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OWL POST - Letters to and from Home


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Initial post: Sep 8, 2007 8:26:27 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Aug 30, 2011 1:45:50 PM PDT
TO: Hermione Granger
Hogwarts School
Gryffindor House
4th Year

Hello, Darling -

Daddy and I were thrilled to receive the pictures you sent of the Yule Ball - you looked lovely! Your date Viktor seems a bit glum, but very handsome.
I'm sorry that your evening was spoiled a bit by Ron Weasley - when we saw them at the train station, his parents seemed very nice. I expect he's just not very comfortable around girls, with all those brothers and one sister; don't take it to heart.

Anyway, I just wanted to make sure you're feeling all right. Dad and I are BOTH qualified dentists, you know; are you sure that having your teeth altered by magic is absolutely safe and permanent? We'd gladly have you fitted up with braces, if you'd like, though we think you're beautiful just as you are.

Please write soon, dear - the house seems so empty this Christmas, without you here.

All our love - Mum and Dad

In reply to an earlier post on Sep 9, 2007 10:40:12 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on Sep 26, 2007 7:29:58 AM PDT
Harry Potter
Hogwarts School of thingy
Gryffinsomething House
5th year.

Harry,

You moped around all summer. You were positively awful to Dudley just before you left. We heard, by way of this silly owl that you had gotten off free and clear from the Magic whatever. They don't know you the way we do.

You will be here next summer, I suppose, but we want to tell you right now that things had better be different than they were, or we'll contact the Ministry ourselves and have you carted off to Ashcan Prison.

Don't even think about trying this dementor thing on me again. I don't care what Petunia says, I don't believe it's anything but something you think up. Lord Vordymore? You must really think I'm thick!! Just you straighten up. My sister Marge is right, you ought to be sent away. Dudley still can't deal with the things you did to him.

Here is a shilling. Buy a stamp next time.

With waning patience,
Uncle Vernon

In reply to an earlier post on Sep 10, 2007 11:37:38 AM PDT
Absolutely smashing letter Alan, although I couldnt see Vernon sending anything to an M-word school.

In reply to an earlier post on Sep 25, 2007 12:37:48 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Sep 25, 2007 12:40:35 PM PDT
Mr. Vernon Dursley
Plush Armchair
4 Privet Drive
Little Wingdig

Dear Mr. Dursley,
Your probably remember me from the unfortunate mess we made a couple of years ago in your living room. I still regret that.

Reports have reached my ears, however, that you have refused to attend your nephew's upcoming nuptials. Since this concerns my daughter as well, I feel I should tell you a few things about Harry that, from what he says, you do not choose to understand.

Do you remember when you had to go into hiding? The skies were grey all the time, ships were sinking, and the world had run generally amok? Then your protectors sent you home. They even kept you supplied with Butterbeer at your request. Some members of the Wizengamot even came around and restored the damage to your home. This was in gratitude to what Harry had done. It was also the decent thing to do. Did you thank them? No, of course you did not.

That you are back in your home at all is directly due to Harry's sense of decency and goodness. He is such a good boy. From what I have heard, the only person in your family ever to thank him for anything was your overweight son. At least, due to Harry's intervention, you did not lose a son to the evil Lord Voldemort the way I did. But his goodness is inspite of you, not because of you. If you change your mind, you have but to send the enclosed card by regular post - I hear you detest owls. Arrangements can be made to get you to our house.

Harry's new address will be where his godfather used to live. He is having some wonderful renovations made. So, you enjoy your freedoms and safety, if you want, but you owe it to your nephew's unflinching sense of what is good.

Sincerely,
Arthur Weasley

In reply to an earlier post on Sep 27, 2007 10:39:03 AM PDT
Mr. Vernon Dursley
Second-best sofa
No. 4 Privet Drive
Little Wingding
Surrey
England
UK
Earth

Dear Sir:
My godson has probably told you that I, his Godfather, am a convicted criminal. I must stress that, while this is the truth, I was framed; in the wrong place at the wrong time, if you will.

I am SLIGHTLY unstable; I mean, I would probably tear several of your limbs off if I found out, say, that you were mistreating Harry. I'm sure, however, that you are above such juvenile behavior.

Keep this letter our little secret, or I could get rather annoyed at you.

