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How to Good-bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way? Paperback – July 24, 2000

by Hiroyuki Nishigaki (Author)
4.1 out of 5 stars 69 customer reviews
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 252 pages
  • Publisher: iUniverse (July 24, 2000)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0595094724
  • ISBN-13: 978-0595094721
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.6 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 15.7 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (69 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #466,892 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

608 of 631 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 starsI actually bought the damn book
By Thierry Nguyen on February 21, 2001
Format: Paperback
In a flurry of humor, depression, and morbid curiosity, I actually went and bought this damn book. I haven't read it cover to cover, but I've digested a good chunk of it. A significant portion of it is dedicated to reprinting USENET posts, where Nishigaki posts his ideas to a depression newsgroup, and every other poster gets completely and utterly baffled. The first few chapters are just this sense of back and forth. Then it launches into heavy theory, written in that zesty sense of "Engrish" as seen in the description. Its method for combating depression is something that I have yet to even consider trying, but as a general humor book, this is probably one of the funniest and most bizarre reads you'll encounter. I still randomly open to a page, read it, and feel better about whatever the heck was bringing me down in the first place. Get this book for comedy, not for advice.
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242 of 259 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 starsA method to the madness?
By STEVEN F. SCHARFF on November 27, 2004
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Okay, I bought this book because of the "Engrish" translation. It appears to have been laterally translated from Japanese to English (like the Japanese term for "Carousel" is literally "pony toy go round"). I read it, and I had quite a few laughs, mainly at the surrealism of the language.

But I decided to try the methods described in the book. Anal constrition and stomach compression, 100 times a day for several days.

At the risk of seeming disgusting, permit me to say that several days after I started this practice, I experienced what was probably the largest bowel movement in my life. I've also lost a few inches around the waistline and my energy level seems to be rising.

Perhaps there's some wisdom in this book after all!
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105 of 114 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 starsThe Effective Way!
By David Chong on December 12, 2010
Format: Paperback
This book is easily one of the top five publications available on the market today addressing anti-depressant anus constriction. The book also alludes to additional benefits, including reverse aging and sexual potency.

The book does an excellent job of covering the following topics:

* Anus constriction

I highly recommend this book.
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231 of 259 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 starsHilarious!! Buy it now!!
By Brian Williamson on April 21, 2001
Format: Paperback
I've only had this book for a day or so, and I haven't even thought about reading it from start to finish, but it is pretty gosh darn funny. At the end of the book, the author (Niroyuki Nishigaki) thanks everyone for "finishing reading what I have written in bad English." Bad English indeed! I'll share one of my favorite lines with you and if you think it's funny, I suggest you purchase this book.
"Besides shooting out a big blank from your buttock, you can feel as if your root chakra leaked sweet hot mucus."
That line doesn't make any sense, but it's pretty great. Sometimes I like to open the book up to random pages and read passages for a good laugh. Enjoy!
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165 of 188 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 starsNOT Malarkey, Effective Way!
By A Customer on August 1, 2002
Format: Paperback
As I sit here typing this, while constricting my anus, I can't help but consider how thoughtful and timely this book was. I ALREADY am reaping the benefits of Mr. Nishigaki's "anal-fountain-of-youth", even though it has only been a short morning's-worth of anus constriction.
I have quickly begun to "erase my bad sticky feeling", and am feverishly working on the "secret of shooting out [my] immaterial fibers or third attention to [my] work from [my] body".
With focused effort, and continued application, I have no doubt that I'll soon be "making * * * three times in succession without drawing out."
A lovely treatise on the power of positive-sphincking.
PS Added bonus; if all goes well, I'll be able to use my anus as a pencil sharpener....
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56 of 63 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 starsShoot Out Your Super High Speed Third Attention to a Star!
By Robert I. Hedges HALL OF FAMETOP 500 REVIEWER on September 27, 2003
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Shoot out your super high speed third attention to a star, erase stickiness and other wonders are yours if you simply practice the tenants in this book by Hiroyuki Nishigaki, who also wrote the stirring sequel to this book, "Rejuvenation and Unveiled Hidden Phenix: Carlos Castaneda Shamanism Plus Alpha After His Death," which is even less coherent, if you can believe it.
Having been a student of bad grammar and compositional ineptitude since I first found the works of Pedro Carolino, I was compelled to read this book, and I was not disappointed. In this book you will find an appalling lack of respect for the English language, a zero coherence quotient and delicately turned phrases that would be impossible for a lesser astral being than Mr. Nishigaki. If you delight in all such inept manifestations you will love this book.
That isn't the only reason to be fond of the book, though. The entire premise of the book is absolutely ridiculous. Basically his premise boils down to this: the key to health, happiness, and a long life is to have six bowel movements a day, to dent your navel 100 times a day, and to constrict your anus 100 times a day, or in the words of Mr. Nishigaki: " Denting navel and constricting anus 100 times everyday is the most effective to make the fire burn from within." (It works for me!)
If you enjoy the truly outlandish, this is an excellent place to start.
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19 of 19 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 starsFeelin' Blue? Constrict a Few!
By Zolton on July 19, 2011
Format: Paperback
Everyone gets a little sad now and then; it's just part of life. But when I'm feeling angsty and emo, I don't want to wallow in it, or find the cure at the bottom of six pints of Cherry Garcia. Nor am I interested in paying some guy three bills an hour to lie on his couch and debate whether his ink blot collection resembles Russell Brand Chia pets or my mother's wahooga.

