Most Helpful Customer Reviews
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33 of 36 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
A Sad Reflection of Declining IQ and Musical Taste, August 31, 2006
For the love of music, do yourself a favor and pass up on shelling out your dollars on Paris Hilton's self-titled album. A CD that has been in gestation for two years, "Paris" is a smoldering smorgasbord of embarrassing, gimmicky pop schlock that could not be more painful to listen to. Why is that? This chick has no talent.
Sure, some of the songs are mildly flirtatious and fun in the lyrical department, but even with an assortment of cream of the crop songwriters in the pop music scene Hilton cannot obscure the fact that she is nothing but a quick buck for a record company cashing in on her pointless fame. She can sing without her voice cracking, but she is definitely unworthy of even the D-list of pop vocalists, and her persona and style certainly don't boost her over the artistic threshold. She is to Gwen Stefani what Jessica Simpson is to Mariah Carey, only even worse; the poorest imitation.
The sole glimpse of talent on the record is on the egotistical "Fightin' Over Me," but only because Fat Joe and Jadakiss give it a much-needed facelift. Nevertheless, just like all the rest of the tracks, it is pure, unadulterated product. Hearing her whisper "that's hot" and namedropping hot shot producer Scott Storch under her breath at the beginning of the mind-numbing "Turn It Up" is even less of a pleasure.
Some of the beats on "Screwed" create a cool cadence, but no one has ever sounded less like they knew what they were singing about. Also, "Stars Are Blind"? "Stars Are Deaf" is more like it. Or at the very least, "Stars Are Bland," for never has their been a more bland pop single. Lastly, her cover of Rod Stewart's "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?" turns the classic into a lightweight roller disco confection, but she simply cannot deliver a decent voice and, most importantly, any grit or soul.
Do yourself a favor and refrain from buying "Paris." Don't support music that is 100% product and 0% genuine or a woman who inspires misogyny as she thrusts herself down the throats of Americans on a daily basis. For a pop album that actually sounds great in every aspect, opt instead for the latest releases from Madonna, Robbie Williams or any Kylie Minogue album this side of 2000.
Products like "Paris" are complete and utter atrocities, and spell death for art as we know it. Just wait - in late December you'll read the following obituary: "Art As We Know It passed away December 23, 2006 at 9:25 pm. It was 1097 years old. It passed away upon the realization that Paris Hilton's debut album was certified platinum."
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392 of 483 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
a perfect representation of the current state of music, August 24, 2006
Something interesting I've been noticing is that many people (some of my friends included) are saying that they are surprised by how much they like Paris Hilton's new single. You shouldn't be. Someone with her infinite wealth can easily afford to hire the right team to make her album as addictive as possible. This is the same tactic that allowed Britney Spears to achieve huge success so quickly. She had powerhouse producers behind her to make her music extremely infectious, causing just about anybody who didn't know any better to think to themself, "Wow! This girl's a great artist!" No. There's a difference between being a great artist and someone with the right team of producers working on their side.
This music is addictive because of its simplicity. Simple tunes are easier to hum/sing/remember, which is very appealing to some people. They contain "safe" harmonic and melodic structures where scale degrees and chords proceed to predictable locations, which are very immediately pleasing to the ear, yet not very rewarding (especially in the long-run). Paris' music is just that: predictable melodic/hamonic structure, geared toward making people think that she is actually a surprisingly valid artist, when she's actually deceiving them so that she can gain even more fame and fortune. How predictable...like her music.
On top of it all, there's a magical device that the music industry has tried to keep hush-hush over the years, but is now becoming common knowledge to the public. Referred to by producing veteran, DJ Premiere, in the video that accomopanies Christina Aguilera's new Back to Basics album as "auto-tune", this aweful technology allows producers to adjust the pitch of someone's voice after it's been recorded. Wonderful. At least before, people with minimal talent had to re-record over and over until they got it right, hopefully learning a little bit about relative pitch in the process and forcing them to slowly learn how to sing in the process. Obviously, Paris has used this. Her "interpretation" of the melody in this song is so terrible that she obviously has had little or no vocal training, and thus, has no more of a concept of relative pitch than anybody else in the country.
Paris said in an on-set interview for her video that she does not want people to think that she is just making an album just to do it, but that she has dreamed of making one since she was very young. Well guess what, Paris? Just because you want to make an album doesn't mean you should. Leave that to the dedicated, intelligent musicians of substance like Sheryl Crow, U2, Alicia Keys, and OutKast. Go take some music theory courses and intensive voice lessons and study some of the music that came out before you were born. Read some good literature. Exercise your mind. Then maybe, even you can release a respectable album.
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22 of 25 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
How You Going To Keep Them Down On The Farm?, May 27, 2007
If you're anything like me, every now and then you have one of those - I don't get it - moments. You know the ones I mean. In the midst of some routine activity you find yourself suddenly reflective. You think, "Gosh, I am so blessed. My life is rich with wonderful people I love and admire. I have meaningful work that provides an income and calls upon my innermost resources and desires. Each day offers opportunities to help others and be useful in the world. I am truly fortunate among men. Whatever did I do to deserve such happy circumstance?"
If you're anything like me, the very next thought you have after such an epiphany is - "What can I do to immediately neutralize this emotion the way Allied bombs neutralized Dresden?" What single act will most rapidly return my deep sarcasm, cynicism, and contempt for humanity, the "sweet spot" of my emotional landscape, the comfort zone of my discomfort? Fortunately for me, and others in my predicament, the CD "Paris" is available.
Like the soldiers in that WWI ditty, I too have seen Paris, but unlike them, I couldn't wait to get back to the farm. Indeed, it is not this CD itself that inspires despair, but its very existence. Actual musicians labor entire lives without ever managing to record a CD. The complete lack of talent exhibited so enthusiastically by Ms. Hilton would cause one to ask, "What then, was the motivation behind producing it?" This question has an easy answer that leads to a fascinating realization and a frightening villain. In order they are: 1.) There was a market for it, 2.) Our society has been reduced to the point where notoriety trumps value or even content, 3.) To be found in every mirror you pass.
Way back when there was a regular fixture on The Tonight Show called Monti Rock III. Monti Rock III was one of the very first people to be known for having no talent - that was his talent. The Gabor sisters pushed the envelope, although they did have some talent between them, and a genius for marrying money. These pioneers paved the way for Paris Hilton who is as perfect a hood ornament for our culture as you could ever hope to find. Though not ugly, she certainly is not a world-class beauty by any stretch of the imagination. Andy Warhol would have adored her superficiality, it trumps his, and he worked so hard at it. Frankly, they could have sold plenty of these CDs if the only sound on them was PH painting her nails.
So, the next time you're feeling smug about our culture and how sophisticated it is, compare the amount of ink PH gets with that of any three Noble Prize winners you can name.
That's done it - the euphoria is completely gone now. Cathedrals smolder in piles of rubble, Kurt Vonnegut trembles with terror in Slaughterhouse #5. The end isn't near, it's past.
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~ Lindsay Lohan
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