Most Helpful Customer Reviews
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127 of 135 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Having A Sociopath for a Father, May 2, 2008
I have read all of Augusten Burroughs' books. Because he is so brutally honest, it's easy to feel as if you know him when you read him. I've felt that way-- as he shares so much and obviously grows emotionally with each book. He had one of the most horrible childhoods imaginable, yet recounts those incidents with an acerbic sense of humor. As readers, we laugh-- but we laugh at the absurdity of the situation. The situation itself was often not quite as funny. It's almost amazing Burroughs survived many of the events he lived through. Another reviewer stated that he survived 'unscathed'. I wouldn't really agree-- I think he survived with some deep emotional scars. Yet, these scars haven't prevented him from managing to work through these issues to lead a worthwhile and loving life. Most people would be permanently damaged-- Augusten Burroughs is truly an incredible and insightful and lucky human being.
It seems as if only the other day I read Burroughs' last book, Possible Side Effects. Yet, I just discovered this book was published and immediately ordered it. I received it this afternoon and finished it this evening.
Not having read any of the reviews at all, I wasn't sure what to expect but I immediately noticed that this book was entirely different from all his previous books. This isn't humor-- this is an incredible memoir of living with a sociopathic parent. In his past books, he talks about his mother's mental illness, but glosses over his father's. If you read this, you can understand why. He had to be ready to write this. I imagine that writing this book must have been unimaginably painful. Some people would have NEVER been ready to write this. Consequently, it would have been impossible to really mention these events in other books without then devoting the entire book to the father. This book fills in the missing pieces you might have thought existed in Running with Scissors: A Memoir (which, up until now, I thought was the best memoir I've read). In that book, the mother comes off as the crazy one and the father may actually come off as the sometime victim. If you saw the movie Running With Scissors (a brilliant film wrongly marketed as a comedy), you might even feel some unwarranted sympathy for the father and only disdain for his narcissistic mother. However, there was so much more to his story and it's all here.
Augusten Burroughs never refers to his father as a sociopath, but his father fit the very definition. He was completely devoid of any empathy, any love, any concern; a hollow man and an empty shell-- yet full of rage and cruelty. Calculating, he was able to show a different face to the public and saved his mask of kindness for strangers. He was entirely unable and unwilling to show any care to his sons or his wife.
Burroughs recalls many specific events that occurred in his youth-- horribly frightening events that are almost too terrible to contemplate. I was actually going to include a few of these events here, but I decided to delete them. They have to actually be read in context to be believed.
There is one event, though, that Augusten has a memory of from when he was very young. This one includes helping his dad bury a body. It's remained with him for all these years and Burroughs admits he doesn't know if it's true or not. It FEELS true. For decades it has haunted him (and still does) and for years he'd check the internet for any unsolved murders in Amherst during that time frame. That one memory also caused him years of disturbing recurrent dreams where he'd be committing murder and hiding the body.
Finally, as an adult, he decided to find a way to confront his father-- hoping to find that the dream had no basis in reality. Burroughs presented an absurd scenario to his father hoping for the reaction any normal person would give. Instead, the response his father gave Augusten was chilling.
This book is difficult to read. It's one of the saddest stories I have read, yet it is ultimately uplifting, since Augusten presently has a happy and successful life-- and more importantly, a kind and gentle soul. This is the best memoir I've read and I highly recommend it.
Also recommended: The Sociopath Next Door
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33 of 36 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Let's Talk About Dad, April 29, 2008
Burroughs, Augusten. " A Wolf at the Table", St. Martin's, 2008.
Let's Talk about Dad
Amos Lassen
Augusten Burroughs has become a literary wonder. His books are bestsellers and he manages to attract a large readership. We have read about his dysfunctional childhood and laughed and cried with him and wondered how he has managed to survive. I, personally, find him wonderful and await each new book.
