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FREE Books & Chat - Wed, Mar 26, 2014

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Showing 1-25 of 75 posts in this discussion
Initial post: Mar 25, 2014 11:19:53 PM PDT
Ketta says:
Welcome to Free Books and Chat for Wednesday, March 26, 2014.

Come on in and sit a spell, we're very cheery and love to hear from all our internet friends (and friends-to-be!).
Share a free book link, share a joke, share what's going on in your life -- we're interested! And despite what you may think, we don't find *your* life boring. :)

Now, down to business....

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You are welcome to join us for conversation.
However, self-promotion or posting a link to your book in this area is against Amazon's TOS. If you're looking to promote your work, please go to the "Meet Our Authors", many of us check there as well.

.........THANK YOU FOR FOLLOWING THE RULES..............

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★★ Links To Free Book Resources ★★





You are strongly urged to confirm the price of the book before completing your purchase.
The price displayed on Amazon's website at the time of purchase is the price of the book.

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╰❈╮Link to the FB&C Group Cookbook thread:


╰❈╮Birthday and Anniversary / Template / States - abbreviations and time zones / Slang / How To Link:


Old News.. AKA Yesterdays Thread..

⊱✿ ✿⊰⊹⊱✿ ✿⊰⊹⊱✿ ✿⊰⊹⊱✿ ✿⊰⊹⊱✿ ✿⊰⊹⊱✿ ✿⊰⊹⊱✿ ✿⊰ . ✿⊰⊹⊱✿ ✿⊰⊹⊱✿ ✿⊰⊹⊱✿ ✿⊰

* ⊱✿⊰ FB&C Start Schedule:
DonnaBeeGood - Thursday, March 27 - midnight MST
Kajola - Friday, March 28, start time 11 pm- 1 am EDT
Susan - Saturday, March 29 - Start time 11 pm - 6 am EDT
Red - Sunday, March 30 - Start time around midnight PT
Leo Little - Monday, March 31 - 1 am PDT
Snowlady Sandy- Tuesday, April 1- around 12:00 PT
Ketta - Wednesday, April 2 - around 1am EDT
Snowlady Sandy, Tuesday, April 8- around 1200 PT


.✿. Open Dates:

Thursday, April 3
Friday, April 4
Saturday, April 5
Sunday, April 6
Monday, April 7


*** Please consider volunteering to be a thread starter. ***

Choose an available day, copy/paste schedule into a post and add your info.

⊱✿ ✿⊰⊹⊱✿ ✿⊰⊹⊱✿ ✿⊰⊹⊱✿ ✿⊰⊹⊱✿ ✿⊰⊹⊱✿ ✿⊰⊹⊱✿ ✿⊰ . ✿⊰⊹⊱✿ ✿⊰⊹⊱✿ ✿⊰⊹⊱✿ ✿⊰

FB&C Book Discussion
The next book discussion is scheduled for Thursday, April 3, 2014 at 6:00pm PT.

The book selected is Book of Mercy by Sherry Roberts.

Sorry but it's Not Free any longer..

. ⊱✿ ✿⊰⊹⊱✿ ✿⊰⊹⊱✿ ✿⊰⊹⊱✿ ✿⊰⊹⊱✿ ✿⊰⊹⊱✿ ✿⊰⊹⊱✿ ✿⊰ . ✿⊰⊹⊱✿ ✿⊰⊹⊱✿ ✿⊰⊹⊱✿ ✿⊰

A good book can take you anywhere anytime.... Ann Key

Posted on Mar 25, 2014 11:20:08 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Mar 25, 2014 11:41:07 PM PDT
Ketta says:
One of my favorite types of humor is a pun -- also called paronomasia, it's a form of word play that suggests two or more meanings, by exploiting multiple meanings of words, or of similar-sounding words, for an intended humorous or rhetorical effect. (Thank you Mirriam-Webster) Alfred Hitchcock stated, "Puns are the highest form of literature."

Such as the man who insisted he wouldn't eat rabbit stew, because he didn't like hare in his soup. (Insert groan HERE)

Today, if you have a favorite pun (or any kind of language-related story), please share with us!

