The Truth Is . . .: My Life in Love and Music (Paperback)

This written journey into her soul shows the path Melissa has taken over the past 40 years in her career, loves and relationships, births of her two children, and eventual happiness with the person she has become.

Melissa takes us back to her roots in Leavenworth, Kansas, circa 1961, and her birth into an extremely dysfunctional family that never shared their emotions. Born on her older sister's birthday, that event seemed to set-off a deep-set resentment in Jennifer, culminating in manipulation, physical, and sexual abuse that lasted for many years. As do many victims of sexual abuse, Melissa escaped into a fantasy world that gave her comfort -- the world of movies, food, and later, music. For two hours in the make-believe world of Hollywood, she could escape the reality of her life, and find safety in her dreams for the future.

In 1964, she heard the Beatles for the very first time, and from that moment on, music became her saving grace. With music in her life, Melissa found a sanctuary, and would daily recreate songs with the neighborhood kids, always in the lead guitarist role of their make-believe band. Eventually her father noticed, and one day came home with a real guitar, which set her on her musical journey. Although her mother was never fond of her musical talents, her father did take an interest, driving his talented daughter to practices and gigs all over Kansas and other areas. She played throughout her high school years with one goal in mind -- to be a rock-and-roll star and get the hell out of Leavenworth, which is exactly what she does.

The trip to stardom didn't happen overnight, taking detours to Boston and the East Coast, before heading west to the bright lights of Los Angeles. Along the way, Melissa continued her search for love, falling into the typical lesbian "second-date/U-Haul" relationship trap. She entertained various women and relationships throughout the years that would fill her soul for the moment, yet left her empty when they simply couldn't give her enough. These heart-wrenching relationships led to passion-filled, gut-wrenching hits such as "Bring Me Some Water," "Like the Way I Do," "Don't You Need," "Similar Features," and the classic, "You Can Sleep While I Drive."

A turning point in Melissa's life happened when she met Julie Cypher. At the time, Julie was married to actor, Lou Diamond Phillips. But Melissa was smitten, and evidently, so was Julie. Their flirtation on the set of Melissa's first music video continued throughout the months; Julie finally making the first physical overture with a kiss. The affair continued for months before Julie filed for divorce from Phillips, and fled to Melissa's arms. In the beginning, their relationship appears to have the glow most new relationships do. But eventually the shine wears off, and you read of many infidelities on Julie's part, her desire to control and manipulate Melissa to get what she wants, the birth of two children into a troubled relationship, and a growing sense of unhappiness in Melissa. The children appear to be the only bright spot in Melissa's life during this tumultuous relationship. Acknowledging their problems, the couple attempts counseling. The final revelation Julie shares with Melissa during a session is not only devastating to her as she hears it, but is devastating to the reader as well. You truly feel her pain upon hearing the declaration.

Continuing towards the end of this painful relationship with Melissa, you get a sense of a troubled soul about to turn the page in her life. Her words gain strength with each passing page, and although she slips a few times, Melissa begins to find a new balance in her life, discovering herself in the process. The newfound self-confidence she feels in the last few chapters simply leap from the page, impressing the reader of the importance in finding one's place in life, knowing what it is you need and desire, and not settling for less.

While many could say this is a "dirty laundry" book, Melissa is fair in her telling of the stories. She states, "What you are about to read is my perception of the events that have shaped my life, inspired my music, and brought me to a new understanding of myself and my life...people may disagree, and some may not like what I have to say, but I stand by my truth." She neither hides, nor apologizes, for sharing these intimate moments, and by doing so, conquers the demons of silence that have haunted her for so many years. The road to emotional health for Melissa was riddled with self-doubt, an unhealthy attraction to controlling, manipulative women, a desperate need to be loved, and other stumbling blocks, but in the end, she seems to find a peace and happiness within.

As the book draws to a close, we find Melissa standing on the precipice of a new life as a single woman, continuing the role as mother to her beautiful children, preparing to launch a new album, "Skin," and a new world tour. By writing "The Truth Is..." Melissa Etheridge has once again written a missive guaranteed to touch a soul, just as her songs have for so many years. Maybe not with music we hear with our ears, but definitely feel with our heart.

The many photos delighted me, both professional and candid home shots, interspersed among the chapters. She tells how together, with the help of long time friend David Crosby, she and Julie were able to create an alternative family. Unfortunately things have fallen apart, but Melissa and Julie have back-to-back homes so the children can have some semblance of unity in their lives, even though their mothers have parted. I was touched by her words on page 208, when she talks about the dismantling of their home and life, after their break-up. A hot water tank in the attic broke, and the water just poured down from the ceilings. She writes: "We were moving and our house was crying."

I have to admit it was an odd read, and not like any other book I have ever read but it was interesting and Melissa's honesty was enjoyable. I have to give her credit for following her heart and being strong enough to deal with the repercussions as the world looks on. The best in love and life to you Melissa, you are an incredible individual. Kelsana 9/14/01