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When You Love a Man Who Loves Himself (Paperback)

by W. Keith Campbell (Author) "Arrogant, cocky, self-centered, selfish, self-absorbed, egotistical, egomaniacal, full of himself, God's gift to the universe, player, playboy, conceited-all of these terms have been used to..." (more)
Key Phrases: relationships with narcissists, narcissistic jerks, narcissistic men, New York, Donald Trump, Georgia Tech (more...)
4.2 out of 5 stars See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly
"Every time I talked about narcissists' romantic relationships," writes Campbell, who has studied the subject for years, "women would seem to pay particular attention...They would at first get a puzzled look in their eyes, then start nodding, and finally have an 'ah-ha' experience." Yes, women know about narcissistic men: those good-looking, extroverted, self-confident and, ultimately, uncaring and unfaithful men who seemed at first to be so exciting. Campbell, a young academic who wrote his doctoral dissertation on narcissists and romance, offers a book that's a couple of notches above the usual relationship advice book-intelligent, sober and well written. He clearly defines narcissism and how it is different from simple high self-esteem (narcissists need to be the best, and have a strong sense of entitlement); then offers a "narcissist's-eye-view" of a romantic relationship so readers can identify their traits (the narcissist see his girlfriend as a trophy whose purpose is to make him look good; he needs to be in control of the relationship); the difficulty of getting a narcissist to abandon his narcissism; and personal and social reasons why women date narcissists. Campbell has a wide range-he can draw on popular films as well as psychological research. If your man seems to love himself too much and you not enough, this is a good place to seek understanding and advice.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Product Description
Narcissistic men seem like the ultimate catch: self-confident, attractive, charming individuals who are often the life of the party. The narcissist always knows the place to be and who to be seen with. His attention is initially very flattering, but eventually his behavior is not: he becomes aloof and controlling and may cheat. He still seems somewhat interested, however, and often makes enough nice gestures to maintain a girl's interest, leaving all but him to wonder: what is going on? The country's leading expert on narcissism, Dr. W. Keith Campbell, explains how to identify a narcissist, what it means to love a man who loves himself and how to break the cycle of dating men with this personality disorder.

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 304 pages
  • Publisher: Sourcebooks Casablanca (February 14, 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 140220342X
  • ISBN-13: 978-1402203428
  • Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 6 x 0.7 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
  • Amazon.com Sales Rank: #148,220 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Inside This Book (learn more)
First Sentence:
Arrogant, cocky, self-centered, selfish, self-absorbed, egotistical, egomaniacal, full of himself, God's gift to the universe, player, playboy, conceited-all of these terms have been used to describe a certain type of man. Read the first page
Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
relationships with narcissists, narcissistic jerks, narcissistic men, being narcissists, narcissistic partners, satisfaction drop, narcissistic behavior, big entrance, dating partners
Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
New York, Donald Trump, Georgia Tech, Jimmy Buffett, Harvard Divinity School
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This book cites 12 books:
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Customer Reviews

19 Reviews
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Average Customer Review
4.2 out of 5 stars (19 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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28 of 28 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Very helpful book!, February 5, 2005
By GenMe (San Diego, California) - See all my reviews
This is a great book, a combination of real-life stories and first-rate research that's also wryly humorous at times. The combination makes for a very informative and enjoyable read.

The information in the book is extremely helpful. Because I teach psychology myself, I learned about Dr. Campbell's research several years ago. Realizing that my ex was a narcissist finally explained why things just weren't working. Leaving that relationship was the best thing I ever did. And when I started dating again, I looked for someone who was definitely NOT a narcissist. I'm happy to say I found him, and it really does make all the difference.

Now when I teach a class in personality psychology, I hand out a copy of a narcissism measure. I sometimes call it "the boyfriend test"! A form of this questionnaire is in the book. It's probably the most helpful screening test for men ever invented, because you might not realize right away that someone is a narcissist (they can be so charming at first). This book tells you how to spot the narcissists.

Very few relationship books out there give such solid and helpful advice. Buy one for yourself and several to hand out to friends!
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26 of 26 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars Great if you want to know about College Narcissists, October 1, 2007
I bought this book due to the great reviews and found myself disappointed.

It is a good book although rather simplistic and a little sexist. Dr. Campbell bases almost all of his research (I believe, from what I can find on Google regarding his Bibliography) on college students. He misses or dismisses any male narcissist over 35 (my guess here) and hardly mentions female narcissists.

If you are a woman in college or in your twenties and thirties and are still single, you will probably find this book valuable. It's all about how to date "nice men" and how to recognize and stay away from Narcissist playboys.

If you are married to or divorced from a narcissist, not so much. He completely misses what happens to us once we are sucked into the narcissist's vortex. He only hints that it is much harder to leave if you have time invested (investments) and counsels women to think about this as well as the other factors from research of a Professor Rusbult.

In my experience it's a whole lot harder. Especially if you have been traumatized by a narcissist. If you have spent any amount of time living with one, you probably have been traumatized. Dr. Campbell misses the boat by not stating this clearly.

