Most Helpful Customer Reviews
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
Comedy=Tragedy, February 28, 2008
I love slasher movies. I was raised in a time when slasher movies were the norm and so they have been engrained in my soul. I wanted to like Hatchet, I felt I could like Hatchet, except for one thing. It's a comedy and it doesn't try to hide it. Old school horror was not trying to be funny on purpose. If this movie had just taken itself with a grain of seriousness I might have enjoyed it, but I laughed for half the movie. If you're looking for a comedy, Hatchet is for you.
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10 of 12 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
Disappointment, March 20, 2008
Customer review from the Amazon Vine™ Program (What's this?)
Maybe it was the two years of hype that disappointed me, or maybe it was the crappy production, cruddy script, and pathetic acting that made me hate 'Hatchet'. "Old School American Horror"...yeah right.
The film's plot goes like this: a tour group is lost in the bayou and winds up getting stalked by a killer who likes like he has Down's Syndrome. Easy enough, right? Throw in tons of gore and pointless nudity and you've got a great throwback to '80s slashers, right? Wrong.
First off, the dialogue is horrendous and the actors delivering it are horrible. There are no likeable characters. There is nothing to care about in the entire film's running time. Second, what the heck was up with the sets? Ninety-five percent of the film is set outdoors and never for a moment do you believe that they are outside. Everything looks like a set. It looks exactly like the actors are in a swimming pool surrounded by plastic plants. Pathetic. Third, the killer AKA Victor Crowley just wasn't that interesting. I found his makeup to be pretty crappy looking. Some of the gore was okay(i.e. the head ripping scene) but some of it was just pathetic(i.e. the first kill and its completely fake looking arm ripping).
Overall, I feel that director Adam Green faked out both myself and the entire horror community with two years of hype over a movie that was just awful. I cannot see why 'Hatchet' got all the press and great reviews that it did. It sucked. Bad. Skip this. Don't buy it. Don't even rent it.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Defining Why We like Slasher Films; IT'S THE GORE STUPID!!!, October 8, 2008
Happy Halloween everyone!! If you haven't heard by now, "Hatchet" is Adam Green's homage to the 1980s Slasher genre; but not just your everyday, psychopath on the loose Slasher. This pays homage to the Slasher Immortals: Jason, Michael, Candy Man, Freddy... ...you know; the guys who never die. As a rule, I hate these characters. They become predictable and tiresome because no matter what you do to them, they'll come back for more. I make one exception for these guys; their first films. Since "Hatchet" is a "first" film, I'll cut it some slack. Despite my less than enthusiastic tone, I really enjoyed this film. Let's take a deeper look at it...
-THE TONE OF THIS FILM; IT'S USUALLY RED.
If you take Adam Green at his word (why not?), this is suppose to be a serious horror film with funny characters; not a horror comedy. However he chose to rationalize it, it's a horror movie that you can laugh at. I happen to love horror comedies, so he can shove his disclaimer up his "yoo-hoo". Whatever his intensions, there was little about this film you could take too seriously other than the fact people were dying. Don't get me wrong, the terror is real but never are your emotions challenged. I snickered and chortled throughout most of it. That's a good thing in my book.
-LIKE MY RETIREMENT INVESTMENTS, MY EMOTIONAL INVESTMENTS ARE BLEEDING!!
It's a good thing I didn't invest a lot of emotion into these characters. Not that they aren't well developed or acted, because they are. It's because even at their most likable, they are annoying people. The lead character is played by Joel David Moore (why does everyone have 3 names these days?). This guy is a wimpy version of David Schwimmer (is that possible?); so whiny and annoying. He is accompanied by one of his wise cracking buds, played by Deon Richmond; the smartest person in the film but the one nobody listens too. The heroine is played by Tamara Feldman. In case you're wondering, she's the only young lady who does not display her assets in this film. She might be the only one I cared about in the end. The rest of the cast are clichés including a pervert doctor pretending to be a movie producer and his pair of duped and desperate actresses, a retired couple who could be Sarah Palin's parents, and the con-man tour guide whom we can blame for everything. So, as the inevitable body count mounts, I had more sense of anticipation than dread.
-GORDITY; TWO GREAT TASTES THAT TASTE GREAT TOGETHER!
For those of you just skimming: Gore + Nudity = Gordity. "Hatchet" has ample and requisite amounts of both. The nudity is what I'd call "requisite" because it's done in the guise of Mardi gras in New Orleans mixed with a faux "Girls Gone Wild" video shoot. It is purposefully gratuitous and comedic but limited to flipping up of the tops. I didn't complain. The Gore was "ample", OFF THE CHARTS and too ludicrous to take seriously; way over the top! This is a rare case where "Unrated" actually has valid meaning. It's almost as if this films sole purpose was to revel in the creative kill. When gas powered belt sanders (WTF?) are involved, then there are no limits in sight. I'm not a gore hound, but this was done in such an over the top and entertaining way that I enjoyed it immensely.
-LET ME RESHOOT THE ENDING. (I won't tell you the ending but Spoilers ensue)
As this story starts out, we are introduced to characters in various states of cheer participating in Mardi gras. Our lovelorn lead wants to forget about women by taking a haunted swamp tour. The events prior to and during this portion are actually entertaining lead-ins to the carnage that follows. Along the way we get to see Robert Englund, Tony Todd (in a very funny little role), and a puking chick. The high jinx portion of the film ends with a goofy musical interlude during a ride on the short-bus; I'm not kidding. As our cast gets lost in the swamp and the carnage ensues, I start to suspect a clever ending coming on. I'm thinking; "If this ends like I think it will, then this film is brilliant!" Well, I outsmarted myself (or the Director). I don't usually think my ideas are great, but this one was a natural. You see, like Freddy and Jason and Michael, Victor (the mutated killer played by "Jason" Kane Hodder) is indestructible on a mortality level; you can't kill the dude. This is the very reason I don't enjoy these films. I thought it would have been really cool if some how, there were 15 of these dudes running around the haunted swamp. That would have been a stunner! But no; it's just one guy who can't be killed. When I realized this, the cleverness of the film withered just a little. I've seen enough bogy-men films. I was hoping for a killer who wasn't superhuman. For me, this was a case of taking homage a step too far. The ending was a big THUD to me.
-THE END?
I'd have to recommend this to slasher fans and gore fans in general. If you don't like horror comedies, then Adam Green made this for you, even though I got a lot of laughs and gruesome giggles out of it. There is little mystery to this film since we are introduced to the killer very early and nothing is hidden. I could forgive this film for rehashing the bogyman theme (which I'm tired of) because it was so witty and entertaining. The annoying characters were well played and the production values were top notch. I wish the story had taken a more creative turn without abandoning its homage theme, but the story as a whole was good enough. The DVD is loaded with good "making of" material and commentary. If they make a sequel with 15 Victors running around the swamps of Louisiana yelling "DAAADDDYYY!!!" then it was my idea. Happy Halloween!!
Story......4 Stars
Acting.....4 Stars
Gordity...4.5 Stars
Ending....2 Stars
Average...3.63 Stars
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