Insincerely,
Sirius Black

In reply to an earlier post on Sep 27, 2007 10:45:54 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on Sep 30, 2007 10:05:25 AM PDT
Mr. Bertram and Mrs. Jane Granger
12 Geranium Ave.
Woodcock Pocket, Twistletale
Bashi-Bashi
Fiddlio-Bezzarutiolee
Dyong Mon Hoyuiui
London
England
UK
Earth

My dear Mr and Mrs Granger:

They've set the date for the 29th--we're so excited! However, there's really no need to put yourself to any bother. I mean, we can handle the decorations and catering and things. I'd be extremely grateful if you would compile a list of invitations, and send them off promptly. We'd like to know how many non-magical guests there will be, because we will have to make arrangements. Wizarding weddings are always a bit of a pain. Anyway, we'll see you on the 27th. We'll be outside Diagon Alley waiting for you.

All the best,
Molly Weasley.

In reply to an earlier post on Sep 30, 2007 9:17:35 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on Sep 30, 2007 10:48:13 AM PDT
Miss Dolores Umbridge
Ministry of Magic

Dear Miss Umbridge,

I wanted to write personally to inform you of your immediate transfer to our Department of Magical Corrections. Your past service has made you the perfect candidate for this location. Unfortunately due to space restrictions your cell, er new work space, will be too small to accommodate many personal items. Have no fear the Ministry shall provide you with work clothes but I do ask that you bring your special quill with you. I understand it is very useful for writing lines and your new position will require you to complete many reports filling uncountable lines per each parchment.

Regards,
Minister Shacklebolt

In reply to an earlier post on Sep 30, 2007 10:05:03 AM PDT
Miss Dolores Umbridge
Department of Magical Corrections

Dear Miss Umbridge,

Please disregard any letters you may have received from Ministry officials. Please place yourself under arrest and present yourself to the Wizengamot at 9:00 sharp on Tuesday. You are charged with the following:

Hate Crimes against Muggles, Werewolves, and other non-Wizard part-humans.

Conspiracy to use an Unforgiveable Curse

15 Counts of torture

Undue Force

Battery

Assault

Regards,
Draco Malfoy

Head, Department of Magical Law Enforcement

In reply to an earlier post on Sep 30, 2007 11:19:25 AM PDT
Mr. Draco Malfoy
Head, Department of Magical Laws Enforcement
Ministry of Magic

Dear Mr. Malfoy,

At first I was delighted to hear from you. As a former member of my inquisition at Hogwarts, I considered you a promising wizard of some talent. But now it appears you have allied yourself with that Harry Potter. I cannot imagine how you could do that.

I know things about you, young man, and i . . .
Ow, my hand is beginning to sting. Let me change quills.

There - I know things about you, young man, and I know what your mission - Owwww!

Well, I won't begin to submit to your little power play. Who do you think - good heavens, my hand is bleeding - do you think you are?

Who could possibly have charged me with such awful crimes as you indicate? Oh, I have to stop now. This is too painful.

Belligerently yours,
Delores Umbridge

p.s. Oh! I hear horse hooves outside my door.

In reply to an earlier post on Oct 3, 2007 2:35:42 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Oct 3, 2007 2:56:24 PM PDT
chsplr says:
Miss Dolores Umbridge
Someplace You don't ever want to know anything about
Azkaban Prison
Azkaban Island (Uncharted)
North Sea
International Waters

Dear Miss Umbridge,

I have been following your rehabilitation with great interest. I want you to understand that we all have only the best of wishes for you, especially some of those who were so intimately involved with you and your interrogation tactics with Dementors, and your kitty-cat patronis. You should be happy to know that while we get howlers two to three times a week demanding that you be subjected to Dementors, a strong voice of a former student of yours Hermione Weasley (Granger) has been able to maintain the ban on further use of Dementors at Azkaban. I find this ironic as both she and most of her supporters are either squibs or muggleborn just like the ones you persecuted and tried to destroy. Funny how so many "pure bloods" who you seemed to think was your kind of people would like to see your soul turned into "Dementor Kibble".

Take heart, with a substantial change on your part, you may someday be allowed to leave Azkaban prison, a model of society! If you don't change, well we Aurors are used to people who are not interested in their own best self interest and instead endeavor to find there way back into Azkaban.

Very truly yours,

Harry Potter
Chief inspector,
Auror Division

P.S. Take heart, I know that it is terrible there, but I can assure you, you are much much safer where you are at as there are many people who would like turn you into dinner for a blast end skrewt.

In reply to an earlier post on Oct 3, 2007 5:07:27 PM PDT
Mr. Harry James Potter
Head Auror, Auror Office
Ministry of Magic
AND
Editor and Member of the Board
Quibbler Magazine
AND
Professor, Defense Against the Dark Arts
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Oh, pooh, I've ran out of ink. Jimbles.

Oh, well. I'll BE BACK!