Here's one that's very difficult to explain to people who are not primarily English speakers:
Fruit flies like a banana, time flies like an arrow.

Even limericks many times make use of puns:
There once was a young man named Willy
Who acted remarkably silly
At an All-Nations Ball
He wore nothing at all
And swore that his costume was Chile

Here's a great example of punning, from Patrick O'Brian's "Master and Commander: Far Side of the World"
Captain Aubrey: "Do you see those two weevils, Doctor?...Which would you choose?"
Dr. Maturin: "Neither. There's not a scrap of difference between them. They're the same species of Curculio."
Captain Aubrey: "If you had to choose. If you were forced to make a choice. If there were no other option."
Dr. Maturin: "Well, then, if you're going to push me. I would choose the right-hand weevil. It has significant advantage in both length and breadth."
Captain Aubrey: "There, I have you!...Do you not know that in the Service, one must always choose the lesser of two weevils?"

Looking forward to some fun wordplay today!

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 25, 2014 11:42:17 PM PDT
redandwhite says:
Hi Ketta
Thank you for doing the start today - it is obviously going to be a fun day for all of us :-)

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

Posted on Mar 25, 2014 11:44:37 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Mar 26, 2014 12:05:16 AM PDT
Ketta says:
I love it! I knew you'd jump right in, red, thank you...

There once was a girl from Madras
Who had a most remarkable ass
Not rounded and pink
As you might think
But brown, with long ears, and ate grass

These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

What is the difference between a cat and a comma? A cat has claws at the end of its paws, and a comma has a pause at the end of its clause.

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 25, 2014 11:48:23 PM PDT
redandwhite says:
Ketta - I am loving it - though not sure whether I can contribute from work later, they always want me to use the internet for work purposes only :-(
I like your Limerick -really slick

Drivers who speed in the snow often find themselves adrift.

When the Dalmatian ran away, he was spotted two blocks from home.

Posted on Mar 25, 2014 11:53:27 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Mar 25, 2014 11:55:48 PM PDT
Ketta says:
Here's a collection of mostly visual puns, just don't get sucked into the advertising stuck in the list!

Red, I think that's rather unreasonable, don't they know the internet has much more than just work functionality? Just tell them in the interest of today's topic, you're changing payday to playday! ;-)

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 26, 2014 12:06:57 AM PDT
redandwhite says:
@ Ketta
I expect that the site will be 'blocked' at work (so glad I got to catch it before leaving - still laughing) They block many 'dangerous' places like FB and youtube and many others - they are mean but they mean it.

Posted on Mar 26, 2014 12:15:43 AM PDT
redandwhite says:
Two Irish nuns were sitting at traffic light in their car when a bunch of rowdy drunks pulls up alongside of them. "Hey, show us your tits, ye bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks.
The Mother Superior turns to Sister Immaculata, "I don't think they know who we are - show them your cross."
So Sister Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Screw off ye little fookin wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"
Sister Immaculata looks back at the Mother Superior and asks, "Was that cross enough?"

Posted on Mar 26, 2014 12:29:17 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on Mar 26, 2014 12:30:26 AM PDT
Ketta says:
Great one, Red. Did you hear why nuns go out in pairs? So one nun makes sure the other nun don't get none.

Scientists tried crossing an abalone with a crocodile, hoping to get an abadile but ended up with a crocabalone.

A zoo had a camel with no humps named Humphrey.

Biologists have recently produced immortal frogs by removing their vocal cords. They can't croak.

Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?

Then there was the butcher who backed into his meat grinder. He got a little behind in his orders.

Posted on Mar 26, 2014 12:39:44 AM PDT
Sally in SA says:
Good morning Ketta, fun start today:)

I really regretted the inconsiderate comment I made. It was rued

The nudist was acquitted of indecent exposure because nobody could pin the wrap on her.

It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

Posted on Mar 26, 2014 2:23:08 AM PDT
kathy04092 says:
Hey everyone, you're very punny......

