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Trolls, Lonely, Forgotten, No More


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Posted on Jun 12, 2012 8:13:30 AM PDT
[Deleted by the author on Jul 5, 2012 6:55:54 PM PDT]

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 12, 2012 8:39:36 AM PDT
Mornin' B.
Did all go well at the doctor yesterday?

-----------------------------------------

Q: Why are men like public toilets?
A: Because all the good ones are engaged and the only ones left are full of carp.

Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.

Posted on Jun 12, 2012 8:43:39 AM PDT
[Deleted by the author on Jul 5, 2012 6:58:25 PM PDT]

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 12, 2012 8:47:55 AM PDT
I'm so glad to hear that B.
Summer colds are the worst.

Posted on Jun 12, 2012 8:48:48 AM PDT
[Deleted by the author on Jul 5, 2012 6:58:14 PM PDT]

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 12, 2012 8:52:15 AM PDT
I just answered you on the Poetic thread. ; )
My Søde Dane is back!

Posted on Jun 12, 2012 9:42:57 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on Jun 12, 2012 9:54:12 AM PDT
The Fence

A husband and wife are out for a drive through the countryside. They reach a familiar spot and the wife says: "Sweetheart, let's do the same thing we did here 40 years ago!" The husband stops the car. He backs his wife up against the fence, and he immediately jumps her like a bass on a Junebug. They make love like never before.
She was SCREAMING and GYRATING, and SHAKING uncontrollably.

When it was over, much to her husband's surprise, she FAINTED! After he revived her and got her back into the car, the husband, quite astounded, says: "Darlin', you sure never reacted like that 40 years ago-or ANYTIME SINCE that I can remember."

The woman, gasping for breath, is finally able to speak. She says: "FORTY YEARS AGO, THAT D@MNED FENCE WASN'T ELECTRIFIED!

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 12, 2012 11:19:53 AM PDT
[Deleted by the author on Jul 5, 2012 6:58:00 PM PDT]

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 12, 2012 1:34:20 PM PDT
Was that YOU I saw Happy Dancing..... naked... in the periwinkles B?
---------------------------------------------------------

Q: How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
A: Nobody knows, it hasn't happened yet.

Posted on Jun 12, 2012 1:46:38 PM PDT
[Deleted by the author on Jul 5, 2012 6:57:46 PM PDT]

Posted on Jun 12, 2012 1:47:40 PM PDT
[Deleted by the author on Jul 5, 2012 6:57:33 PM PDT]

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 12, 2012 1:53:40 PM PDT
Froggies all gone. : D

In reply to an earlier post on Jun 12, 2012 4:31:23 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Jun 12, 2012 5:20:26 PM PDT
For the B. ; )
----------------------------------------------------------
HEADACHE

Husband and wife were sitting at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up and goes to the cupboard. He brings back a bottle of tylenol and a glass of water. He places it in front of his wife.
Wife says "what's that for? I don`t have a headache."
Husband says "GOTCHA!"
-----------------------------------------------------------
Men are like lava lamps.
Fun to look at but not all that bright.

Posted on Jun 12, 2012 5:30:23 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Jun 12, 2012 9:22:53 PM PDT
B In A Field Of Periwinkles
by She Who Hates Frogs

B dancing naked in the periwinkles,
His hair blowin' in the wind.
In his eyes you'll see a mischievous twinkle,
And on his face you'll see a grin.

Holds out his hands...inviting us all,
To join him in a dance.
Come on he says, we'll have a ball,
You'll see, just take a chance.

Throwing our clothes down on the ground,
We begin to swing & sway.
We all hold hands and spin around,
Our laughter heard miles away.

Posted on Jun 13, 2012 7:25:36 AM PDT
[Deleted by the author on Jul 5, 2012 6:57:17 PM PDT]

Posted on Jun 13, 2012 7:27:47 AM PDT
[Deleted by the author on Jul 5, 2012 6:57:08 PM PDT]

Posted on Jun 13, 2012 7:35:15 AM PDT
[Deleted by the author on Jul 5, 2012 6:56:57 PM PDT]

Posted on Jun 13, 2012 7:40:22 AM PDT
[Deleted by the author on Jul 5, 2012 6:56:46 PM PDT]

Posted on Jun 13, 2012 7:49:10 AM PDT
Paint The Porch

A not so bright guy, wanting to earn some money, decided to try to find some handyman-type work and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. He went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for him to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The guy said "How about 50 dollars?"
The homeowner agreed and told him that the paint and ladders that he might need were in the garage. The homeowner's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does he realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The homeowner replied, "He should. He was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the guy came to the door to collect his money. "You're finished already?" the homeowner asked.
"Yes," the guy answered, and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the homeowner reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the guy added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Posted on Jun 13, 2012 8:01:01 AM PDT
[Deleted by the author on Jul 5, 2012 6:56:32 PM PDT]

Posted on Jun 13, 2012 8:05:29 AM PDT
[Deleted by the author on Jul 5, 2012 6:56:16 PM PDT]

Posted on Jun 13, 2012 8:14:53 AM PDT
This "Dame" is gonna getcha B. : )
-----------------------------------------
There are some people who should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm stupid."

It's like before my husband and I moved from Bay Shore to Coram...our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway.
The guy next door comes over and says, "Hey, You moving?"
"Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week. Just to see how many boxes it takes. -----> "Here's your sign."

Last summer I went fishing with a buddy of mine. We pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?"
"Nope. Talked 'em into giving up. -----> " Here's your sign."

Posted on Jun 14, 2012 6:53:07 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on Jun 14, 2012 8:33:51 AM PDT
WHERE'S MY B?????
-------------------------
I tried to give the B a kiss,
You ducked in time & so I missed.
So then I tried to hug the B,
You jumped back so that you were free.
What's wrong I ask, do I smell bad?
Did I say something to make you mad?
Don't turn away, please talk to me,
I ask you down on bended knee.
If you are sad or feeling blue,
I've got a shoulder just for you.
Your Lil Devil is ever here,
Always your friend, always near.
---------------------------------

Posted on Jun 14, 2012 6:58:16 AM PDT
Mary had a little lamb,
Whose fleece was white as snow
And everywhere that Mary went
The lamb was sure to go.

But then one day the lamb was gone
It is the worst I fear
'Cause Mary's got a new wool shawl
And chops to last the year.

Posted on Jun 19, 2012 11:01:21 AM PDT
Pay close attention to this B ---->
-----------------------------------------------------------------
The Male Point System:
In the world of romance, one single rule applies.... Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects...Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS:
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy (-5)
Named Tiffany (-100)
Tiffany is a dancer (-250)
Tiffany has implants (-500)

HER BIRTHDAY:
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+5)
Okay, it is a sports bar (-10)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-15)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-30)

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS:
Go out with a pal (0)
And the pal is happily married (+5)
Or frighteningly single (-7)
And he drives a Lotus (-10)
With a personalized license plate "GR8 N BED" (-100)

YOUR PHYSIQUE:
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+20)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say "I don't give a damn because you have one too" (-800)

THE BIG QUESTION:
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (0)
You hesitate in responding (-50)
You reply, "Where?" (-500)

COMMUNICATION:
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes (+5)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+10)
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep (-60)
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Discussion in:  Kindle Book forum
Participants:  41
Total posts:  3261
Initial post:  Mar 31, 2012
Latest post:  Jul 29, 2012

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