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Secrets You Keep from Yourself: How to Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness (Paperback)

~ x Dan Neuharth (Author) "We want to know and be known for our very best..." (more)
Key Phrases: underlying core fears, survival rules, core desires, King Kong, Subterranean Accountant, Defense Department (more...)
4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)
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Secrets You Keep from Yourself: How to Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness + If You Had Controlling Parents: How to Make Peace with Your Past and Take Your Place in the World + Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
Price For All Three: $32.92

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Neuharth, a marriage and family therapist, brings the same mixture of practical suggestions and sympathetic understanding in this new guide to avoiding self-defeating actions as he did to his If You Had Controlling Parents: How to Make Peace with Your Past and Take Your Place in the World. (The earlier book resulted in Oprah, Good Morning America and CNN Talkback Live! appearances.) In order to change behavior that has undermined personal happiness, Neuharth argues that it is essential to recognize that one is one's own source of this unhealthy conduct, that one has the power to alter it and that denial usually prevents one from taking productive action. Denial,Neuharth finds, frequently stems from inappropriate fear that taking any action may have too great an emotional cost. In an especially useful chapter, he shows how most fears reflect concerns about self-worth or worries about a dreaded experience such as publics peaking. He offers a number of self-tests and sensible techniques for becoming more self-aware and overcoming fears, illustrated by numerous case studies. In addition, Neuharth helps readers identify their deepest hopes and desires along with the means for achievement. A clear, apostrophic style ("You've done this thousands of times in your life") and user-friendly organization further add to this above-average manual for maximizing personal happiness.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.


Product Description

This insightful guide is an exploration of how and why people undermine their happiness and lose touch with their "best" selves. Counterproductive self-deception, a universal behavior, is a habit that can be broken. People keep themselves from having what they want, a phenomenon known as "self-handicapping."

Offering poignant examples, innovative tools, and a compassionate perspective, Dan Neuharth reveals how to vanquish self-imposed roadblocks and avoid unnecessary losses in order to embrace and share the best in oneself.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 304 pages
  • Publisher: St. Martin's Griffin (February 24, 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0312312482
  • ISBN-13: 978-0312312480
  • Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.5 x 0.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)
  • Amazon.com Sales Rank: #506,264 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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More About the Author

Dan Neuharth
Discover books, learn about writers, read author blogs, and more.

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Front Cover | Front Flap | Table of Contents | First Pages | Index | Back Flap | Back Cover | Surprise Me!
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We want to know and be known for our very best. Read the first page
Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
underlying core fears, survival rules, core desires, conflict that makes, fuzzy math, basic worth, counterproductive behavior, inner characters
Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
King Kong, Subterranean Accountant, Defense Department, Size Solution, Perhaps Angelica, Robert Karen
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Customer Reviews

