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Fondling Your Muse: Infallible Advice From a Published Author to the Writerly Aspirant
 
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Fondling Your Muse: Infallible Advice From a Published Author to the Writerly Aspirant (Hardcover)

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4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
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  • This item: Fondling Your Muse: Infallible Advice From a Published Author to the Writerly Aspirant by John Warner

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Editorial Reviews

Product Description

A note from the author: "Writing is a solitary and often scary enterprise. I alone have heard your silent screams, so I have written this book to help you achieve what everyone who has the courage to live the creative life deserves: complete, utter, slavish adoration and worship. Also: incalculable wealth that insulates you from the concerns of ordinary people."

And there you have it. Fondling Your Muse is John Warner's innovative and slightly insane book of instruction for those who want to write, and those who think they already can. It's packed with quirky (possibly deranged) advice guaranteed to make you laugh out loud in the most embarrassing fashion possible. You know what we mean. It also includes a special chapter entitled "Everything Stephen King Knows About Writing Successfully: Plus Some Things I Know That He Doesn't Because He Isn't That Special." No other book currently available has this chapter!

And Fondling Your Muse provides the kind of wise, insightful guidance that's missing from all of those self-serious, mind-numbingly awful books that promise riches and fame by writing only 20 minutes a day.

Let's say you're looking for a tried-and-true recipe for literary success. Warner reveals all of the best ones, including these succulent concoctions:

* Contemporary Romance Quiche al la Nicholas Sparks ("Tasty with a side of hackneyed potatoes.") * Tom Clancy Techno-Thriller Surprise ("Preparation is usually subcontracted to others.") * Chick-Lit Cacciatore ("Satisfies many, every single time. I can't explain how either.") * Harlequin Romance Salad ("Thoroughly rip bodices, pound prose until purple, and combine all ingredients in a large mixing bowl.") * John Grisham's Legal Thriller Stew ("Boil in pot until ingredients bubble over line of believability.") * Contemporary American Literary Fiction Flambe ("Served in smaller and smaller quantities as the years go by.")

Mmmm...tasty.

Even really famous people endorse Warner's work:

"Fondling Your Muse is brilliant in the same way the most distant stars in the galaxy are brilliant. If it's a really clear night and you tilt your head to the side and squint, you sort of see it." -- Dave Eggers

It doesn't get any better than that. So go ahead - get Fondling today!



About the Author

So who is John Warner? John Warner is the editor of McSweeney's Internet Tendency and the co-author, with Kevin Guilfoile, of the best-seller My First Presidentiary: A Scrapbook by George W. Bush. His work has been published in McSweeney's quarterly journal, Modern Humorist, Salon.com, and Zoetrope, among others. He is also an editor of the McSweeney's humor anthology, Created in Darkness by Troubled Americans.

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 224 pages
  • Publisher: Writers Digest Books (September 15, 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1582973482
  • ISBN-13: 978-1582973487
  • Product Dimensions: 7.4 x 5.3 x 0.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
  • Amazon.com Sales Rank: #754,736 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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More About the Author

John Warner
Discover books, learn about writers, read author blogs, and more.

› Visit Amazon's John Warner Page

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Customer Reviews

19 Reviews
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Average Customer Review
4.1 out of 5 stars (19 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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25 of 29 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars A very good read, October 5, 2005
By TheCafeWriter (Chicago, IL USA) - See all my reviews
(TOP 1000 REVIEWER)      
Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This book dishes up the same writing old writing advice in a fresh, funny, and original way. For example, instead of saying the familiar "Turn off the TV," he enthusiastically suggests TiVo as a time management tool. He also responds to Stephen King's writing suggestions such as "Remove every extraneous word." His response: "Idea. Good. This one." Even if you already know all this, "Fondling Your Muse" is still insightful, ironic, and highly entertaining. You won't find any writing exercises or basic, dry definitions of omniscient point of view, or recommendations to keep a journal, but at the very least, it's inspiring stuff.