I also found the comments from Dr. Campbell that narcissists grow out of their narcissism as they age due to reduction in testosterone ridiculous. He should meet my ex husband. He should talk to women in domestic violence support groups. He should talk to Lundy Bancroft or Patricia Evans. He should talk to men who are married to narcissist abusers.

If you think you are dating a narcissist or have dated one, or want to know how not to make the same mistake and end up married to one - again, then buy this book. I give it 3 stars instead of 2 because his dating advice is pretty good.

If you are married to one or divorced from one and are trying to heal - look elsewhere.

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12 of 12 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars LIFE SAVER, September 1, 2006
By Bonnie Bell (Minnesota) - See all my reviews
The day my nemesis narcissist ex-boyfriend broke up with me, I flew out of town and started reading this book on the flight. Five days later, I finished it on the flight home. Although I am still crying, this booked helped me do a lot of healing.

I would have bought this book sooner (and it would have saved me unnecessary additional heartache) but too many reviewers said the book was "funny." I found it sad that a book would address such a painful subject with humor. Dating a narcissist feels like a cancer growing inside of you. It eats you alive and spreads like poison. I didn't find a damn thing funny about the HELL I was going through after Narcissist Man turned off the charm and turned on the torture literally overnight! What kind of a monster does NOT call his girlfriend the day after she gets into a car-totalling accident to see how she is feeling?

Desperate for help, I reconsidered and bought this book. I did not find it full of humor. On the contrary, the book is very understanding and sympathetic with what women suffer by dating men like the man that shredded my heart. I learned a TON and even though it still hurts, I feel better knowing that it was NOT my fault and that I am not alone. The book teaches that the reason women are so DEVASTATED by these men, even after very short relationships (mine was 2.5 months) is because the narcissist is so callous and so cruel and absolutely, positively, NOT SORRY. Apologies were invented to soften pain and disappointment. Narcissists will not apologize because they literally feel NO GUILT. It is as if they are not even human. This is what makes the pain so unbearable and what causes you to not be able to stop thinking about him. You can't make sense out of insanity but your brain is programmed to apply logic. You cannot, so your suffering continues long after the relationship ends, like a broken record that refuses to stop playing.

If you suspect that you are dating a narcissist or if one just broke up with you, RUN, don't walk. Buy this book immediately. The longer you stay with him, the harder it will be to leave. Additionally, after the breakup, the narcissist may try to get you back in order to feed his ego. You need to protect yourself with every available means. This book has got to be the clearest available on the subject of narcissistic men. As I read it, I found myself constantly saying, "I said that very thing about Jon!!!" I'm talking about even obscure things, not just the obvious. That is how much the author knows exactly what he is talking about. Please, don't wait. You need to start healing NOW.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews

3.0 out of 5 stars Simple Book
I thought this book was a little too simple for what I was looking for. Narcissism is more complex than this book reviews and can take non-overt forms. Read more
Published 2 months ago by Lily

1.0 out of 5 stars BAD book, very Un-empowering so many better books on the market
This book is old school and sexist. As others have stated The author doesn't have the background necessary to write authoritatively on this subject
The book was fair at... Read more
Published 5 months ago by SherryBaby

4.0 out of 5 stars Informative and Helpful Book to "Spot" a Narcissist
I agree with other reviewers that this book does not really cover the topic of recovering from being in a relationship with a narcissist. Read more
Published 5 months ago by nutmeg

3.0 out of 5 stars Misses other than classic NPD
This book is a good overview and offered some clarity in identifying men with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but it focuses too much on the classic, successful, high-power... Read more
Published 11 months ago by Valerie Brooks

4.0 out of 5 stars A valuable addition
This book is a valuable addition to the popular psychology books on narcissism. Its tone is trenchant yet compassionate and there is surprising humor in it, too. Read more
Published 12 months ago by Natori Moore

1.0 out of 5 stars The Least Helpful Book on this Subject I Have Yet Come Across
I have read everything I could get my hands on on the subject of Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), and this book is very disappointing. Read more
Published 13 months ago by Standifer

5.0 out of 5 stars best of the bunch
I read a lot of books of this type, and I have to say, I really think THIS one is the best. It can be incredibly baffling and frustrating ( as well of often heartbreaking) to deal... Read more
Published 18 months ago by Lisa Guerci

5.0 out of 5 stars Outstanding book on romantic narcissism
After a 10 year relationship (with a 2 year marriage), my husband without warning changed his mind about me. Suddenly, I was wrong in every way for him. Read more
Published on June 19, 2007 by mizrahi/mossimo fan

5.0 out of 5 stars do YOU love a man who loves himself?
If you love a man who loves himself, you really need to read this book. W. Keith Campbell has written a very informative and useful book for women who find themselves involved... Read more
Published on August 18, 2006 by Sammy Madison

5.0 out of 5 stars Amusing and Informative
I enjoyed reading this book. The examples are entertaining, and it was great to read a book on narcissism based on real psychological research. Hilarious!
Published on April 2, 2006 by Irwin Fletcher

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