 8, 2006
Uwe Boll is an inspiration to hopeful filmmakers everywhere. He proves that no matter how talentless you are, studios will still give you money.
Well, how do you explain a movie like "BloodRayne" otherwise? The infamous Boll's new film is yet another example of cinematic ineptitude, with bad acting from B-list stars, an atrocious script, and a plot that is actually thinner than the original video game. Someone put this movie out of its misery.
Rayne (Kristanna Loken) is a dhampir -- half human, half vampire, the result of a vampire raping a human. Escaping from a life as a sideshow freak, she decides to go kill her daddy Kagan (Sir Ben Kingsley). And Kagan is trying to grab the magical body parts of an ancient vampire, which will make him invincible.
Since Rayne is a good bloodsucker (animals and bad guys) she happily joins a band of vampire-haters, the Brimstone Society. Vladimir (Michael Madson), Sebastian (Matt Davis) and Katarin (Michelle Rodriegez) join forces with Rayne. But to stop Kagan, they will have to deal with his vicious vampire hordes.
If "Buffy" had ripped off "Blade" and "Lord of the Rings," then the result might have been something like "BloodRayne." Yes, the film is that unoriginal -- Uwe Boll tears off chunks of hit movies, and splatters them together into a movie of his own. But it cannot hide this simple fact: Boll has the skills of a mentally backward Yorkie.
Well, Boll is trying hard. He really, really tries hard to make this a thrilling, stunning adventure. But the entire movie is strangled in his ineptitude -- the action is Monty Pythonesque at best, with silly wrangling and geysers of blood. Lots of dismemberment. Funny sex against the jail bars. It's all almost campy, but somehow it's too inane to be.
And the cast is the worst. To put it simply, most of the actors seem like escapees from a vampire porn movie, wearing grimy costumes and bad wigs. You know a movie is in trouble when Romanian prostitutes -- real prostitutes -- are more impressive thespians than the lead actress. And if this is medieval Romania, how come everyone is naked?
Kristanna Loken proves why she has had no major roles besides a robot, and Michelle Rodriegez plays the Antisocial Bad Girl again. And the two good actors, Ben Kingsley and Michael Madson, are left to wallow in the cinematic gook. I felt genuinely sorry for these two guys, since they will probably be fielding the question "Why did you do BloodRayne?" for the next twenty years.
This version includes "Bloodrayne 2," but it's not clear why -- the movie and the second video game have virtually nothing to do with one another.
At any video store, you'll find dozens of movies of this caliber -- straight to video, with F-list actors. And "BloodRayne" proves again that somebody needs to go to Germany, and confiscate Boll's camera before he starts another atrocity.
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
Pass me a Stake., July 23, 2006
By far one of the worst movies I have seen in a very long time. The acting is sub par, Madsen, Kingsley, and Rodriguez are as lifeless as the corpses seen through the picture. Any time you rent a movie based upon a game, you can almost always expect to see quite a bit of gore...but the fight scenes were laughable at best. The sword work was done better in the old Errol Flynn flicks, and most of the fight scenes consisted with a sharp weapon of some sort being shoved into someone's head...followed by a huge wave of blood and a SPLAT sound. (Errol's special effects were also better.) The plot was simplistic and predictable. The ending was rushed and left you feeling completely unfulfilled. Bloodrayne is a waste of 90 minutes that you will never get back. Unless you rent this movie with the knowledge that it is a travesty of film making and watch it with the intention to laugh...you're better off watching infomercials on network television.
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