I'm heading down to Tennessee to be with my Mom for our special days. She's having some problems with her circulation - chest pain for the first time in 2 years and a non-healing ulcer on her toe. She's scheduled to see a Vascular Surgeon on the day after I go back home - there's a possibility she may need the toe amputated. Hopefully there are other alternatives, but it's doubtful they'll be treating a 97 year old too aggressively.
I have the insulin syringes all set up for DH Carson to give our kitty India her twice daily shots. And yes redandwhite, he does know that one end has the tail (hers is fuzzy) and the other end has the teeth. ;-) not to speak of lots of claws in between the two.
I'll try to pop in on my Kindle Fire from time to time.
Sally in SA...cats are funny when it comes to doing something you want them to. If you act like it doesn't matter if she comes down from the roof, she may do it on her own. Good luck!

So for a limerick, the only one I can think of is one I wrote waaaaay back in high school about a friend. It probably doesn't have the required syllables but my teacher did accept it.

There once was a girl named Parrett
Who decided she liked to eat carrots
But she turned so yellow
She couldn't get a fellow
So she hid way upstairs in a garret.

Posted on Mar 26, 2014 3:13:38 AM PDT
Good morning everyone!

I try to spend less time on-line,but wi-fight it?

Becoming a vegetarian is a missed steak.

Three guys are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but no matches or lighter. What do they do?
They throw one cigarette over board and the boat becomes one cigarette lighter.

Posted on Mar 26, 2014 3:55:16 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on Mar 26, 2014 3:56:07 AM PDT
Ketta says:
Bravo, Sally, Kathy and Printemps!

Who else would like to play? :D

I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

Kathy, enjoy your visit with your Mom.

Posted on Mar 26, 2014 3:58:01 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on Mar 26, 2014 4:08:16 AM PDT
I love puns, but honesty compels me to admit that I did not write the following:

edited to delete repeats!

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst .

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran .

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time .

How does Moses make his tea ? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me .

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore .

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words .

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

Why were the Indians here first ? They had reservations .

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz .

Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me .

How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils ?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble .

What does a clock do when it's hungry ? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.
Then it hit me !

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary ?
A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 26, 2014 4:00:08 AM PDT
A steak pun is a rare medium, well done!

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 26, 2014 5:17:22 AM PDT
redandwhite says:
@ kathy04092
I do hope that you and your mum have a really nice time celebrating your birthdays together, though sorry to hear about her toe, and hope that a good solution is found for her.
I feel quite relieved that Carson is well aware of those bits in the middle they can be the most painful bits to come in contact with so hope that will not become part of the twice daily procedure.
- Have a good trip

Posted on Mar 26, 2014 5:20:18 AM PDT
redandwhite says:
I am really enjoying the posts thus far, though my colleagues are looking at me in a strange way, since work is not usually very amusing, but they don't know I am reading FB&C - guess I will have to share with them - and i was right the linked web pages are blocked from work :-(

In reply to an earlier post on Mar 26, 2014 5:37:15 AM PDT
Karl says:
red, It is always a shock to most people that employers expect them to work when their at work. I know I did.

If you give some managers an inch they think they're a ruler.

Posted on Mar 26, 2014 5:59:16 AM PDT
Sally in SA says:
I really like that one Karl, must mention it to my boss:)

Posted on Mar 26, 2014 6:25:56 AM PDT
She offered her honor,
he honored her offer,
and all through the night
he was on her and off her.

The bee is such a busy soul,
she has no time for birth control.
And that is why, in times like these,
there are so many sons of bees.

A scientist heard about a rare breed of dolphins that lived forever and was eager to see them. When he went to the aquarium, he passed some large, sleepy cats at the door, and was promptly arrested. The charge? Crossing sedate lions for immortal porpoises.

Posted on Mar 26, 2014 8:54:31 AM PDT
Destiny says:
I woke up, tuned in to my favorite Amazon forum and have been laughing ever since.

To all of you who aided and abetted in my lack of seriousness today..THANK YOU. I have been hooting for half an hour, then sent some on to my siblings.