11 Reviews
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4.6 out of 5 stars (11 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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47 of 47 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Offers far more than it advertises, April 4, 2004
By A Customer
This review is from: Secrets You Keep from Yourself: How to Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness (Hardcover)
What's that adage that you can't judge a book by its cover? Although I compliment the publisher for the cover's clean, contemporary design in sea-foam green and backlit-blue, this understated cover actually undersells this gem of a book. In fact, this is like three books in one. The first third of the book is a thorough investigation into how denial and self-defeating behavior really work, along with numerous ways to nip self-sabotage in the bud. For me, that in itself was worth the price of admission. The book's middle section is an inspiring and affirming motivational text that includes several excellent exercises which helped me clarify values, yearnings, and goals that matter most to me. This section showed numerous ways to live your highest dreams rather than settling for your limitations. The final part of the book is primarily a practical, nuts-and-bolts primer on effective problem-solving, offering a half-dozen no-nonsense methods to solve any personal problem. Any one of these sections could stand on its own as an entire book, yet the three "books" work together seamlessly. I found this book full of insights, though never dense or obscure. Quite a bargain for the buck.
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26 of 26 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Definitely Worth Reading, April 2, 2004
By A Customer
This review is from: Secrets You Keep from Yourself: How to Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness (Hardcover)
This book has the most insightful and freeing explanation of how to overcome fear and anxiety I have ever read. After reading this I feel that, for the first time, I have a handle on how fear tends to run my life. More importantly, I feel I can take back control of my life in crucial situations where I would have felt lost before. I also loved the metaphor about "Inner Characters," especially the Indulger, Persuader, Moviemaker, and Dramateer, which particularly spoke to me. This Inner Character metaphor has helped me spot even the most subtle ways I personally tend to drift into self-sabotage, and to spot it early enough so that I can change course. Using this metaphor has already kept me on several occasions from doing things that I would almost certainly have later looked back on with chagrin in one of those "What was I thinking?" moments. The book does a great job of showing how everybody gets in their own way at times and that self-sabotage is nothing to be ashamed of. This knowledge takes away the guilt-and-shame factor I sometimes feel when I "step in it." That frees me to move on and learn from my mistakes instead of risking repeating them cluelessly. Definitely worth reading.
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18 of 18 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Clear and thought-provoking, March 21, 2004
By "aloha8232" (Hawaii, USA) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Secrets You Keep from Yourself: How to Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness (Hardcover)
This is an amazing book. Denial and self-sabotage would seem to be difficult topics to approach and define. How can one talk about what one may not be consciously aware of, after all? But this book tackles this subject in masterful fashion. By using both a light touch and reassuring manner, the author encouraged me to approach my own foibles (of which I am sometimes quite critical) with an open mind and heart, enabling me to learn about and accept myself in new ways and on a deeper level than most self-help books I have read. At the same time, the book takes complex phenomena such as defense mechanisms, the ego and self, and personality traits and, without sacrificing accuracy or psychological sophistication, shows in clear, precise, and plain-spoken ways how our innate human complexity can trip us up or work against us without our knowledge. Moreover, the book addresses these potentially-uncomfortable topics in a supportive, positive manner. Through features like identifying your "usual suspects" and the four "litmus test" signs of self-sabotage, this book stimulates powerful introspection into one's own self-sabotaging patterns, which is the necessary first step to positive change. I especially liked the book's chapter on the nine "Inner Characters" like the Moviemaker, Dr. No, and Mini-Me. These ingenious "character" portraits gave me entirely new ways to recognize and avoid my everyday ways of drifting into potentially troublesome habits.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5 stars This is an excellent book
This book is filled with helpful insights for living a more fulfilling, happy, and balanced life. Written in easy to understand way that anyone can benefit from, I would... Read more
Published 9 months ago by Justin M. Buffer

5.0 out of 5 stars Lots of practical advice and great examples
Simply put, this book is great. It's not filled with psychobabble or hard to grasp concepts. I had SO many "Ah-ha" and "of-course!" moments reading this book. Read more
Published 19 months ago by J. L. Ranard

5.0 out of 5 stars Exceptional and life-changing book
Dan's book is absolutely exceptional. It is not filled with psychological mumbo jumbo, but is a truly practical book about what a person does to themselves in times of cricis,... Read more
Published on November 7, 2006 by D. White

5.0 out of 5 stars Secrets You Keep from Yourself
This is a top notch book to build self awareness and effectiveness. Mr. Neuharth writes in clear terms that allow for anyone to understand a somewhat complex topic.
Published on March 16, 2006 by Rick L. Beach

5.0 out of 5 stars Lots of great advice
Surprised by how much good information and advice was packed into the book. The scenarios used to explain various traits and behaviors were especially useful.
Published on January 10, 2006 by J. Tanguay

5.0 out of 5 stars Easy-to-Use Guide to Obtaining Optimum Self-Awareness
This book was truly inspirational -- in a very simple and easy-to-read guide, I learned the key to defeating some behaviors I was not even aware of. Read more
Published on April 2, 2004 by Spring Aguirre

1.0 out of 5 stars Confusing and Not worth the Money
This book is not only confusing - I was lost before the end of the second chapter, it seems like the Dr. Read more
Published on March 19, 2004

5.0 out of 5 stars What an eye-opener!
Beginning with the Introduction's stirring and encouraging words ("You could change the course of your life. Read more
Published on March 15, 2004 by kathryn

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