Unfaithfully mine,

Dolores Jane [Indistinguishable]

In reply to an earlier post on Oct 15, 2007 6:22:42 AM PDT
Mr. Harry Potter, Head of Auror Department
Ministry of Magic

Dear Harry,

I thought you'd be wanting to know that there are four new foals in the centaur herd. They didn't want me ta know, but I found out anyways. They're cute lilttle things they are, too. Two of them are boys and two are girls. You'll be surprised to hear what it is that they called 'em. Hermione, Ron, Ginny and Harry. Hermione has a bushy mane. Ron and Ginny both have reddish hair. But Harry, ya might know, has black hair. But here's the fun part, ya know, he has a little birthmark on his head an' it's shaped like a lightning bolt! Firenze said that the moment they saw that - an he was first born - they knew they had ta call 'im Harry.

I'm almost crying just thinkin' about 'im. He makes me miss you guys a lot. I miss out little chats. Listen, if'n you guys ever get to Hogwarts on a visit, Grawp and I would be more'n pleased to have you come an visit in me new place. Well, after that fire and with Grawp bein' a bit bigger'n me, we had to build new now, didn't we.

Hagrid

In reply to an earlier post on Oct 24, 2007 7:31:03 PM PDT
I'm replying again to get this discussion forward. This is a fun group of "letters" and there ought to be more people out there who want to be the "voice" of characters in the books. Go for it!

In reply to an earlier post on Oct 26, 2007 10:41:57 AM PDT
Mr Ronald Weasley
c/o Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes
Diagon Alley

Dear Mr Weasley,

Please allow me to introduce myself, Rita Skeeter reporter for the Daily Prophet. I regret that we have not had the opportunity to chat during my many visits to Hogwarts. I would like to do an in depth article on your struggles and of course triumphs over you-know-who and his death eaters.
I am sure you have read my work including my novel about former headmaster Albus Dumbledore (on sale now at Flourish and Botts!). Perhaps we can set up an appointment for today to get your take on the recent tragedies and to snap a few photos. By the way, you are not still acquainted with a Hermione Grange are you? Oh - never the matter. I shall see you shortly!

Miss Rita Skeeter
Author Extraordinare
Reporter, Daily Prophet

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 2, 2007 2:28:39 PM PDT
Ronald Weasley
The Burrow

Dear Ron,

My parents and I should be back from Australia this week. Did you get your owl from Hogwarts yet? I can't believe they will let us take our NEWTs as a special test this summer. I have already started studying! Of course the Defense Against the Dark Arts will be the easiest test even if they do test us on the background of the spells considering all we have done. I am worried about Arithmancy though as I barely looked at the books this past year.

We need to set up some study time with Harry, as well as with the students who spent most of the past year in the Room of Requirement. I will send out owls to everyone!

Hermione

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 3, 2007 5:42:32 AM PDT
Hermione Granger
Heathrow Airport
Baggage Claim for flight from Australia

Dear Hermione,

Study? Are you mental? After what we've gone through, what don't we already know? I mean, the three of us have dealt with just about any kind of dark arts we could have. You can't get much darker than he-who-must-not-be-named. Sorry, I still can't write his name.

I received an interesting letter from Rita Skeeter just ahead of your owl. She hasn't learned a thing. All that time as Beetle Skeetle taught her nothing. I guess we knew that from her Dumbledore Biography. But she wanted me to take credit for the things Harry did. She also wondered if I was still friends with you. I told her I was still very good friends with both you and Harry, and I would grant her no interviews, because my friends come first.

So today's Prophet has an article by her saying that I refuse to take credit for the things I did, things that Mr. Potter and Miss Granger couldn't do. I'm enclosing the clipping. Dad is investigating ways to make her quit lying, but I told him you'd been working on a new spell: Bocca veritum - a sort of verbal version of veritaserum. He was quite interested.

His arm is better. That cut he got from working on the motorbike has taken too long to heal.

Hurry back. I've got lots more to tell.

Love,
Ron

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 10, 2007 8:37:42 AM PST
Harry Potter
Second bedroom of new addition
c/o the Burrow

Harry,
How nice that you are getting married. I guess that makes it even more certain that you won't be coming back to disturb us again. Of course Petunia and I will NOT be attending the wedding. You won't receive any gifts either. I think we gave you quite enough, and your lack of gratitude for our sacrifices still bothers me very much.

As to Dudley, well, he insists that he wants to come to the wedding. He's old enough to make up his own mind. He thinks he would like someone to come get him and to fly him there on a broom. So you can see that your oddity is rubbing off on him! If you think you can corrupt him into being a wiz-thingy, I can assure you that you won't! We took care of that with Dumbledore long ago. But never mind about that.