I figured there had to be a quick fix pick-me-up, somewhere in all of the products that Amazon sells.

I was so happy to find this product, because I want to good-bye depression. I want to good-bye depression very many!

I was a little startled to find that the secret to good-bye depression is "constricting anus 100 times and denting navel 100 times in succession everyday". It seemed a little far-fetched and unorthodox, sure -- but any more so than the "power of positive thinking" or "letting go and accepting what is"? Hardly.

The exercises take a bit of getting used to -- and probably shouldn't be practiced in public, or after any kind of starchy meal -- but I have to say, they seem to help. When you can manage to do something so patently ridiculous and random every single day, it's difficult to find anxiety or stress in basically anything else. The funk just sort of melts away.

So maybe an apple a day keeps the doctor away. But for depression and gloom, a hundred "suck-and-puckers" every morning seems to do the trick, too. To good-bye depression happy love man!
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Most Recent Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5 starsEffective Way, NOT Malarkey!

Helped me grow 20 years younger. 10/10 - IGN

Published 5 months ago by Karena Virginia
3.0 out of 5 starsThree Stars

terrible book with weird permise and a must read for psychologist

Published 5 months ago by Amazon Customer
1.0 out of 5 starsOne Star

Stupid.

Published 6 months ago by deborah zaretsky
5.0 out of 5 starsit wes god bek for yer

i reead book.

Published 10 months ago by Darren
1.0 out of 5 starsOne Star

ok

Published 10 months ago by Glasses123
5.0 out of 5 starsA go-to remedy

This is the most hilarious self-help book I have ever read. If you are feeling deeply upset, dark, or even just slightly moody, spend a few minutes reading any given random page in... Read more

Published 10 months ago by Paula Stewart
5.0 out of 5 starsFive Stars

Before I read this book, I never constricted my anus.

Published 13 months ago by Maeva
5.0 out of 5 starsEverything I expected it to be.

This is the best collection of pidgin English bunkum and baffled USENET responses I've ever read. Word limits guarantee quality.

Published 21 months ago by Chris Reece
5.0 out of 5 starsABSOLUTELY LOVE IT

I had stress today picking out the types of potato chips to buy at Walmart. Figuring it was Walmart, and no one would care, I pulled my pants down and read three chapters of this... Read more

Published 23 months ago by Patrick Brazil
4.0 out of 5 starsDeeply probing!

Anus constriction is nothing new, yet I highly recommend Mr. Nishigaki's thought provoking and deeply probing book. Read more

Published on December 16, 2013 by Jamesvreitano

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