Sally, I guessed that MU had lost the game when I saw poor D. Moyes in the post game interview..couldn't hear him but his face...told the story.
I think because I was not here waving my ManU scarf madly at them...they lost the game. :( Yes they will come back...but omg!!! they lost to ManC !!!! :(((

Posted on Mar 26, 2014 10:04:49 AM PDT
I think this has been free before, but it does sound hysterically funny.
Galya Popoff and the Dead Souls
It's five a.m. in the little California coastal town of Santa Maria del Lobo, and Professor Galya Popoff is waiting for her poodle Kroshka to finish his rest-stop by the college Campanile. In the darkness, two hundred feet over their heads, Chancellor Siegfried ("Nazi") Nottbeck is honing his free climbing skills. Suddenly, his body plunges out of the night sky and hits the bricks a mere two feet from Galya. The police write it off as a bizarre accident. But Galya insists it was murder and decides to take charge of the investigation herself. She drafts her reluctant son, Lance Steele (a.k.a. Pavel Popoff) a down-on-his-luck Soap star who's fled Hollywood and bill collectors to temporarily hide out at his mother's place and work on his tan. The last thing he wants is to play Watson to her Sherlock, but how do you say no to a feisty, bossy Russian mother who once locked horns with the Soviet KGB - and won. This unlikely trio (two Popoffs and a poodle) swings into dizzying detective action as Galya tracks a shrewd and savvy murderer who will kill anyone to keep the secret of the Dead Souls safe. Santa Maria del Lobo hasn't seen this much excitement since The Great White Shark ate the prize winning surfer from Australia.

Posted on Mar 26, 2014 10:26:37 AM PDT
This pun is true: A friend of mine has begun investing in rental houses and a coin-operated laundry. She calls herself a wishy-washy slumlord.

Posted on Mar 26, 2014 10:38:20 AM PDT
Good morning all :) Thank you for the start Ketta.

Teach me about absolute zero. 0 K
How often do I like jokes about elements? Periodically.
I would make another chemistry joke, but all the good ones argon.

From my watchlist:
The Cedar Face: DI Jewell book 3 (DI Elizabeth Jewell) - Carole Pitt - Mystery/Thriller/Suspense
Behind the Mask Part 1 (Horstberg Saga Part 1 of Volume One) - Elizabeth D. Michaels - Romance

Other picks today:
Rogues' Nest (Historical Fiction) (Buccaneers) - Nick Smith - Historical Fiction
Last Train Home (The Home Series: Book One) - Megan Nugen Isbell - Romance
Dark Consort - Ashley Roland - Fantasy
The PLUNGE (Parallel Past Series) Book One: Parallel Past Series Book One (Parallel Past Series Book 1) - Edward J Schneider - Romance
His Last Confession - Mel Hodgkinson - Mystery/Thriller/Suspense
Death of a Bankster, a Maddie Richards Mystery - David Bishop - Mystery/Thriller/Suspense
September Song - Jeanie Freeman-Harper - Mystery/Thriller/Suspense
Covert - Natasha Preston - Mystery/Thriller/Suspense

Posted on Mar 26, 2014 10:47:56 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on Mar 26, 2014 10:49:46 AM PDT
redandwhite says:
Miss Tonks Turns to Crime (The Poor Relation Series, Vol. 2) by M. C. Beaton (British Author)

When Lady Fortescue's hotel for financially insolvent aristocrats burns to the ground, poor Miss Tonks decides to steal something from her rich relations that will help get the hotel back on its feet.

From Library Journal
Meek and mousy Miss Tonks bravely sets out to steal from her wealthy but overbearing sister to get the needed funds to resurrect the hotel she runs with her compatriots. Though they despair of her ability to do so, Miss Tonks returns not only with the goods but with her niece Cassandra as well. Cassandra is fleeing her domineering mother's attempts to marry her to Lord Eston and sees her aunt's single, independent lifestyle as attractive. This second volume of Chesney's latest series, "The Poor Relation," combines zany characters with light-hearted romance and a well-developed scenario to produce an engaging Regency, despite the silly title. Followers of Chesney and Regency readers will enjoy.
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Discussion in:  Kindle forum
Participants:  29
Total posts:  75
Initial post:  Mar 25, 2014
Latest post:  Mar 27, 2014

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