It took three months after we returned home to get our house back in order. Those fermenters, death eaters, or whatever they're called, did quite a number on our house. Your room was literally destroyed! I don't know if we'll ever get it quite back to normal. The Ministry of Magic - and you know I hate using that word even in a letter - helped to set things right, but I'm afraid that if I touch something I'll balloon up like Marge did that time you spelled her.

I must go to work. Aunt Petunia sends her love, though I don't know why. You may, I suppose, come around to visit us after you marry. I'd like to meet this Ginny Weasley. Does she have red hair like her brothers and father?

Could you, by the way, bring a large quantity of Butterbeer. I grew rather fond of it when we were in hiding. (That was your fault, too.)

As ever,
Vernon Dursley

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 12, 2007 1:26:26 PM PST
Alan once again I gotta say you are pure genius. That was a great letter. I have been wanting to make a letter for this thread for a while but i couldn't think of a topic. Thanks for giving me one.

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 12, 2007 1:42:31 PM PST
Rita Skeeter
Daily Prophet Newspaper
London, England

Dear Rita

I am so sorry to hear that you haven't gotten over your little "bug" lately. Just so you know, we heard all about your scheme to humiliate Harry and me. For the record, Ms. Skeeter, Harry, Ron, and I are family. We're a team, and we won't sell each other out for some low-life, belly crawler like you. I know very well that you were granted amnesty for being an animagi by the Ministry of Magic after the days of Voldemort due to your undercover work to exposed Death Eaters still practicing Dark Arts, both real and imagined. I also know that you tried to put away more innocent wizards than guilty in order to boost your approval ratings.

Please understand that there is more than one way to squash a bug and I will have no qualms stamping you out if you ever mess with my family again.

And if you're thinking of a way to get revenge against me now, I sincerely urge you to take a look at a few tales from the "Beedle" of the Bard to help drive the lesson home.

Sincerely,

Hermione Granger

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 13, 2007 7:28:19 AM PST
Stephanie, I loved the twist at the end. It sounds so like Hermione. I think JKR should take this thread and expand it with a whole book of OWL posts. Vermis, isn't it about time for you to re-enter the postal service with a message of your own. You started this entertaining thread.

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 13, 2007 5:50:44 PM PST
Alan - have one I want to post, but it entails the dreaded Research <shudder!> - Spending time trying to get ready for another craft show.
Thanks for asking, tho - I'll try, if no one beats me to it 1st!

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 14, 2007 1:08:25 PM PST
I'll look forward to it. Amazon is making it difficult to keep finding these HARRY POTTER forums.

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 28, 2007 6:44:50 AM PST
Vermis, you still haven't posted the new letter yet.

Petunia Dursley
Privet Drive
Little Whingig

Mrs. Dursley,
I am sure that you remember me from when we were both children. Professor Dumbledore has made it clear that you are taking care of Harry Potter's upbringing. While that is an admirable gesture - one for which I am certain Professor Dumbledore used strong persuasion - I must admit that you have done him a great disservice. By that, I do not refer to the mere fact that he has been raised in your house. I refer to the total ignorance he has of anything relating to magic, notably potions.

When an insufferable young woman like Hermione Granger can come to Hogwarts and know so much about everything - gleaned from many books - it seems almost criminal that someone born of a mother who was a witch and a father who, despite his many other faults, was a passable wizard, should have no idea whatsoever about anything.

True it is that he has been learning - quite slowly - but he has quite a reputation in the wizarding world, thanks to the Dark Lord, and that reputation is totally unearned. He is woefully behind all the other students. His luck in tackling a few problems in the last few years does not prepare him for the things he needs to know. I hope there is a way you can rectify this matter, as I am appalled to think he is Lily's child.

Yours,
Severus Snape

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 28, 2007 10:08:46 AM PST
Last edited by the author on Nov 28, 2007 11:22:52 AM PST
C. Wiley says:
Severus Snape
School Of Freaks

Dear Sir,
How dare you send my wife this ruddy owl pertaining to that odd ball of a boy. He is in your school now with your kind, so there for your responsibility to teach him not ours.

We where more then willing to send him to a fine public academy for boys. We have been more then generous in our efforts to help him in spite of his irregularity's. It is not our job to teach or help him with making perfumes (how this can help any one in later life I know not).

Vernen Dursley

Ps. Do not send us any more bloody owls (unless it is news of Harry's demise)

In reply to an earlier post on Nov 28, 2007 11:43:06 AM PST
FUNNY. That letter from Vernon is spot on!
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