(Caution: if you're a fan of Ann Coulter or certain tax cuts, this book may not be for you.)
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10 of 11 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Matchless! (in the realm of humorous books on writing-advice), February 13, 2006
By James Yeh (Brooklyn, NY, USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
John Warner's Fondling Your Muse is an uncommonly funny and clever book. Written by the editor of McSweeney's Internet Tendency, this book is not a straight-ahead 12-step program on how to become a writer. If you couldn't tell that from the tone of the title, you probably aren't going to enjoy the book. That said, if you did "get" it, this book will hit the funny bone often and directly, leaving your elbow feeling numb and tingly (in a good way).

The book often made me laugh out loud. Its tone, to over-generalize, is basically an ironic smarty-pants meets silly grade schooler (which, as can be expected, quite similar to that of McSweeney's Internet Tendency). What I liked best about the book is that, while taking numerous jabs at anyone from Oprah, to Stephen King, to John Updike, to Gee Dubya, to Hillary Clinton, Warner never seems snarky or mean. The tone remains playful as Warner's tongue is held firmly in cheek, and the result in a book that is pretty much delightful in its entirety. As one who Warner would deem "writerly aspirant", I found the book to be dead-on when it comes to characterizing the various writer stereotypes, conversations, and mindsets. This is the perfect gift for your friend who dreams of writing, yet is able to take her/himself not-so seriously. Even those who aren't planning on writing the Great American Novel or publishing volumes of their nature poetry can, I think, appreciate this book.
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Wear Depends when reading this book, December 30, 2005
By Chris (Maine) - See all my reviews
Being a writer,I bought this book thinking it would give me pointers and help with the epiphanies that writers sometimes get if they're lucky. It DOES give pointers (some of them a poke in the eye)and is a real good book to sit down and enjoy. It is so funny that I recommend wearing Depends and bracing your ribs with a pillow before you start reading. Yes, it's that good. THis is the funniest book on writing I've found yet (and I am a biblophile). I recommend this book even if you are not a writer or never have given it any thought. You'll enjoy it anyway.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5 stars Do It For Your Muse
Dazzling, devious, delicious. Like a twelve layer devil's food cake that gives you the pure unadulterated joy of fulfillment and then turns your intestines to goop. Read more
Published 4 months ago by Bethany Woody

2.0 out of 5 stars The Cult of McSweeney's skunks me again.
John Warner, Fondling Your Muse (Writer's Digest, 2005)

I was unaware, until faced with the cover of this book, that Warner was the editor of McSweeney's, and as... Read more
Published on May 11, 2007 by Robert P. Beveridge

5.0 out of 5 stars Sense of humor required (aka I Loved It!)
First, I caution those looking for more in-depth advice on actually writing a decent novel to choose a more serious, mainstream tome--this ain't it! Read more
Published on April 24, 2007 by Lesly Auerbach

5.0 out of 5 stars Fabulous!
People must have thought I was losing my mind, as they passed while I was reading this book to pass some time before work. Read more
Published on December 27, 2006 by Robin L. Supples

1.0 out of 5 stars Not What It Appears To Be
I gave this book one star because you can't give no stars. Like other reviewers, I am taking this book back to the store. Read more
Published on December 8, 2006 by Margaret DeAngelis

5.0 out of 5 stars Oddly Helpful...A Must-Buy!
As a writerly aspirant, I found this book to be both oddly helpful, and a must-buy.

It was oddly helpful in a way not unlike when you're reading a gut-bustingly funny... Read more
Published on October 8, 2006 by Emily Macdonald

5.0 out of 5 stars It's a jungle out there
What Mr. Warner has ______ is the first ______ tome of the new millennium a ______, ______ good refrence book which ______ the field. Read more
Published on August 8, 2006 by Jessica Gokenbach

4.0 out of 5 stars Ha, Ha? or Ha HA! That is the question for you writers out there....
I saw the title and thought, "I am not so sure about
this one...." and found myself angry at first for
the author's insatiable ability to be so obnoxious... Read more
Published on January 28, 2006 by Julie Jordan Scott

5.0 out of 5 stars A helpful witnessing of the African diaspora that will leave you staggered!
A helpful witnessing of the African diaspora that will leave you staggered!
Published on January 10, 2006 by M. Titolo

5.0 out of 5 stars No Doubt a Wonderful Read
I have not read this book, but based on what a friend's nephew told me about it, I may enjoy it. I look forward to possibly getting this book for my birthday. Read more
Published on January 4, 2006 by Beerzie Boy

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