With "A Wolf at the Table", Burroughs takes us to the relationship between father and son and the extremes of love and hate. I think what makes Burroughs so interesting is not just that he is a good writer but his insight and honesty. He not only writes about himself but about all of us who want love and validation. He suffered greatly as a child but emerged unscathed (at least so it seems to us). He managed to overcomes hardships and revels at just being alive. I do not think that many of us could have withstood the kind of childhood that he experienced and come though it with a "joie de vive".
Having read all of Burroughs' books, I was pretty sure that I knew what to expect from this new book but I found myself pleasantly surprised to see how Burroughs can write about such crazy experiences and remain both in control and relaxed. I think most of us who had experienced a childhood like his would find it excessively hard to remain detached and cool about it. His father was an unpredictable predator with mood swings that just happened to come along. I found the tension and suspense to be, at times, almost overbearing. Burroughs captures the suspense beautifully. When Burroughs writes about the dreams he has of his father and how he is still unable to decide whether they are dreams or events that actually happened and neither are we. To have those ideas on one's mind are frightening and the fact that Burroughs' father was not just a strange person to him but a mystery as well is the overwhelming idea that hovers over this book. He states that as he grew the idea of his father remained a sinister thought in his mind. The kind of father that he wanted and felt he needed just never did come into being. His father was a person who seemed to care only for himself and took little part in raising his son. What he did do was remain apart except when he needed his son for something sinister.
Burroughs' writing has a quality to it that is hard to define. He plays with the reader and draws him in and carries him with him as he tells the dark tale of his father. Burroughs manages the emotions as they waver between love and sadness, reverence and disgust and he does so masterfully.
This is a darker Augusten Burroughs than we have known but that doesn't make reading him any less interesting or fun.
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28 of 31 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
A much darker side of Augusten, May 2, 2008
After I read the first several chapters of "A Wolf at the Table: A Memoir of My Father," I was a little disappointed...but only for a short while. I'm a big fan of Augusten Burroughs and have read all of his books. As a result, I was expecting another deeply disturbing yet hilariously funny memoir along the lines of "Running with Scissors" and "Dry." However, Augusten's latest book is unlike anything he's ever written. There is nothing funny about this story, which chronicles the author's relationship with his alcoholic, psychologically disturbed father. In spite of its serious tone, however, I think "A Wolf at the Table" is the best thing Augusten has ever written.
Most of the events described in this book took place early in Augusten's life, before he turned 12 years old. If you've read any of the author's previous books, you know that his family life gives a whole new meaning to the word "dysfunctional." Augusten has written in detail about his mentally disturbed mother and her crazy therapist (who ended up being Augusten's legal guardian for a while). Until now, Augusten never went into much detail about his father, except to say that he was an alcoholic who would often engage in violent fights with his wife. In "A Wolf at the Table," Augusten describes his lifelong desire to connect with his father, who always seemed to wear a mask of complete indifference when it came to his son. Not only was Augusten emotionally neglected by his father, but he was also abused...just not usually in the physical sense. Yes, there were times when Augusten's father hit his son so hard that little boy could barely walk for days, but those incidents don't even begin to compare to the twisted emotional games Augusten's dad (or "Dead," which is how Augusten pronounced "Dad") would play.
Augusten's father was an incredibly sick individual. He tortured his wife and children in a variety of ways. This man killed two of Augusten's childhood pets...three if you count Brutus, who mysteriously turned on Augusten and his mother at one point (at the encouragement of the father) and had to be put to sleep. At one point, Augusten's father called his son and told him he was on his way over to the house to kill him, but that turned out to be one of his most convoluted mind games of all.
Obviously, Augusten's relationship with his father had a major impact on his life. It took decades for Augusten to finally come to terms with everything that happened to him and manage to get his life on track. I'm amazed that any one person could endure so much tragedy and emerge as a survivor. For that reason, "A Wolf at the Table" isn't a grim tale at all. Yes, most of it is depressing as hell to read, but Augusten managed to make it through, and that's definitely cause for celebration.
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