I agree with the comments that there is a needy person in the relationship that the other finds fulfillment, satisfaction, and completion in trying to save. I also agree with the comments that mention we may gravitate toward certain types of relationships unconsciously. An example of this is that I had a friend that didn't consume alcohol but her parents were borderline alcoholics. She grew up in this household which may have affected her emotional development. When she dated she almost always had relationships with borderline alcoholic guys.
Someone brought up an interesting point a few years ago in a conversation that desire is a healthy emotion that most everyone has and that when that desire goes unfulfilled it turns to desperation to fill its void which was explained as an unhealthy emotion. Often when a person is unhappy and unfulfilled in some way they may attract a desperate person that bears an uncanny resemblance to themselves at that moment, ie you are what you attract.
If you find yourself attracting the wrong person then it is best to try and become your best self. Because I think that nature and nurture have such a profound effect on development I don't think it is possible to change how you are rather you may better learn who you are, manage behaviors, and better embrace those that are not like you. I think often we learn who we really are after being married and having a family only to realize that the person you married is not who you thought they were if only we knew our own selves in time. Good luck original poster.
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